Happy Halloween Monday Musings- Just a ramble of my weekend
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Happy Halloween Monday Musings- Just a ramble of my weekend
Oct. 31st Happy Halloween Monday Musings
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How was everyone's weekend?? I had a great weekend. I'm feeling pretty good today, I got a lot of writing done this weekend in areas where I haven't surrendered in relationships. I feel good that I'm slowly identifying these areas, feel them and practice the spiritual principles to get me out of repeating old patterns and behaviors. I feel pretty darn good for a monday. I'm also taking an inventory of spiritual, emtional, physical, mental, financial, and everyday living/responsibility unmanageability. It feels so good to be writing back on the 1st step. I've written on all 12 steps with my sponsor having been clean for a minute and going back around my clarity or awareness is so much more in tune. I had an excellent weekend too. Friday a sponsee and I went up to another meeting that was a few towns over. He started working during the day so our reguarly scheduled tuesday lunch meeting has been put on hold. Finding a day to meet has been in a problem, But the car ride to this meeting gave us a great oppurtunity to go over some of his 4th step. I get so much more than my sponsees will ever know when I work with them. I tell them this all the time, but they can't understand it I guess. Anyway at this meeting it was beautiful and I haven't been to this particular meeting in about a year. Some of the faces have changed but the meeting was powerful. I had this warm feeling overcome me when I sat in there and the readings were red. I had a rush, I had tears start to form, I was overcame with a feeling of gratitude. A feeling of gratitude for a program that has taken me from the depths of hell to a place where I could have never had dreamed about being today. The Warm sensation was knowing that there were 1,000's upon 1,000's upon 1,000's of Narcotics Anonymous meetings starting that hour or within the next hour. We are everywhere, the different places, the different people the different things all over this country has shaped my life. I've been to meetings from Hawaii to NY to Florida to Alabama and everywhere in between. I'm never alone, never again.
Saturday- Heather and Cailin (my gf's 2 1/2 year old daughter) picked me up and we went to the downtown mall area. There was a huge family Halloween event going on. Store owners were giving out Candy and everyone was all dressed up. This is my second fellowship. This new family that I'm now apart of is really starting become a new way of life for me too. That afternoon we went to our NA area Halloween Event. The special events committee really out did themselves and I was a costume. One of my sponsees went as me. It was awesome!! He had the long black curly-wig, the hawaiian shirt with the NA shirt on underneath. He came in 2nd place as me!! That was great. Cailin was a little cowgirl, she was gorgeous I'll post pics tomorrow. Heather was a cowgirl too and I was a cowboy. I had this big blow up bull on me that was made so it looked like I was riding this bull when I was walking. Cailin was pretty beat so we left after a short while there. Heather is so supportive of my recovery. It's awesome that she wants to be apart of this with me. Really, if she didn't want to be apart of this then we'd be going seperate ways. Because recovery is a new way of life today. It is my life today. Recovery comes first before anything that includes her and she knows that. The best is she understands that and doesn't get in the way of that. I love her to death!! Life is Good!! She understands that isn't about a particular substance ie...alcohol, coke any drug, it's about the disease of addiction. It's about wanting to take any material thing outside myself to make me change the way I feel. That's huge for her to understand that. Hell it took me a ton of relapses to understand that switching from drug to drug and trying to control my using was just putting a band-aid on this huge problem. Narcotics Anonymous is all a set-up, you come in because our symptom of drugs became out of hand. When you stick in this program you get introduced to the fact that it's actually a larger problem the problem of addiction, where it's more than just the drugs. It's drugs, money, property, prestige, woman, men, working-out, eating. All things that take us out of trying to feel what life has presented us today. All things that will take us out of the moment, because we are obsessing on how I'm going to make that extra million and neglect family, responsibilities and other areas of my life because I need that money fix.
Sunday- Heather and I went to one of my sponsee brother's engagement party. It was awesome, lots of love was there. There were more people in recovery from Virginia and Maryland this engagement party than real family members. It was amazing to see how Recovery has touched both their lives. It gave me hope and faith that if I do the next right thing, if I stay humble, if I stay patient and if I work my program of recovery dilligently, then lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise. That one day Heather and I will be sitting there with our friends coming to our engagement party. Life is good today!! Life is better than I would have ever expected to turn out!!
Yesterday is gone in time,
Tomorrow I cannot claim as mine,
But today each hour is free,
to gain or to lose it's up to me.
Stay in the light!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How was everyone's weekend?? I had a great weekend. I'm feeling pretty good today, I got a lot of writing done this weekend in areas where I haven't surrendered in relationships. I feel good that I'm slowly identifying these areas, feel them and practice the spiritual principles to get me out of repeating old patterns and behaviors. I feel pretty darn good for a monday. I'm also taking an inventory of spiritual, emtional, physical, mental, financial, and everyday living/responsibility unmanageability. It feels so good to be writing back on the 1st step. I've written on all 12 steps with my sponsor having been clean for a minute and going back around my clarity or awareness is so much more in tune. I had an excellent weekend too. Friday a sponsee and I went up to another meeting that was a few towns over. He started working during the day so our reguarly scheduled tuesday lunch meeting has been put on hold. Finding a day to meet has been in a problem, But the car ride to this meeting gave us a great oppurtunity to go over some of his 4th step. I get so much more than my sponsees will ever know when I work with them. I tell them this all the time, but they can't understand it I guess. Anyway at this meeting it was beautiful and I haven't been to this particular meeting in about a year. Some of the faces have changed but the meeting was powerful. I had this warm feeling overcome me when I sat in there and the readings were red. I had a rush, I had tears start to form, I was overcame with a feeling of gratitude. A feeling of gratitude for a program that has taken me from the depths of hell to a place where I could have never had dreamed about being today. The Warm sensation was knowing that there were 1,000's upon 1,000's upon 1,000's of Narcotics Anonymous meetings starting that hour or within the next hour. We are everywhere, the different places, the different people the different things all over this country has shaped my life. I've been to meetings from Hawaii to NY to Florida to Alabama and everywhere in between. I'm never alone, never again.
Saturday- Heather and Cailin (my gf's 2 1/2 year old daughter) picked me up and we went to the downtown mall area. There was a huge family Halloween event going on. Store owners were giving out Candy and everyone was all dressed up. This is my second fellowship. This new family that I'm now apart of is really starting become a new way of life for me too. That afternoon we went to our NA area Halloween Event. The special events committee really out did themselves and I was a costume. One of my sponsees went as me. It was awesome!! He had the long black curly-wig, the hawaiian shirt with the NA shirt on underneath. He came in 2nd place as me!! That was great. Cailin was a little cowgirl, she was gorgeous I'll post pics tomorrow. Heather was a cowgirl too and I was a cowboy. I had this big blow up bull on me that was made so it looked like I was riding this bull when I was walking. Cailin was pretty beat so we left after a short while there. Heather is so supportive of my recovery. It's awesome that she wants to be apart of this with me. Really, if she didn't want to be apart of this then we'd be going seperate ways. Because recovery is a new way of life today. It is my life today. Recovery comes first before anything that includes her and she knows that. The best is she understands that and doesn't get in the way of that. I love her to death!! Life is Good!! She understands that isn't about a particular substance ie...alcohol, coke any drug, it's about the disease of addiction. It's about wanting to take any material thing outside myself to make me change the way I feel. That's huge for her to understand that. Hell it took me a ton of relapses to understand that switching from drug to drug and trying to control my using was just putting a band-aid on this huge problem. Narcotics Anonymous is all a set-up, you come in because our symptom of drugs became out of hand. When you stick in this program you get introduced to the fact that it's actually a larger problem the problem of addiction, where it's more than just the drugs. It's drugs, money, property, prestige, woman, men, working-out, eating. All things that take us out of trying to feel what life has presented us today. All things that will take us out of the moment, because we are obsessing on how I'm going to make that extra million and neglect family, responsibilities and other areas of my life because I need that money fix.
Sunday- Heather and I went to one of my sponsee brother's engagement party. It was awesome, lots of love was there. There were more people in recovery from Virginia and Maryland this engagement party than real family members. It was amazing to see how Recovery has touched both their lives. It gave me hope and faith that if I do the next right thing, if I stay humble, if I stay patient and if I work my program of recovery dilligently, then lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise. That one day Heather and I will be sitting there with our friends coming to our engagement party. Life is good today!! Life is better than I would have ever expected to turn out!!
Yesterday is gone in time,
Tomorrow I cannot claim as mine,
But today each hour is free,
to gain or to lose it's up to me.
Stay in the light!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
Nice post. Glad you're in a good space. Would you like to explain this one a bit more: "It's about wanting to take any material thing outside myself to make me change the way I feel." I agree at some level of course. But I'm not sure I'm addicted to everything outside of me that makes me feel good. I think addiction kicks when I add obsession/compulsion and self-centeredness to the mix. That's what basic text says is the core of the disease of addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
You explained it well, thanks! "Any" is too strong of a word, It should read "Any" things outside myself to change the way I feel that breeds guilt or shame that trigger my disease.
Vision of Hope
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Living on This side of the green!!
Posts: 1,057
Well this last week has been interesting,
Last Saturday I went to Niagra Falls to the Regional Convention with a sponsee. We got through some of his 1st step, and had a good time. We got a great chance to talk and get to know one another. Came home about 3 AM, woke up a my kids got me going off to church.
These are great moments I enjoy. Yeah, Even going to church with the wife and kids.
This past weekend, Friday, my friend went to the ER for depression, and I picked him up and brought him back to go to a meeting when he was sent home, and we went to our meeting we started up 3 weeks ago. Saturday I went to a meeting to Speak, came home and we had a melt down day for the family and Sunday was total caos.
I wake up in the morning and Im hanging out on the computer, I hear someone knock on the Door and a few minutes later I hear my son yelling for me to get out of my house, the next door nieghbors house is on fire. Well his house was on fire, big fire, the heat melted my skirting on my house, and smoke came into my house as well. My wife went to the ER because os asma and having problem breathing, my son was having a panic attack. My friend called and another close friend to us relapsed and it hit him really hard. So we talked on the phone most of the day, and he came down to watch football and we got through it.
Yesterday I had to go in for another MRI for my back and I know another surgery will be coming up. I know right now staying busy and keeping it moving is the right thing to do. I too have been all over to meetings to speak to do service work sponsoring guys and this is what we do. I have so many friends in this Fellowship and my base is so broad and it is growing daily. Its a beautiful thing to not be confused about Recovery today.
Peace,
Todd J.
Last Saturday I went to Niagra Falls to the Regional Convention with a sponsee. We got through some of his 1st step, and had a good time. We got a great chance to talk and get to know one another. Came home about 3 AM, woke up a my kids got me going off to church.
These are great moments I enjoy. Yeah, Even going to church with the wife and kids.
This past weekend, Friday, my friend went to the ER for depression, and I picked him up and brought him back to go to a meeting when he was sent home, and we went to our meeting we started up 3 weeks ago. Saturday I went to a meeting to Speak, came home and we had a melt down day for the family and Sunday was total caos.
I wake up in the morning and Im hanging out on the computer, I hear someone knock on the Door and a few minutes later I hear my son yelling for me to get out of my house, the next door nieghbors house is on fire. Well his house was on fire, big fire, the heat melted my skirting on my house, and smoke came into my house as well. My wife went to the ER because os asma and having problem breathing, my son was having a panic attack. My friend called and another close friend to us relapsed and it hit him really hard. So we talked on the phone most of the day, and he came down to watch football and we got through it.
Yesterday I had to go in for another MRI for my back and I know another surgery will be coming up. I know right now staying busy and keeping it moving is the right thing to do. I too have been all over to meetings to speak to do service work sponsoring guys and this is what we do. I have so many friends in this Fellowship and my base is so broad and it is growing daily. Its a beautiful thing to not be confused about Recovery today.
Peace,
Todd J.
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