tink360

I cant help but sit and think about the things ive gone through and who i was, i know ive changed and everyone else seems to be happy with who ive become, but i still dont know if i am. ive lived most of my life growing up running away from myself that now that im sober i feel completly oblivious as to who i am. i dont know who i want to be or even who i am now. as an addict i was the one of the group who had the man, the job, went to school (on and off), had the car and the money. i didnt know who i was but i didnt care because i was fine with what i was. im not sure if this makes any sense but ive been feeling this for the past few days. with the situation with the guy at work ive felt embarrased, scared, uncomftorable but in the past i wouldve given the guy a piece of my mind and taken care of the situation with no shame or fear. i feel ive gotten weaker, gutless maybe, i dont know what to do, if i should adjust or soul search, i dont know where to turn for help...if help is what i need? any advice?

emmanuel2012

sometimes people can be ruthless. i dunno what your situation was at work because you didnt go into details, but know that something like this may happen again. life is not happy all the time. i suspect you have to find new coping mechanisms to stress on your ego or stress from your job, but i will say that its better to let some things sit and stir than to go out and immediately react. if you are impulsive like me, i am also finding new ways to react to stress (not all good, but no drugs :p) - - it takes a strong person to refrain from an impulsive reaction, which may make us feel stronger only for a brief moment-

Gooch

Got a Basic Text? A sponsor? best tools I've found for the effective soul searching of any addict.

REZ

I can relate totally. Basically, recovery is all about changing our behaviors, habits, our attitudes--our whole way of life. If we don't change, we will get high again, since the old person is the person that used drugs all the time. So, being in recovery, we may find it necessary to try to be more patient and tolerant with other people, and not rush to judgment or action (i.e. lashing back, revenge, etc.). Having said this, recovery is not about being anyone's dormat. We deserve to be respected and we don't have to take disrespectful behavior from anyone.

On the issue of "who am I now?" This is deep problem. For me, talking with my sponsor, do a 4th step inventory, praying, meditating, and writing have helped. One thing that I have found helpful is to think who I wanted to be before I started using drugs. I have found that the same basic person that I was is still there. Older, a bit beat up, and maybe wiser, but basically the same. I have some new likes, dislikes, hobbies, charcter defects, compulsions, etc. now, but I can look in the mirror and see myself as I was, as I am now, and as who I can become.

tink360

thanks guys for the responces. lately ive just been feeling more and more anxious with myself...i talked to an old friend and learned that my ex-fiance is in jail once again. also i feel slightly trapped at home. im 19 yet i guess because of my mistakes they feel the need to still treat me like a child. i do good at work and i have an A in the class im taking but to them im still not doing good enough to make my own choices. at around 7pm i wanted to take a walk and listen to my ipod and smoke a few cigs. i just wanted some time away from home not to do anything wrong...but my mother told me it was late and i need to stay inside and i wasent allowed to go anywhere. i got angry but didnt say anything. i have alot of respect for my family and i dont want to be a disobidient child...what should i do.