Luckyv2

I am just so ashamed at the way that I have behaved here at SR and how I let the little things just get to me. It is not like the old me to be so defensive and stuff like that, I have always just been able to let things go but here lately it has been really hard to do that. I know that this is a program of progress not perfection, but you would think that someone might be able to progress a little bit don't you. I get tired of feeling ok and then something like yesterday starts off something and instead of letting it go I just ad more flame to the fire. WTF is this, does it get any better?

Then I know that I have had some wonderful days and a lot of people here have really helped me and made me do a lot of thinking, but yet I think that I should be further down the road in my recovery. I know I should be happy that I am where I am (I am kind of), but I want to be where I was before of April of 2004 when I threw away almost two years of contented sobriety. Then now I am not sure where to post anymore OMG it seems like I have post almost on every catagorie here and that just confusing to me.

Now there is a storm here where I live and now the sirens are going off, I am not much of a storm person sober anymore, and the electric already went out once. Ok I will stop I need to go write a graditude list I think.

Love Vic

D72992

Days like that always come and go, those are the times when I need to be quiet, saying less and listening more.... Today is probably one of those days, hence the short reply.... heh

Doug

What this is, is learing how to live sober. Live sober, not just exist. The instant gratification and anesthetic is gone. I've had days where the best I could do was just "be". Let the bad mood happen, let it be, it'll pass, it always does.

If all you do is not pick up, then your still a step ahead, and if you do a gratitude list (good idea BTW) then you'll be 2 steps ahead. You'll have pulled two positives out of your day.

It's not always like this, just hang in there.

Pick-a-name

((lucky)).....I'm glad you are here..........just think about how much progress it is to be here reading and posting; instead of using...........be proud of yourself!

p.s. we all get a bit cranky from time to time!

Doug

Trust the process

Paulie

Yeah what Doug said.

REZ

Recovery is not about feeling good; it is about doing the right things. Not using, going to meetings, working with a sponsor, working the steps, fellowshiping with praying, meditating, reading recovery literature, writing...If I do these things, I will develop positive attitudes, I will make spiritual progress, I will achieve some degree of serenity, and I will be able to survive my emotions. There is no guarantee that we will always feel good, serene, joyful, etc. in recovery. But, if we don't use, the bad feelings will pass.

Fire_Wind_Rain

One foot in front of the other Lucky. Try not to overanalyze frustrated feelings unless of course you feel you need to make amends.

Sometimes the fact that we can only communicate through type and print makes things very very hard.

tink360

vic, i can tell that your a wanderfull person with a huge heart and your eagerness to be further than where you are makes perfect sense to me because i feel that way to. but as my father says we cant run until we learn to walk. at this point im still crawling and im sure your walking already but running sometimes takes people years when it comes to bieng an addict. i mean thats just my opinion and i cant say exactly where you are for sure but i believe that as long as you work at it with a hopeful heart you should be fine. and dont look at where you should be but look at how far youve come. not alot of people can say that theyve had the sucess that youve accomplished. your a strong person for what youve done so far and i dont see anything wrong with baby steps. just be patient with yourself. and as i always say stay strong. stay sober

Luckyv2

Thank you all for your replies and I am doing a lot better now, I hate when I get like that and I really need to work on it atleast it didn't last that long this time so that is really progress for me, some of it could have been making a gratitude list, or just taking your advice and saying yes Vic you too are right where you need to be. I am so grateful that I have SR and I don't want to get to the point where I push people away anymore, I don't want to hurt people, I am doing better so thank you all for your love and support.

Thank you Doug for that when I read that I did allow myself to use the situation of where I was at to bring myself a little joy out of it, hell I even laughed at the way that I reacted, but now on the other note I might have to make amends.

Love Vic