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A Friend Who Needs Me

Old 10-23-2005, 09:56 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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A Friend Who Needs Me

Hey all,

I am so relieved to have gotten to a meeting. It was hard to walk in the door though, so much at stake. I was humbled by them all. I really missed it. Good to not be forgotten.
I want to share a situation that happened after my meeting. I got home and had a E-mail from the mother of a friend of mine. I have spoken to her several times within the last 3 months since her daughter and her boyfriend admitted to being addicted to herion. She heard that I was in NA and has asked advice and things to look for and so on. I openly admitted that opiates were not my drug of choice and gave her a friends #. She called him but did not feel comfortable and has since continued the Emails to me. We have actually become friends and i try to be as helpful as I can while maintaining a friendship with her daughter. Well she just told me that the whole time they claimed to be clean was not true. I too was under the impression that they were clean. This is not about judgement but more of how to help both. Her mother wants to help and I believe shes sincere. But now her daughter, my friend is not sure where my loyality lies. I have been very careful to not cross the confidentality line. I try my best to give generic advice and situational examples to her mom. I really want to help her get clean and at the same time want to help her mom understand a little better of what addiction can do to a person. I know im just a few days clean but this seems to give me strength and I feel like im helping a fellow addict in need. I am not playing doctor, just trying to be a friend whos been there. All I want is to help her and him and me for that matter, stay clean. I am confused on how to proceed. I have gotten some advice from some other fellow addicts, but really want to hear from you all. I have not Emailed back yet. I guess I dont want to do something to hurt there family. I would love some advice on this. -signed -A hopeful addict
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Old 10-24-2005, 06:01 AM
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blah blah blahhhhh
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: top secret, dark side of the moon
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I can not live another persons recovery. As the saying goes, "different strokes for different folks". It took all of your experiences to bring you into the rooms of NA and as much as it may hurt, maybe your friends just haven't reached the point where they are ready to stop using. I have no friends that followed me into recovery, and it does hurt to see them still out there. But I have planted the seed of recovery. They occasionally see me, not incarcerated, showered, clean clothes, working, and just being a member of society, and they all know where to go when they are ready. The rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. And I will be right here waiting for them, open arms and ready to help them, once they have become ready, and have come to seek that help. So to sum it up, I can never "help" an addict who doesn't want help, ever try to lead a donkey to water?
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Old 10-24-2005, 09:15 AM
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REZ
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This is an issue to talk to your sponsor about. How much clean time to do you have? This sounds like very intense 12th step work. I would not advise people earlier in recover to get into a situation similar to the one you describe. You could a) go back to using, or b) hurt someone. I made some poor choices early in my recovery when it came to helping other people deal with the disease of addiction. I was sincere, but a bit misguided. Be very careful. Good luck!
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Old 10-24-2005, 07:42 PM
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exactly what they said.

I have a family member who I would love to help.

Other relatives have pleaded with me to "set them straight"

I'm sure they've allready suggested to my suffering relative "you should talk to Gooch"

They haven't asked so the best I have been able to do is let them know I love them, and show them by example that I might be straight but my life isn't boring or dull, and I am for the most part happy.

( somedays I wish for a couple dull days )
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Old 10-24-2005, 08:27 PM
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When my wife and I got married a little over 11 years ago, I met her Mom and took her to San Fransisco to visit us in California. This was to get her out of Ohio, for the first time in her life. She ended up having her sister shoot her with demerol/morphine - cause I was stressing her out. (her excuse) she rolled over and stared me dead in the eye, like ha ha, you aren't going to marry my daughter. (years later her sister confessed that my wifes Mom did this because I was taking her away to a "better" life)
She has used since then. I started a few years later. Then I had her visit in Tokyo while we were there. She was pissed I wouldn't share and made the visit hell. (I couldn't or my wife would have killed me)
Well then I went into recovery. We have visited since. She knows what I have, and what it can offer her if she wants it. My brother in law is also an addict, and WANTS recovery, and has abstained from drugs, but doesn't hit meetings due to his whole family thing. So I sent him a Basic Text, and other goodies, and talk to him about the program. Hopefully he will hit a meeting despite his family, only time will tell. As long as he doesn't pick up.
Her whole family is on drugs, and has been all of their life. They don't know any different.
The only thing I can do is show them that recovery is possible.
The best way I have found to teach someone, so far, is lead the way as a good example.
I hope they find recovery, and you stick with it,
Chad H.
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