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Feeling Like I Don't Belong.........

Old 08-18-2005, 06:33 PM
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Feeling Like I Don't Belong.........

Hey SR I need your help right now and advice, I have been down since yesterday afternoon, and I even was planning a relapse last night, a guy nodded at me and I turned around, then said to myself "What the F*** are you doing Vic?" I left not scoring thank God and headed to a coffee shop where I know some of the people from the program hang out. I noticed about 4 people from this group that I have been going to there and pulled in the parking lot, and I turned around and left.(didn't feel like I belonged there either) I did go to I Hop and had a coke, but I have been just barely hanging on all day. I feel like I don't belong in this group, I am isolating I have been doing 3 meeting a day, but I just left the 8:00 meeting only there for a short time cause I don't feel like I belong and came here to tell you all what is going on. I have tears running down my face and I am telling you this, I don't know what to do. I am so lonely right now not knowing anyone, no friends at all here, I don't want to use but I know that I can find relief that way, yet I know too that if I do use I will feel worse than what I do right now. I have been reading a lot, I haven't had any work which is normal I guess for just moving to a different state but I am so confussed right now. I am hurting so bad inside and don't know who I can talk to, but I can tell you all cause you know me and I know that you will tell me what I need to do. Ok I will stop.

Love Vic
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Old 08-18-2005, 06:40 PM
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Hey Vic,
I am sorry that you are feeling down. I have struggled with the feeling of not belonging for most of my life, I think many of us do.The disease wants us to feel that way. That feeling was one of the major reasons for my using,you know? The thing is you do belong and I am glad you are here sharing your recovery with us. This too shall pass (( Vic )). You are so not alone.
Bless, Trish
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Old 08-18-2005, 06:43 PM
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Hi Vic,

I guess I would say you just need a little patience Vic. You haven't been in your new place long and it takes awhile before you can feel really comfortable. How about concentrating on fixing up your place, finding furniture and things you need to make it feel like home. And how about exercise - do you walk/hike/bike or anything that will get your moving. Another thing that is good is volunteering. It's a great way to meet new people and you can feel like you're doing something positive. There are always lots of organizations in every city that need help in a variety of ways.

I'm so glad you stayed strong last night!

Love, Anna
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Old 08-18-2005, 06:45 PM
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Lucky, I hope you are doing better. I can't tell you what to do. You probably know that better than I. Just wanted to give you some hope and let you know I have sent this site to my father who has been an achol. for years. You guys have been great...take pride in that!
Good luck to you,
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Old 08-18-2005, 06:45 PM
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Sorry to hear your feeling down Vic.And im glad you didnt use.As for feeling like you dont fit in? I think quite a few people go through that.I know I did at one time.Later I figured out it was all in my mind.I wasnt allowing myself to fit in.Try commiting to some service work.Its a great way to meet more people.Also go to any NA activities that come around.Hang in there.
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Old 08-18-2005, 07:01 PM
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Hey Vic- Try your very best to beat the drug. Don't let it beat you. Take it ONE day at a time. Don't think of the long run. It's like when you climb a hill or stair case. You are looking down at one stair at a time or one step at a time cause if you look up those stairs or hill, boy won't it get a lot harder. You keep walking and taking steps and before you know it you will be there. Just get through today and tonight. When tomorrow comes, get through that. Use ALL that you have. All the sources and tools. Feeling lonely is scary, but talk to recovering people who understands. Don't ever sit there and listen to your mind too long cause your mind will be playing tricks on you. I will take time to learn a new way. Vic, try to be patient and don't panic. In life, you will NEVER always feel comfortable. Welcome to the REAL world. Hang in there
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Old 08-18-2005, 07:06 PM
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Most can probably identify, we as addicts can Identify with lonliness, anger and fear. Newcomer coming to NA, and sometimes we felt they should have reached out more, or they should know I feel isolated. But if I don't tell you how I really feel, how would you know. It's like sitting at home with a gun in my mouth, and someone calls, I have to take the gun out and answer the phone, when asked how I am doing I say "Fine". Thats all you would know.
I would suggest bringing it up as a Topic, some good feed back should come up!!
Peace,
Todd J.
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Old 08-18-2005, 07:08 PM
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(((Vic))))
I'm so glad that you stayed straight!
You know it won't help you feel better; only worse in the long run.
The others have given you such great advice...I just want you to know I'm proud of you for staying straight! You can do this! You're just under a lot of new experiences and it's stressful.
The one thing I might add is this... Every day, do something in each of the following categories for yourself.
Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. That will keep you fit. And when we fill these needs for ourselves, we feel better; when we feel better, that little voice that wants to get you will not be able to make any headway.
Oh, and Vic...next time, go into the coffee shop with the others. You DO belong there. They WILL accept you. But, Vic, they have to know that you're in need for them to help you!
Please be good to yourself. You are a child of G*D and deserve all that is good...
Shalom!
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Old 08-18-2005, 07:16 PM
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Hey Vic.

Got your Basic Text handy?

Read the first paragraph of "Why are We Here?". ( the part after the italicised.text)

Through drugs we tried to avoid reality, pain, and misery. When the drugs wore off we realized we had the same problems and they were becoming worse. WE sought relief by using again and again - more drugs, more often
Any of this seem familiar?

Remember why you got clean in the first place?

Guess what bud, we can't outrun reality, pain, and misery .. and the damn drugs quit working on us. Otherwise we'd all be using right?

Of course we feel like "we don't fit in". I dunno about you but one of the reasons I started using in teh first place was to feel like "I fit in" to a bigger group. (Wish I'd have picked milionaires to try and fit in with instead of dope firnds lol)

I gurantee you you stay put in one spot long enough clean and you'll start to feel like you fit in.. and then there will be days where that old monster rears it's head and talks it's bs to you again.

And I hope you get your butt to a meeting, or get on SR and yell for help when it does.

It says right on the jacket of teh Text to "give yourself a break and read it"

((((Vic)))))
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Old 08-18-2005, 07:19 PM
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Hi Vic, glad to see you beating back those urges. The way I understand the NA program is that attending meetings will only keep you straight for the hour or so that you are there. It's getting involved, getting a sponsor, doing service, etc that really help. It sounds like you've got a good bit of free time on your hands right now, why don't you get to the meeting early and help set up the chairs, it might be a way to get to meet some people. Ask about service opportunites available, if not in NA, then just in the community in general. Before I was back working I volunteered for a group called Second Harvest that goes around to grocery stores, resturants, and food wholesalers and picks up food that is still OK to eat, but was going to get thrown out. We would then bring it to homless shelters, soup kitchens, etc. It got me out of the house doing something for others, which in turn made me feel good. NA service work would serve the dual purpose of helping other addicts and starting to build that network that you miss. I tend to be a bit of a solitary person myself, so I know how hard it can be. Hope this helps. Take care.
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Old 08-19-2005, 02:16 AM
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You know guys It is 4:00 in the morning and here I am up now, can not go back to sleep, checking email. I hope that I can get back to sleep but just wanted to thank you all for your replies it helped me out a lot. Today they start there convention here for the weekend and I don't know if I should even go. I love those things so much back home but I hate being in big crowds too. I probably should make the first move and go, maybe push myself on some people that are at the group, I think one of the reasons that I don't get to involved is the fear of hurting someone, not being liked, maybe my expectations, I donno. But just wanted to say thank you all for your reply and as far as the basket thing WTF I did not know what to do with it when I recieved it, LOL I am not use to the computer junk yet.

Love Vic
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Old 08-19-2005, 09:26 AM
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Vic, that sucks. I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

I just had an incredible sadness wash over me. I had been looking at this website of a guy that I was very much in love with. I haven't thought of him in a long time and the sight of him jarred me pretty badly. That pain is just searing through me right now and I find myself wishing I had a pill to take to make it go away. That's always been my solution, but now I must find something different.

Work through it, and just keep going no matter what. Somehow things pass, even if it seems like they won't.
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Old 08-19-2005, 02:57 PM
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hey vic. i totally understand how you feel and at this point im not sure i can give too much advice considering that i too feel the same way. the thing is that its never easy to go threw a move and that fact that we are addicts doesnt make it any easier. have you told the people at the meetings how you feel? maybe they can offer some company. try doing an activity like going bowling or something. i have yet to find the perfect remedy to lonliness so i guess we are both on the search. if you find one let me know k?
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Old 08-19-2005, 04:19 PM
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If I try to find similarities, I can relate to anyone. That means I can find something I have in common with the guy in the crack house, or I can relate to the person with ten years of sobriety.

Try to find the similarities in those recovering people. Ignore the differences. They were on the same sinking ship as you - and they made it to safety.

I'll pray for you.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 08-19-2005, 05:14 PM
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Hey Vic,how you doin today?
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Old 08-19-2005, 08:49 PM
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(((vic))) i am coming out of lurking to say you are one of my favorite people whose posts i have read on SR, i get the feeling that you have a big, big heart. good luck, be nice to yourself.
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Old 08-19-2005, 08:54 PM
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Vic, you're not alone. These feelings will pass. You are still getting adjusted to life and to everything. Hang in there and it does get easier and better.

I have felt this way so many times also. I just remember that sometimes this disease wants us to get vulnerable so it can attack us again. Things are often so much better than our minds perceive.

(((Vic))) See the big hug I'm sending your way.............
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Old 08-25-2005, 10:31 AM
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Hey Vic,
I'm right there in the same boat with ya right now hun. Feeling so alone I cant stand it! like if I just joined gave in to using I would fit in somewhere! I hope your better! wish I could say I got your back. welp I need to go talk to the big guy in the sky!
keep going ok!
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Old 08-25-2005, 10:43 AM
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Sup Vic?

I get that feeling sometimes too, right when I got clean and got into NA and didn't know anyone, I would sit in a meeting feeling all uneasy and out of place, but the 3rd tradition would stand out in my mind. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. I had that desire so I figured I was in the right palce. When I get up in my head about what I percive people thinking about me (see that even sounds rediculous, how can I percive someone else's thought process?) I go over the serenity pray in my head to remind me that I can't change someone else and all I can do is be myself. Not sure if any of this made any sense to you, but it's what helps me when my disease puts me at dis-ease with myself. You earned that seat so go fill it!

Later,
-Blake
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Old 09-06-2005, 07:09 AM
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Here we go again and you know what I think sometimes we make people feel like they don't belong now that I have seen someone else take themselves out of SR and I was wondering why, well maybe it is because some of us will respond to certain post and others we don't respond at all, I know when I make a post and I feel as if it is really important that I would like feed back then when you get none, you say WTF am I hear for then just to post for others but when I need direction or confirmation on something and don't get any responses how does that make you feel?

VIC
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