Don W

In my experence, I've found being proactive in PTSD recovery, is better than reactive. Knowing and understanding the flashbacks,feelings won't make them go away but, will lessen their toll. Knowledge, is your best proactive tool. You've got recovery in your sights, don't give up or in. Picture yourself as a survivor. Don W

splendra

You know ((((Don)))))

The flight or fight responce in me used to drive me so hard and there was nowhere to go except into a bottle of liquor. Even after I stopped drinking I was still running....

I feel like a lot of my ptsd is starting to fade just by not reacting to things, by sitting still and letting myself feel and not do anything. It has allowed the bad stuff to be processed and intergrated and that screaming scared baby can sleep and is scared no more ... I have thank God had some very good therapy...

Don W

I know what you mean splendra. Learning little tricks to allow me to think first has saved alot of problems. In the past I left many good jobs and deprived myself of family. I'll show them, I'll quit, many times taking a less paying job just to show them I didn't need them. My problem in part was learning the art of removal, before removed. First, I'm not blaming everything on an abusive childhood. However, I find it amazing how I adopted that which I hated most. My father would let us join, little league,boy/girl scouts etc. Once we started to enjoy or succeed it would become a tool of punishment. He would make us quit.He even took me out of school in 10th grade to work at the family business. Many thought he took me out to help family business but, he told me that going to school,for me, was a waste of time being as dumb as I was. No matter how well I did, I thought he was right. I carried this through with jobs,family and relationships. It's hard to explain. I would quit or give it up before it could be taken. Many employers couldn't understand. I'd do so well and everyone marked me for advancement. I would shoot myself in the foot, sort of become damaged goods. Or, I would pick a fight and leave. I think having problems with splits or ending relationships has always been a problem. How about you? Don W

splendra

Oh Don-

I used to hear my parent talking at night saying it is a shame lisa is a girl cause she is the smartest kid we have...they figured that I would just get married and have babies and that would be it for me.

My mom used to say I hope you have 5 kids just like you like it would be a bad thing to have 5 kids just like me. Hense when I did get pregnant I was so afraid... I only have one child of my own and I had him late in life and I know if that awful thing my mom said to me about hoping I had five who would be just like me were not bouncing around in my head all thoughs years I would have had more children. I do have 3 step kids and they are great and I love them like my own.

But, one by one I just sat still and felt the emotion that I never allowed myself to feel. I was in such emotional debt I had no choice but to feel it or start self-medicating again.

I quit so many jobs and colleges but I finally did get my degree and I also hold several certificats as well. But the hell I put myself through because I felt not good enough was almost murder. Something in me was connected to truth though and the truth eventually won thanx to God...

Don W

splendra, You know what has helped me? It sounds simple but, the VA has a breathing class. Many of us have a breathing problem that increases stress. I'd get so upset, I'd forget to breath. I still have trouble remembering to do this. However, while meditating, slow your breathing down and breath deep. At the start of the class we counted the breaths per minute. Some were 40, 50 and more per minute. Our goal was to get down to around 7 to 10 per minute. Sometimes just taking a breath, gives us time to collect and respond properly to the sistuation. Anyway, I couldn't believe the difference in relaxation when breathing excercises. Maybe, when I go out there Friday I'll get and post the instructions. Might help someone, and remind me. Do you have problems staying with something that works. Once I feel better I stop until I feel bad again. Like I said, proactive. Stange how we have problems remembering good. Something our parents said when we were 5 is like yesterday fresh in our minds. Don W

splendra

breathing is good...I like that.