eddie z.

I posted this in Grief and Loss, but of course there's not much traffic there, so I thought someone here might be able to help:


My best girlfriend of ten years "dumped" me. And that was almost ten years ago! They say it's worse to lose someone if they DON'T die than if they do and I think that must be true because I can't get over the pain. I keep hoping she'll get in touch with me someday. I have dreams about her.

I think her choice to not see me anymore had more to do with her issues than anything I actually did, but I'm on my Ninth Step and I wonder if there's something I need to make amends to her for. Or is that just an excuse to contact her? Did you ever have to ask somebody if you owed them an amends?

I need some kind of resolution here, 'cause I know I've got a big resentment against her. I just don't know how to handle it...Yes, I've talked to my sponsor and I'm sure we'll talk more about it. I wanted to get some feedback here though, too. Thanks!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Paulie

WOW your post brought up some really painfun stuff for me.

I 'dumped' my best friend of 17 years when I got clean. She didn't get clean I had to separate myself from her to save my life. But I carry so much guilt over that you have no idea.

Eddie....I think for whatever reason sometimes we change as we grow in our life. If she is on your amends list that is one thing, but asking someone if you owe them amends..not sure about that.

You are carrying a resentment for her....you need to pray for her and pray for yourself. You know what resentments do to us addicts.

Journal about her, ask your HP to help you let this go and wish her the best in life.

And understand that sometimes something that affects us so deeply has nothing to do with us. We cant take everything personaly. That is what I hope and pray my friend understands.

wantneeda

I can relate Eddie
I don't see any of my best girlfriends anymore...i miss them. I've entertained thoughts of contacting them, but i fear a relapse if i do.
I was told to read page 552 of the AA BB, pray for that person.
then my answer might be more clear.
Remember your amendment is for your benefit, your sobriety, not for her. Wether to do so would injure them or others. I also have to make sure it won't injure myself further. That thinking could be wrong, i don't know.

What ever happens as a result is in your HP hands.
hugs & hugs Wendy

eddie z.

I have some idea actually. My husband and I totally cut ties with another couple we were close to because they weren't ready to get clean when we did. But I know, like you, that it was to save our lives. I feel bad that they're probably still living in the hell of addiction, but I can't afford to feel guilty. I'm not responsible for their disease. I am responsible for my recovery, however.

Thank you, Paulie and Wendy! I do pray for my friend 'cause I know she suffers, too. My sponsor doesn't seem to think I owe her any amends, but I don't know why she would have done what she did if I hadn't done something wrong. It's very confusing, isn't it?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Paulie

Pray for your HP to show you your part in the situation.

Thanks, I always say stuff like "you have no idea how I feel " , you think I would be over the uniqueness by now

eddie z.

Not a problem, Paulie! I know it's just a figure of speech.

To me, asking for help from others IS a form of praying to my HP. That's why I'm sometimes so anxious on here to get others' feedback.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Blake

Hey eddie,

I just wrote an entry in my blog about how I converse with my higher power through other people....check it out.

eddie z.

Here is more about my Higher Power.
Thanks, Blake! I loved it. Oddly enough, what really helped me with whole HP thing was the AA literature, particularly "Bill's Story" and "We Agnostics" from the Big Book and the chapter on Step Two in the 12 X 12. You might want to have a look at those, too. Big Book online. Enjoy!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

skissors6

eddie-

i totally feel for you and i agree with what paulie and wendy have been saying. And I, through experience, can relate to someone who is gone can feel worse than someonee who died.

i would say the same thing...pray to your HP and wait for him to tell you what to do.

love and hugs(in return to all of yours)
lol

-Skiss

eddie z.

Thanks, Skiss! Although I did a double take when you said you agreed with Wendy because that is my friend's name, too. I think I'm going to try to get her an email.

Love and hugs,
Eddie