Luckyv2

Ok here we go, so now is this like my first test or what do I do? I have no clue, I know everyone has different opinions, different ideals, but what do I do now? Am I going to use if I make the wrong decission, am I going to loose what I have? Who do I talk to, every one has different levels of honesty and yet I have talked to people that have been in the program for years and some of them are not completely honest about things, yet they are sober and clean for a long time...What do I do?

I have been giving this situation and I wish that I could really go into detail here but knowing that all is watched here it is best that I don't. I have I guess a different view on complete honesty than most in recovery or atleast that is what I am finding out. I have been giving a chance to do something that I really do need to do and yet if I do this I will again be manipulating, conning, lieing, cheating, stealing, at least in my eyes that is how I see it. Yet I need this in order to survive but do I really need it that bad if it is going to effect the way that my values are when I am sober? I don't know. I don't want to start doing what I feel is wrong, but yet even my new sponsor and my old one back home would say that this is OK to do!!!!

This is so damn hard for me to decide on yet I almost find myself in the position that I have to do it. I guess that is why it is so hard for me, if I don't take this offer, I will NOT be able to survive. I need to figure this out but I don't know where to go. I have talked with serveral people including my new sponsor here and he says that this is OK to do and shared his ESH but yet not only what I am going to do IS ILLEGAL in my mind but yet he says that this is OK>>>>OMG here we go I am keeping calm, serene but yet I find myself fighting in my mind RIGHT & WRONG!!! Yet not all are completely honest including myself but I am trying to live right today and do the next right thing.

I really wish that I could just lay it out here at SR, saying exactly what the situation is but that is not wise for me to do. I hope and pray that the decission that I think that I have made, is not the wrong one that could effect the sobriety that I have worked so hard to get. Tomorrow is my 7 months and I am afraid that the decission that I am making is going to come back and bite me in the ass yet I really have no choice. Thanks for listening if you were.

Love Vic

best

Who's opinion matters?
I can only think of ONE who's opinion matters.

Didn't you say something a while back about seeking a life in ministry?

I don't need say any more past this

Luckyv2

I can not live up to HIS expectations or mine anymore I am lost

Anna

Vic,

This sounds like a tough choice. I wrestle with the honesty issue too, on a daily basis. I distinctly remember, at age 4, knowing that I had to lie in order to survive. So, I did.

You say that you have to do this in order to survive. That's very powerful. And, you've been given good advice by people that you trust. So, follow your heart and you'll be fine.

best

Vic I can't live up to His expectation even now.
I never could in my past and even now with being in school...I still can't.

Steps one, two, and three...

That is the only way any of us can even start to live as close as we can to His expectations.

Luckyv2

Thanks Anna I think that I am going to do that and also thank you for being there last night for me that really meant a lot to me...Have a great day and may your HP bless you with riches today...

Love Vic

Moontime

In the NA workbook check out the 11th step pg 114

"Almost all of us face some situation in life that we are either being asked to participate is something that is morally reprehensible or just keep quiet about it and allow it to happen. It maybe that the truly courageous course of action is to protest loudly, and doing so may have severe consequences for us. What we do at such a time is a defining moment, and may very well affect the choices we make for the rest of our lives"


- I read this when I've been in moral dilemma situations. When I ask "what would a loving and caring god what me to do....." and apply the 11th step, I get my answer which is the spiritual solution.


It goes on pg 114- The principle of faith will help us practice the principle of courage and live our lives with integrity.

Gooch

Very powerful words. the fear of how the rest of my life will turn out can immobilize me at times.

REZ

Honesty is a tough one. I distinguish between 1) honesty with myself and 2) honesty with others. Being honest with others does not mean I have to tell them everything I am thinking. I try not to lie, but often it is better to remain silent. Also, if I have to tell a difficult truth, I try to tell it with tact and love. Being honest with myself is actually harder, because, as a recovering addict, I am so good at deceiving myself and denying the truth. Working the steps, praying, meditating, writing, and talking with my sponsor help me to get honest with myself.

I also distinguish between 1) cash register honesty (the letter of the law) and 2) moral honesty (the spirit of the law). Sometimes the truth comes through best by not focusing on the details (cash register honesty) but by focusing on the bigger picture.
Sometimes it is very important for me to be cash register honest. For example, when I am managing someone else's money or filing my taxes. Other times, cash register honesty is not what is required or appropriate. When I am required to express an opinion about another person in work or as a parent, I need to keep in mind the big bigger and not dwell too much on the details. It is not often easy to know when cash register honesty is required. I need to ask my higher power for help with this and make sure to check my motives.

Hope you can work through your situation...

Blake

From reading your post, I think you know what the right thing to do is. I have no idea the specifics about this decision, but I do know that NA has taught me that as long as I do the next right thin infront of me, my god will take care of the rest.

I think this comes down to how much do you trust your god? I can sense maybe you are worried that if you don't do this thing, you feel that maybe god won't provide? Keep that "stinking thinking" out of your head..god didn't bring you this far to let you fall..it's a good thing you're working your 2nd step right now, i think it is imperrative along with the 3rd when life throws us curveballs like this.

Trust that if you do the right thing, everything works out the way it's supposed to.

That's just my $.02 and I could be wrong..

Stay strong,
-Blake

Luckyv2

Thanks everyone and I made the decission to go ahead and do what I really didn't think that I should yet, I had a long talk with my sponsor about it again this morning and he pointed out to me that there is nothing wrong with what I am doing. Is a matter of fact most people in the world do it so I am grateful to have my sponsors and the program..I am extremely tired right now other words I would go further into it..

HEY GOOCH thank you again so much for talking to me last night and you too Anna if it wasn't for that I probably would have been here at SR all day and going nuts in my head.. Hope that everyone had a good and peaceful day today, because I sure did..Love you all

Love Vic