I am afraid to withdraw please help
Danicam
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 25
I am afraid to withdraw please help
My name is Danielle. I have a opiate addition. Here's my story : I am a single mother of a beautiful 16 month old. ( thats why I need to get clean) I live with my grandfather who also just recently
pasased away on JAnuary 19, 2005. That was and still is very hard for me. (hence some of my drug addition) My nephew and godson Nathan was born January 22 2005. The first time I saw Nathan was when I walked in my living room the day of my grandfathers funeral, Icouldn't have been having a worst day ever. I looked over and there was my baby Nathan just home from the hospital. My body just felt so much joy and happiness. I felt like Nathan was a gift from Grampy to me. He knows my love for babies. He knew just what I needed in my
life at the time to help me cope with his death. My grandfather had been my first death. I had no idea how it felt to loose someone so important to me. I took care of him daily. The day of his funeral I just sat and held Nathan for hours and hours thinking "what am I doing high right now.. " But I still had pain. Pain even Nathan or my baby couldn't take away from me. I just didn't want to feel. And still dont. I was left to live in his house with my daughter and without him. I have no $ to move anywhere. No job, no-one to babysit. I can stay at least until the house is sold in 2 more weeks. Needless to say, I was so lonly living in this big house alone, Grampys room wasn't being used at all. I had my brother Jeff, JoAnne and Nathan move in with Bella and I. I thought it would help me cope with my grandfathers death, just to have company and a brand new baby to boost. JoAnne and Nathan were having
problems nursing. I stayed up around the clock with them. (still using)???? Nathan nursed and I pumped JoAnne on the oppisite side to boost her milk supply. Imagine how close we are for that. Ther is no one in the world I would do that for besides my own nephew and godson. We are Godmothers of each others babies. You can only imagine all the plans
we have together with the kids. Camping Trips all paid for...........................Then one morning I woke up to a crazy crazy
phone call saying Jeff and JoAnne and Nathan was in an E. R. Nathan was dead and Jeff had tried CPR over and over and over again. It was not true, It couldnt be true. There was no way. He was my little gift from Grampy. He was born 2 days after my grandfathers passing. I got to the hospital faster than I ever got anywhere. really fast....I walked in the door of the E. R. >>>I saw JoAnne holding my little Nathan wrapped up swaddeled in a white blanket. Rocking him. He was already gone. I just held him and cried and cried and cried. We held Nathan for hours and hours. We had a priest
come in and baptise Nathan. I couldnt belive this. He is He's gone gone forever???? I had just come to terms on accepting my grandfathers death~ but Nathan how he's a baby, not even 3 months old. Grampy lived a full happy life. Nathan will never sit up, laugh, run or play with Bella. How can I ever accept that. I just cant accept a babies death never mind my own nephew. Now Jeff and JoAnne are gone, moved out of the house. I'm left to deal with both deaths all by my self. (more and more drug use) JoAnne barley answers my phone calls. She wont see me. I feel like she hates me right now. They want nothing to do with me right now because I have my baby and they don't. Its not fair. I don't understand god and why why why>>>>>>>>>>I really love both of them and I need them now. No
one loves Nathan more than myself. My heart is in eaqual pain. We need eachother to get through this and they are not there for me at all. I feel like I have lost everybody. I have never been so alone. And no matter how much drugs I do I'm still taking care of my baby. Its come to a point where I have weaned off a little, just enough not to be sick. I can't afford to be sick. What will happen to my baby. But I can't go on like this. In reality I have not dult with either death. And I'm very afraid of my feelings and emotions. I need to get off. I want to get off.. This is not the life I want. My body is just really sad. REALLY REALLY SAD!! ( even on the drugs.) What do I do? Please help. Thank you for listing.I don't have many people to talk to or help me. It's hard to tell people you have a drug addition when you have a baby involved too. She's all I have. I went to a meetin yesterday, and they were talking about rock bottom. I havent hit it yet and I don't want to. Please help me.... This is the first time I have really spoken (or typed my thoughts) but this looks like a good place to start.
Thanks again for listining to me
Danielle
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pasased away on JAnuary 19, 2005. That was and still is very hard for me. (hence some of my drug addition) My nephew and godson Nathan was born January 22 2005. The first time I saw Nathan was when I walked in my living room the day of my grandfathers funeral, Icouldn't have been having a worst day ever. I looked over and there was my baby Nathan just home from the hospital. My body just felt so much joy and happiness. I felt like Nathan was a gift from Grampy to me. He knows my love for babies. He knew just what I needed in my
life at the time to help me cope with his death. My grandfather had been my first death. I had no idea how it felt to loose someone so important to me. I took care of him daily. The day of his funeral I just sat and held Nathan for hours and hours thinking "what am I doing high right now.. " But I still had pain. Pain even Nathan or my baby couldn't take away from me. I just didn't want to feel. And still dont. I was left to live in his house with my daughter and without him. I have no $ to move anywhere. No job, no-one to babysit. I can stay at least until the house is sold in 2 more weeks. Needless to say, I was so lonly living in this big house alone, Grampys room wasn't being used at all. I had my brother Jeff, JoAnne and Nathan move in with Bella and I. I thought it would help me cope with my grandfathers death, just to have company and a brand new baby to boost. JoAnne and Nathan were having
problems nursing. I stayed up around the clock with them. (still using)???? Nathan nursed and I pumped JoAnne on the oppisite side to boost her milk supply. Imagine how close we are for that. Ther is no one in the world I would do that for besides my own nephew and godson. We are Godmothers of each others babies. You can only imagine all the plans
we have together with the kids. Camping Trips all paid for...........................Then one morning I woke up to a crazy crazy
phone call saying Jeff and JoAnne and Nathan was in an E. R. Nathan was dead and Jeff had tried CPR over and over and over again. It was not true, It couldnt be true. There was no way. He was my little gift from Grampy. He was born 2 days after my grandfathers passing. I got to the hospital faster than I ever got anywhere. really fast....I walked in the door of the E. R. >>>I saw JoAnne holding my little Nathan wrapped up swaddeled in a white blanket. Rocking him. He was already gone. I just held him and cried and cried and cried. We held Nathan for hours and hours. We had a priest
come in and baptise Nathan. I couldnt belive this. He is He's gone gone forever???? I had just come to terms on accepting my grandfathers death~ but Nathan how he's a baby, not even 3 months old. Grampy lived a full happy life. Nathan will never sit up, laugh, run or play with Bella. How can I ever accept that. I just cant accept a babies death never mind my own nephew. Now Jeff and JoAnne are gone, moved out of the house. I'm left to deal with both deaths all by my self. (more and more drug use) JoAnne barley answers my phone calls. She wont see me. I feel like she hates me right now. They want nothing to do with me right now because I have my baby and they don't. Its not fair. I don't understand god and why why why>>>>>>>>>>I really love both of them and I need them now. No
one loves Nathan more than myself. My heart is in eaqual pain. We need eachother to get through this and they are not there for me at all. I feel like I have lost everybody. I have never been so alone. And no matter how much drugs I do I'm still taking care of my baby. Its come to a point where I have weaned off a little, just enough not to be sick. I can't afford to be sick. What will happen to my baby. But I can't go on like this. In reality I have not dult with either death. And I'm very afraid of my feelings and emotions. I need to get off. I want to get off.. This is not the life I want. My body is just really sad. REALLY REALLY SAD!! ( even on the drugs.) What do I do? Please help. Thank you for listing.I don't have many people to talk to or help me. It's hard to tell people you have a drug addition when you have a baby involved too. She's all I have. I went to a meetin yesterday, and they were talking about rock bottom. I havent hit it yet and I don't want to. Please help me.... This is the first time I have really spoken (or typed my thoughts) but this looks like a good place to start.
Thanks again for listining to me
Danielle
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JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Danielle it looks like to me that this is a rock bottom for you if you choose it to be, that is your choice, I have been here for 4 months almost and I am going to have four months clean and sober this friday, I went from a 2000 dollar a week to nothing and the withdrawls OMG, these people here hung in there with me, I was k0k0 for coco puffs (well still am) LOL You are doing the deal right now my sponsor says that there are only two things that we need to do DON'T USE OR DRINK AND GO TO MEETINGS. That in itself is a big order. Proud of you Keep Coming to SR and telling us your feeling that is a huge step. Love Vic
God's girl
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 29
Depends on how hard you were into drugs. I don't think there is any way to tell how sick you are goin to get. Maybe you won't get sick at all. I didn't have physical withdrawls like throwing up or anything. I did experience alot of restlessness and sleeplessness for the first couple of weeks. My ah got the shakes and hallucinated some it varies for each person I guess.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Mine was just mainly really tired and of course my mind, physically I was really shaky I am told but I don't remember a whole week, the people in my group told me how I was, I would go to meetings and not even know how I got there or home, thank God I didn't kill anyone. I think you will be alright just try to focus your mind somewhere else like reading, watching a movie, keep your mind active for right now. Love Vic
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 104
I'm sorry for the loss of your nephew and your grandfather. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I hope you'll get to some meetings and talk about this stuff.
I've been off opiates for 62 days. The withdrawal wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was taking 7-10 Norcos a day. If you can taper down, that will help considerably. I still have cravings, but things are so much better now.
I've been off opiates for 62 days. The withdrawal wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was taking 7-10 Norcos a day. If you can taper down, that will help considerably. I still have cravings, but things are so much better now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
Danielle,
I am sorry for your losses. Words can't heal what you are feeling, but neither can the pills. You have a beautiful child that depends on you. How bad do you want to get well? How badly do you want to be there for your child? Only you know the answers to those questions. If you want it, you can do and will do anything within your power to make it happen.
I have over 6 years sobriety. I thought I could never make it happen. I was so depressed. But, I did want health and I wanted to see my then 2 year old nephew grow up--and I knew I would be dead soon if I didn't get help.
It is hard work, but I had minimal symptoms, just restlessness, some stomach upset, but not bad. I had used daily for over 10 years.
Do no let fear rule you. You have to be in control.
You can do it, honey. But it is your decision! :sunani
I am sorry for your losses. Words can't heal what you are feeling, but neither can the pills. You have a beautiful child that depends on you. How bad do you want to get well? How badly do you want to be there for your child? Only you know the answers to those questions. If you want it, you can do and will do anything within your power to make it happen.
I have over 6 years sobriety. I thought I could never make it happen. I was so depressed. But, I did want health and I wanted to see my then 2 year old nephew grow up--and I knew I would be dead soon if I didn't get help.
It is hard work, but I had minimal symptoms, just restlessness, some stomach upset, but not bad. I had used daily for over 10 years.
Do no let fear rule you. You have to be in control.
You can do it, honey. But it is your decision! :sunani
Danicam
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 25
1I have 12 hours clean... no pills at all... I have a bad stomach ache, the shakes, pucking anything I eat or drink.... Am I going to get dehidrated on top of it? Can I take clonipin to sleep?
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
I would just wait it out if I were you, I know it is hard sometimes in early sobriety I only got 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night, OMG, I thought I was dieing, but here I am still doing what I do. I know that it is hard but just hang in there it does get better ok. I am not a person to ask about pills though cause for me "one is too many and a thousand is never enough" of anything. Ok thinking about you. Love Vic
Danicam
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 25
it's been 24 hours no pills at all. My heads in the toilet... the back of my legs hurt. I have my baby I have to take care of.. I would post more but my computer is up stairs. I think it was smart weaning to vikes the last few days but prior to that I too alot of perks daily. I think thats why I am getting preety sick. Thanks for all the support. In this time Ive come to realize the deaths in my family are not the problem right now Its the fack that im an addict. I need to deal with that and I am determened not to live my life like this... Not one more day. I hate withdrawing but I hate using even more...
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JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Glad that you are here and remember that we have all been where you are and I myself am not that far from there but you are doing great and I am very proud of you. If you want to use call someone or come here and write about it, PM someone, do whatever it takes just don't use right now. Praying for you LOVE Vic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: cullman al
Posts: 2
I just went threw opiate withdrawl a while back but it wasn't the first time. Every time was painful but this time I couldn't lay around and let it take over my body. I was on my knees asking what ever was listening to help me. I had lost everything but my life and I didn't want the one I had. Something was listening to me that day and things happened from minute to minute to keep me from putting the poison in. My body hurt but my arms itched and my mind went crazy. Only thoughts of using in my mind. Nothing else!!! I went to a meeting and asked somebody who knew what I was talking about to help. They did. Since that day I have been different. That was not long ago and I don't have the desire to get high today. I go to meetings everyday, call my sponsor, hang out with people who are not using. If you have the desire to stop using, people will help you.
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