hopealwayz

My desire to use has been triggered tonight but if I use, I won't be feeling better anytime soon. I have been clean lately but I still feel pretty bad. I guess it is because I am in the early days and still healing, but I don't have any patience.

I want to go call my dealer back now but uhhhhhhhhhhhh............I can't....at least not at this minute. You know, my head is gonna be the the things that keeps on tripping me up.

hopealwayz

I hate cocaine!!!!!!!!!!!

Mandy24

As do I! It's so hard not to think about it. I felt like phoning a dealer today too, but I just kept on thinking of how I would feel after I did it, which is strange for me because I usually don't think of the aftermath untill I'm in the aftermath, broke and feeling like crap. I'm only 3 days sober and I can see that it's going to be a lot harder than I thought. I'm trying to keep myself busy, but I can only clean my apartment untill it's clean.lol I'm glad i found this web site

Paulie

You both can get past this feeling. Just don't pick up the phone. Well call someone in recovery, but not the dealer.

YES...think of what will happen if you use. The outcome, think of how you will feel after you use.

Get a journal...start writing, just puke on the paper, write about why you want to use, what you are feeling right now. And if you can get to a meeting tonight, it is to late tomorrow. Reach out. Using will not help, you will just have to start over.

Congrats to both of you for making the decision to quit for reaching out.

Nickaddict

I really can relate to how you both are feeling. I'm now just a couple of days clean again from my relapse. I too had this horribly strong obsession in my head.
And let me tell you...it didn't bring what my head thought it would bring.
No parties - no fun - just painfully clear obsession all the way through my relapse.
Damn, that was a dissapointment THIS time it would be good again my head told me.
Now I have learned that my head - when its in that obsession - tells me things that are not true.
Next time I'm obsessing I am going to pray. This is the only thing that I can suggest really. Pray to your HP for the obsession to be lifted.

You both are in my hearts and prayers! For I know how hard it is when you're in such a obsessive train of thoughts.
(((HUGS)))

Nick.

REZ

The obsession to use drugs in one of the primary symptoms of addiction. My mind can be like a broken record, stuck on a stupid idea. There are lots of ways to break of out this: meetings, calling people, praying, reading, service work, exercise, cleaning the house, going for a walk, music, etc. The good news is that if you stay clean, the obsession to use drugs will be lifted. The not so good news is that you will probably develop other obsessions (food, sex, work, etc.) that you will need to deal with.

xmethead

love and luck to you...keep fighting the fight.