Anger is eating me alive
I'm an addict.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
Anger is eating me alive
I am pissed off......once again......sorry but I need to vent.
I was in a good mood all weekend. Saturday we had an Activities and Fundraisers subcomitee meeting and I was supposed to meet this dude at the coffee shop at 1. I was waiting on someone that I was giving a ride to the meeting to show up at my house and we didn't get to the coffee shop till 1:10. Charlie had already left and went home. I tried to call him but his phone was off or he wasn't answering it. I figured he was going to show up at the meeting on his own. We went to the meeting and he never showed. Oh well, I thought. Last night at the meeting, he was there so I told him hello when I saw him and he brushed me off. During the meeting he shared about how "he got stood up this weekend" and how "people need to do what they say they are going to do."
Charlie is a very angry older man that is allways pissed off at someone in the program. I have been lucky enough to avoid it till now. I found out after the meeting that he had given one of my friends his A&F notes and told them to tell me to "shove them up my ass" This is what really pissed me off, that he was talking **** about me to someone else. When I heard this last night, I almost exploded. I'm glad charlie was gone by then b/c I don't think I would have been able to hold my tongue.
My sponsor told me to ignore charlie for a few days till I "cooled off" then talk to him outside of a meeting where noone could hear what we were saying. I didn't want to hear that, I really want to call him out during a meeting like he does everyone else. My sponsor reminded me that charlie was a really sick person and I shouldn't stoop to his level. Well ****, I'm a sick person too. I think someone needs to tell charlie off, for his own good....why not me?
I'm gonna follow my sponsor's suggestion, but I don't have to like it.
Now moving on to today...
I woke up this morning and I started reading my meditation...halfway through the whole charlie thing popped into my head. I was kinda hoping that a night of sleep would make me less angry, nope.
I came to work in a bad mood and I got slammed with a shitload of stuff to do and almost worked through lunch trying to finish it all. I got most of it completed and went to lunch. When I got back, my office manager (who only supervises lately and doesn't really do any work) asked me to clear out my endorsement folder and go file b/c we couldn't get to it friday. I haven't had time today to do anything besides what is directly infront of me and she wants me to do busy work!!! When I went into her office she was online talking with one of her friends and not doing much of anything. I got pissed....if she is gonna sit there and do nothing, she can go ******* file!!!!
Then to top things off, my boss (also my dad) asks me what is wrong and I tell him nothing (b/c I don't want to start **** in the office) and hewon't let it go. He came and sat at my desk and kept asking me what was wrong and I kept telling him not to worry about it and I kept getting more and more pissed that he wouldn't let the **** die. So I told him to stop talking to me and go back to his desk (probably not the best way to put it, but anger clouded my judgement) and he got pissed. He then accused me of being loaded. (well he asked me if I was loaded, he said that wasn't an accusation, it was a question. but I promise he'd think it was an accusation if I asked him, "are you ******* around on mom?" just a question, huh?) I almost had to leave the office I was so pissed. I told him I was "very offended by the question and that I hadn't done any dope in 5 months and I think it would be best if he got out of my sight" (again with the wrong choice of words here) It pissed me off and I had to come write about it here to get it off my chest...i feel a little better already.
I was in a good mood all weekend. Saturday we had an Activities and Fundraisers subcomitee meeting and I was supposed to meet this dude at the coffee shop at 1. I was waiting on someone that I was giving a ride to the meeting to show up at my house and we didn't get to the coffee shop till 1:10. Charlie had already left and went home. I tried to call him but his phone was off or he wasn't answering it. I figured he was going to show up at the meeting on his own. We went to the meeting and he never showed. Oh well, I thought. Last night at the meeting, he was there so I told him hello when I saw him and he brushed me off. During the meeting he shared about how "he got stood up this weekend" and how "people need to do what they say they are going to do."
Charlie is a very angry older man that is allways pissed off at someone in the program. I have been lucky enough to avoid it till now. I found out after the meeting that he had given one of my friends his A&F notes and told them to tell me to "shove them up my ass" This is what really pissed me off, that he was talking **** about me to someone else. When I heard this last night, I almost exploded. I'm glad charlie was gone by then b/c I don't think I would have been able to hold my tongue.
My sponsor told me to ignore charlie for a few days till I "cooled off" then talk to him outside of a meeting where noone could hear what we were saying. I didn't want to hear that, I really want to call him out during a meeting like he does everyone else. My sponsor reminded me that charlie was a really sick person and I shouldn't stoop to his level. Well ****, I'm a sick person too. I think someone needs to tell charlie off, for his own good....why not me?
I'm gonna follow my sponsor's suggestion, but I don't have to like it.
Now moving on to today...
I woke up this morning and I started reading my meditation...halfway through the whole charlie thing popped into my head. I was kinda hoping that a night of sleep would make me less angry, nope.
I came to work in a bad mood and I got slammed with a shitload of stuff to do and almost worked through lunch trying to finish it all. I got most of it completed and went to lunch. When I got back, my office manager (who only supervises lately and doesn't really do any work) asked me to clear out my endorsement folder and go file b/c we couldn't get to it friday. I haven't had time today to do anything besides what is directly infront of me and she wants me to do busy work!!! When I went into her office she was online talking with one of her friends and not doing much of anything. I got pissed....if she is gonna sit there and do nothing, she can go ******* file!!!!
Then to top things off, my boss (also my dad) asks me what is wrong and I tell him nothing (b/c I don't want to start **** in the office) and hewon't let it go. He came and sat at my desk and kept asking me what was wrong and I kept telling him not to worry about it and I kept getting more and more pissed that he wouldn't let the **** die. So I told him to stop talking to me and go back to his desk (probably not the best way to put it, but anger clouded my judgement) and he got pissed. He then accused me of being loaded. (well he asked me if I was loaded, he said that wasn't an accusation, it was a question. but I promise he'd think it was an accusation if I asked him, "are you ******* around on mom?" just a question, huh?) I almost had to leave the office I was so pissed. I told him I was "very offended by the question and that I hadn't done any dope in 5 months and I think it would be best if he got out of my sight" (again with the wrong choice of words here) It pissed me off and I had to come write about it here to get it off my chest...i feel a little better already.
I'm an addict.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get rid of this anger, I don't like being angry and I hate being in a ****** mood. How do yall hadle situations that **** yall off?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey Blake...
Getting rid of anger....
without confronting.. ;o)
Well.. praying for that person has always worked for me...
And I think about the times when I've been unreasonable... ~~eyes rolling... ~~
Ya know... let him without sin cast the first stone.. ;o)
Getting rid of anger....
without confronting.. ;o)
Well.. praying for that person has always worked for me...
And I think about the times when I've been unreasonable... ~~eyes rolling... ~~
Ya know... let him without sin cast the first stone.. ;o)
God's girl
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 29
I don't know. I really don't have any good experience with dealing with anger. I'm usually either in denial of the anger, or I'm stuffing the anger until I explode in a very unhealthy manner. Lately I've been trying to express that anger before I get explosive so that I don't come across as so crazy and end up saying really mean things that I regret later. But it's hard. So far I have figured out not to say things in the heat of the moment and to run it by my sponsor before I tell the person what I want to say. That way if it is inappropriate at least I got it out somehow and then I can calm down and get to a more appropriate way to express my anger.
Dreamlike...Now
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 707
I let myself feel the anger fully, then let it wash over me without resisting it and then I surrender it to God and ask that I be shown what lesson is behind the anger...what should I be looking to improve upon myself? And I pray the resentment prayer......Good Luck Blake. I like your blog.
Tanya
Tanya
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Hey Blake !
Sorry you are so pissed off today! Prayer and a little self searching,help's me when I get a resentment, or venting like you just did. Sometimes I write a letter and don't send it ! 
I'm an addict.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
This picture kinda cheered me up...
It made me laugh (I have a strange sense of humor) and you can't be mad and laugh at the same time. Kinda like sneezeing with your eyes open, not possible
Thanks for all the responses. They are all appreciated, and good ideas.
It made me laugh (I have a strange sense of humor) and you can't be mad and laugh at the same time. Kinda like sneezeing with your eyes open, not possible
Thanks for all the responses. They are all appreciated, and good ideas.
NA Rocks!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Location Location
Posts: 517
Ahahahaha!!! 
Thanks for posting the pic, Blake. That's adorable! Too funny! And I'm also grateful for you posting your situation. I'm battling some serious anger with someone in my life, too, and it's eating me alive. I'm stuffing it right now, but I'm terrified it's going to explode sometime soon. It's really helpful to read these responses. I'm praying my buns off! It still hurts, though. I guess time heals. I want to be the bigger person. I want to not do what this person is probably expecting me to do. I want to show them the new me.
Anyway, thanks!
Thanks for posting the pic, Blake. That's adorable! Too funny! And I'm also grateful for you posting your situation. I'm battling some serious anger with someone in my life, too, and it's eating me alive. I'm stuffing it right now, but I'm terrified it's going to explode sometime soon. It's really helpful to read these responses. I'm praying my buns off! It still hurts, though. I guess time heals. I want to be the bigger person. I want to not do what this person is probably expecting me to do. I want to show them the new me.Anyway, thanks!
... all those dead kittens on my head...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
