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How can this be? Another Craving :(

Old 09-05-2005, 12:43 AM
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How can this be? Another Craving :(

Damnit, I'm having another craving
Two weeks ago I had the same thing, I surrendered and it went away but somehow I can't do that right now.
I thought (actually I hoped) that I wouldn't get any more cravings since I had such a wonderful experience.
So why do I wake up this morning feeling...strange.
I called my sponsor like I do every morning and I felt it creeping in...I told him about it but it didn't help.
Damnit I'm angry about it!! Why the F**K do I have this AGAIN!!!!!

The bad thing is I have money in the bank and my wife is away...
I think I must call somebody from the NA and meet with them or something....or go out and score....I'm going nuts here
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Old 09-05-2005, 05:06 AM
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JUST DO IT!!
 
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Hey Nick you know as well as I do that they come and they go, I just got out of a funk but I am not sure that it was a craving as just my disease using whatever it could to try to let me know that "Hey I am Still Around!!!" and yes I hate it also, I don't know why and it really doesn't matter why cause as Gooch would say I am just mind f***en myself then LOL I do that enough. One thing that helps me out when that does happen is to read the NA Book or the How and Why. One thing that i can tell you my friend that if we don't pick up we then have a chance but if we pick up we have to start that vicious cycle all over again. I have just been meditating which I was lacking on and found out what some of my problems were besides this disease is that I have gotten off of my routine that I did in a certain order, today I am trying to get back on it so I will be praying for you here and hope that we both get threw this day.

Love Vic
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Old 09-05-2005, 05:14 AM
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Hi,

Vic is right, cravings do come and go, though they should be much less frequent as time goes on. Try to think through a decision you might make to use today and the consequences and how you wil feel. The only way I've found to lessen the cravings is to beat them when they come along. That's what makes you stronger.

Love, Anna
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Old 09-05-2005, 06:50 AM
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Just remember, you are an addict and you can't do that first one.

Basketball players think about playing basketball, addicts think about doing drugs. It is your natural state. You have not been that far removed from it, none of us really are. The frequency and the severity lessen each time you go through it successfully. If you pick up right now, you have to go back and start from day 1 again. It's not worth it.

Pick up that phone, call someone, and make plans to hang out with other recovering addicts today.

Love ya
Laurie
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Old 09-06-2005, 06:47 AM
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I gave in and scored...so it's day 1 again for me.
Nothing seemed to work and to be honest I got fed up with it all...
I still am angry that I got the craving. WHY? Didn't I already surrendered? Didn't I already gave in, let my HP do it? I don't want this over and over again!!!!!!!!!!!
This is NOT how I want to spend my life you know - stupid cravings that make me cold, swetty and trembling.

All I know what to do is to come back again to the program. I got no choice really...the alternative (drugs) is killing me bit by bit and THAT I don't want either.
I went to a CA meeting today as that was the first possible meeting I could attend.
I got a LOT of love, understanding and support there and it felt really good.

Also what I've discovered is that despite me not liking it, I will have to surrender every single day again and again. Let me say this again: I do not like having to do this but I have no choice if I want to live and at least have a chance of a somewhat good life.
To be honest I was kinda ashamed to say to people outside the program that I believe in a Higher Power (or God as I sometimes call it)...I was affraid of what they might think of me, affraid of their reactions of possible rejection or that would think I was nuts or something.
But you know...also there I have no choice if I want to live...I will have to allow the HP of my understanding in my life and not be affraid to talk about it. It's what has kept me clean for over 4 months, that much I know.

Ah well, I'm getting up again, dusting my self off again and have come back to the program AND MY HP once again.
Thank you all for being here. Despite me being a stubborn man who's just trying to stay clean I really do need you.
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Old 09-06-2005, 05:25 PM
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Welcome Back Nick.

If I lived Amsterdam, I'd come and slap you in the head!! (I've been known to do that to the people who I care about that relapse).

Don't be ashamed. The shame is in not coming back and being honest. Take a look at the patterns leading up to your relapse, (including your reluctance to be honest about your HP) and change those things.

We'll still be here for you.

Love ya,
Laurie
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Old 09-06-2005, 06:18 PM
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time and time again ive made the mistake of going out and scoring and then not even regretting it the next day because it was what i wanted to do. the craving may be strong and fierce but the craving didnt make you go score, you did that on your own, ive relapsed and i know that each time ive relapsed its because i wanted to. if you have the desire to stay sober youll get your a** to safety and pray. the weakness of the addict is the desire to get high. Is it right for a man to cheat on his wife every night before he comes home because the sex is good? if not than its not right to cheat on your sobriety because the high is good...think of that next time you get a craving...i dont know if itll help, but if anything stay strong.
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Old 09-07-2005, 02:02 AM
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Thank you both. It feels good to be welcomed back.
I am working on surrendering myself to God everyday. I just did so (or tried at least) this morning. After saying the 3rd step prayer a few times I felt my HP "kicking in" so to speak.
It told me that I should be grateful for my house - a roof over my head. To be grateful for this new day, the weather and the trees.
Basicly I think my HP wants me to be grateful today. So I am going to do that as much as I humanly can.

Still working on my shame to telling other people what works for me (if they ask) but 1 thing at a time and 1 day at a time.

Love ya all!
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Old 09-07-2005, 05:41 PM
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i think youll do okay. just keep your head up continue to seek help. i believe that addicts are the most awesome and strongest type of people because of the power it takes to fight the battle of addiction. therefor you are an awesome person as well and fully blessed to be alive today. keep that in mind and dont let the blessing go to waste..
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