Sorry please read
All in God's Hands
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 81
Sorry please read
I am so sorry to have misled all of you in my earlier pos. I myself am a recovering drug addict and alocholic. I will have 5 years on October 31. This is actually the day of my death and my rebirth. I was literally dead for over 5 minutes. After I was revived and got detoxed I realised how much I had to lose and how much I wanted to live. I can say that I am grateful for this second chance at life. I am a proud mother of 3 children ages 3.5, 18 months and 3 months. God has given me more than enough to be grateful for. I am not going to lie and say that staying sober has been easy because it has not. There are times like now seeing my husband getting high on my drug of choice(cocaine) that test me in everyway. I know that until he wants help there is nothing I can do but love him and that is something I let him know everyday.
Heather
Heather
JstBcuz
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 82
No saying your sorry here. You have 4 VERY good reasons to be thankful for your 2nd chance at life! U are #1 & UR 3 kids are the 2nd reason.
I have been clean sine Feb. 21, 05 & no it has not been easy. DOC before I decided to get clean was crack. Used to be coke and as sick as it is it use to be a social drug & high so I thought, but in my eyes it was. It was at parties in the begining a few years ago. When it was gone it was gone NO BIGGY.
Well my New husband got me into crack, I tryed it in the past (before my husband existed) but didn't want the crack I perfered my powder instead. I ran into my hisband, moved to NY to be with this wonderful GQ looking dude that I knew since I was 3, well more like knew of after marrying him and meeting the real him. He loved/ loves his crack, I tried it once with him acting all dumb like "Uh how do I do this", then once every few weeks, then once a week then every few days, to 1,2,3 day binges.
Crack did just that cracked my life, morals, self respect, life all up. U got me on the 2nd chance to live aspect! 1/16/03 I had an aweful car wreck on my way to work (no drugs involved, just a old man hitting me head on. I flat lined 3 times, flown to the hospital for a 9 month stay. 1st surgery was 17hrs, in a coma for a month, 10 broken ribs, lacerated lung, liver and pancras, nerve damage to my right arm elbow down, metal rods in BOTH legs from hips to ankles, 14 screws in left leg, and over 20something screws in my right leg oh and more surgury and scars. But after my 9month hospital stay and learning to read, write walk & talk ALL OVER AGAIN. I was home from the hospital for almost 2 weeks and my husband asked me to get hight with him I said no and he got his drug attitude and got mad and threatened me, and what would really upset me then was he would look at me acting like he was cringing, and they say these words I can't seem to forget
"RHO LOOK AT U, YOU ARE NOT THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I MARRIED, DON'T GET HIGH I'LL LEAVE YOU AND WON'T NOBODY EVER WANT YOU".
God theose words hurt still hurt me to think he sai that to me his wife and sons mother!!!!!!! But make the horror story short. we are in seperate homes I have sole custody, I have been clean for over a year , 1yr & 4months to be exact but **** who is counting, oh me that is who. My job took me back I have a GREAT job, got a promotion have sole custody nad he well he started smoking the crack again in the end of Feb 05, won't work, and so on, the days I drop off my son to him before I go to work he tells me how pretty I am that I look hot and so on. I wish I never listened to him when he told me the looking so ugly stuff! I have men hitting on me left and right and I felt guilty about it up until 2 weeks ago!
You know why about a few weeks ago I was over at his moms with him he asked meto spend the night, I did cause it was May 27th our 3 year anniversary. Our son fell asleep and he asked me to take him to get cigs and take a ride. Well I did and I was so happy cause I was with this man I have a baby with, and is sexy, but we pulled up to the gas station he gets out and walks in gets his cigs walks out and OVER TO THE DRUG DEALERS CAR. gets his crack , and ohmy god my handfs are shaking now thinking of how I was feeling at that moment. He got in my truck I was going off on him and shaking and everything, I was driving down the street and the MFer did a hit right there in my truck with me driving, the look of him, the SOUND of it and the smell FREAKED ME THE F OUT!
Girl your kids are MORE important that having your husband disrespect YOU and your kids by doing the coke especially by doing it in front of you.
Sorry so long but I feel a little better getting that off my mind, you know i didn't FLAT LINE 3 times and then live to be a smart, pretty woman for nothing. GOD SAVED ME FOR MY KIDS. THEY NEED at least 1 GOOD PARENT, girl make that good parent be YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been clean sine Feb. 21, 05 & no it has not been easy. DOC before I decided to get clean was crack. Used to be coke and as sick as it is it use to be a social drug & high so I thought, but in my eyes it was. It was at parties in the begining a few years ago. When it was gone it was gone NO BIGGY.
Well my New husband got me into crack, I tryed it in the past (before my husband existed) but didn't want the crack I perfered my powder instead. I ran into my hisband, moved to NY to be with this wonderful GQ looking dude that I knew since I was 3, well more like knew of after marrying him and meeting the real him. He loved/ loves his crack, I tried it once with him acting all dumb like "Uh how do I do this", then once every few weeks, then once a week then every few days, to 1,2,3 day binges.
Crack did just that cracked my life, morals, self respect, life all up. U got me on the 2nd chance to live aspect! 1/16/03 I had an aweful car wreck on my way to work (no drugs involved, just a old man hitting me head on. I flat lined 3 times, flown to the hospital for a 9 month stay. 1st surgery was 17hrs, in a coma for a month, 10 broken ribs, lacerated lung, liver and pancras, nerve damage to my right arm elbow down, metal rods in BOTH legs from hips to ankles, 14 screws in left leg, and over 20something screws in my right leg oh and more surgury and scars. But after my 9month hospital stay and learning to read, write walk & talk ALL OVER AGAIN. I was home from the hospital for almost 2 weeks and my husband asked me to get hight with him I said no and he got his drug attitude and got mad and threatened me, and what would really upset me then was he would look at me acting like he was cringing, and they say these words I can't seem to forget
"RHO LOOK AT U, YOU ARE NOT THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I MARRIED, DON'T GET HIGH I'LL LEAVE YOU AND WON'T NOBODY EVER WANT YOU".
God theose words hurt still hurt me to think he sai that to me his wife and sons mother!!!!!!! But make the horror story short. we are in seperate homes I have sole custody, I have been clean for over a year , 1yr & 4months to be exact but **** who is counting, oh me that is who. My job took me back I have a GREAT job, got a promotion have sole custody nad he well he started smoking the crack again in the end of Feb 05, won't work, and so on, the days I drop off my son to him before I go to work he tells me how pretty I am that I look hot and so on. I wish I never listened to him when he told me the looking so ugly stuff! I have men hitting on me left and right and I felt guilty about it up until 2 weeks ago!
You know why about a few weeks ago I was over at his moms with him he asked meto spend the night, I did cause it was May 27th our 3 year anniversary. Our son fell asleep and he asked me to take him to get cigs and take a ride. Well I did and I was so happy cause I was with this man I have a baby with, and is sexy, but we pulled up to the gas station he gets out and walks in gets his cigs walks out and OVER TO THE DRUG DEALERS CAR. gets his crack , and ohmy god my handfs are shaking now thinking of how I was feeling at that moment. He got in my truck I was going off on him and shaking and everything, I was driving down the street and the MFer did a hit right there in my truck with me driving, the look of him, the SOUND of it and the smell FREAKED ME THE F OUT!
Girl your kids are MORE important that having your husband disrespect YOU and your kids by doing the coke especially by doing it in front of you.
Sorry so long but I feel a little better getting that off my mind, you know i didn't FLAT LINE 3 times and then live to be a smart, pretty woman for nothing. GOD SAVED ME FOR MY KIDS. THEY NEED at least 1 GOOD PARENT, girl make that good parent be YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JstBcuz
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 82
(((Heather))) I wasn't sure if that was all gonna ever be read I just seemed to go on and on.
Thank you for saying that nice stuff you just said. I don't feel that way but thank you. I gotz a lotta sizt on my mind, I mean it is 3:12am and I gotz to get up at 5:30am to go to the gym adn then shower go to work.
I guess I just get mad cause I feel like I got clean kicked the sick crack habit and my loser of a husband can't do it and if for anyone HIS/OUR son. He is gonna be 3 in August, and the little boy thinks the world of his daddy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I mean **** my AH got paid Friday for working 19 hours, and on Minday he was asking me to bring diapers and milk and apple jiuce over when I drop our son off for him and his MOM(more or less his mom) to watch mhile I am at work making money. I asked him why doesn't he do it he worked? aAnd well he relapsed in Feb 05 so U, I his mom we all know where his money went , the crack dealer who is sporting a NEW LINCOLN NAVIGATOR!
Thank you for saying that nice stuff you just said. I don't feel that way but thank you. I gotz a lotta sizt on my mind, I mean it is 3:12am and I gotz to get up at 5:30am to go to the gym adn then shower go to work.
I guess I just get mad cause I feel like I got clean kicked the sick crack habit and my loser of a husband can't do it and if for anyone HIS/OUR son. He is gonna be 3 in August, and the little boy thinks the world of his daddy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I mean **** my AH got paid Friday for working 19 hours, and on Minday he was asking me to bring diapers and milk and apple jiuce over when I drop our son off for him and his MOM(more or less his mom) to watch mhile I am at work making money. I asked him why doesn't he do it he worked? aAnd well he relapsed in Feb 05 so U, I his mom we all know where his money went , the crack dealer who is sporting a NEW LINCOLN NAVIGATOR!
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Rho,
Congratulations on 1 year and 4 months! And thank you for sharing, too! My husband is an addict, too, but he is clean. He still has problems, though, and I just got back from my therapist, and we think I probably need to go to more Al-Anon or other codependents' meetings. You and Heather want to join me? I think it's a good idea for ALL of us!
Heather,
You want to go to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon or something with me and Rho? lol. Or maybe we could start our own group. Haha.
Have a great day, ladies!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
Congratulations on 1 year and 4 months! And thank you for sharing, too! My husband is an addict, too, but he is clean. He still has problems, though, and I just got back from my therapist, and we think I probably need to go to more Al-Anon or other codependents' meetings. You and Heather want to join me? I think it's a good idea for ALL of us!
Heather,
You want to go to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon or something with me and Rho? lol. Or maybe we could start our own group. Haha.
Have a great day, ladies!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Texas Nar-Anon meetings
Here ^ is the list of face-to-face Nar-Anon meetings for Texas. There are also online meeting here at SR, though I'm not sure of the schedule. Plus you've already been to the Nar-Anon forum here. I may put up a post there about my husband soon. I don't know, but I'll see you around over there, I'm sure.
There are no Nar-Anon meetings in my area, so I occasionally go to Al-Anon. I guess I need to do that soon. Maybe tonight. We'll see. Take care and keep posting, Heather!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
Here ^ is the list of face-to-face Nar-Anon meetings for Texas. There are also online meeting here at SR, though I'm not sure of the schedule. Plus you've already been to the Nar-Anon forum here. I may put up a post there about my husband soon. I don't know, but I'll see you around over there, I'm sure.
There are no Nar-Anon meetings in my area, so I occasionally go to Al-Anon. I guess I need to do that soon. Maybe tonight. We'll see. Take care and keep posting, Heather!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
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