eddie z.

My only sponsee fired me today. On my voice mail. She was only my second sponsee and the first one fired me, too. This second one was in a therapeutic community where we have a weekly H&I meeting. I feel like I should have gone to that meeting more than I did. Maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe not. I don't know 'cause I can't call her and ask. How do you sponsor someone you can't call and who can only call out a couple of times a week?

I'm just a little disappointed in myself, I guess. Needed to get it off my chest. I know I need to talk to MY sponsor and I will, but it's too late at night right now. Plus I like hearing what you all have to say also. Thanks!

Love and s,
Eddie

best

You can put 20 people in a room. Mix and match all day long and you may never come up with 10 teams of two each.
Remember... they are working an active recovery and may not have all their thoughts going in the right direction yet.
With time, there will be that one person who becomes a match. Till that time, all any of us can do is allow ourselves to become available. The choice is in their hands

eddie z.

Thanks for the encouragement, Best!! I just feel that by not going to that meeting, I was not making myself available. I don't know what it is with me and meetings lately. I just don't want to go very far to get to one. I guess this is the REAL issue, huh?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

splendra

Oh ((((Eddie)))

Don't worry about it. Pray that they find the right sponcer for them and let it go...cause it's gonna be alright. It is not a reflection on you.....

Paulie

I remember the first couple times I was fired eddie. Even worse I remember the first few sponsees that relapsed while I was sponsoring them.

A wise old man (the head of my rehab and my first sponsor) told me to always remember that they are addicts just like I am, it had nothing to do with me. He said to me once when I called him crying cause this young sponsee had relapsed 'would it be my fault if you went out and used today?' Of course I said 'no'. then he said, what makes you so much more important then me that it is your fault that your sponsee used".

It has nothing to do with us. But, I know you feel bad and that is okay.

Wait til you have a sponsee scream and you and tell you to shut the F up LOL, that is a whole new experience in itself.

We are all trying to do the same thing, stay sober one day at a time, but we are all at different places in our struggle.

Don't take it personal, and don't feel guilty.

eddie z.

Thank you, splendra and Paulie! I know not to take it too personally. I'm just feeling like I've been irresponsible, especially about going to regular meetings (as opposed to service-oriented meetings). I don't even know when the last time I went to my HOME group was and they meet twice a week!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

godsonmyside

Eddie, Sleeping on the couch while you've got a comfortable bed!!
You will be alright if you let yourself, don't beat yourself up, just make the corrections where they need to be made.
Peace, Love and a Great BIG HUG,
Todd J.

eddie z.

And it would appear I know what those corrections are, huh? MEETINGS! Thanks, Todd!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Paulie

Isn't that a great feeling.

eddie z.

Yup!

Gotta run now, literally!
Love and hugs,
Eddie :privateey

namommy

Sponsees change sponsors for different reasons. Whatever the reason know that you were put in her life and she in yours for a reason. Maybe it's just that the reason has passed.

I just had a sponsee fire me. She said I wasn't available to give her enough time. Probably, but we won't know since she RARELY if ever called me. And, when we did talk, Pulling a conversation out of her could actually be painful. She did what she felt she needed to do. Maybe she will be more comfortable talking to someone else and she might actually call them.

Ultimately, they are responsible for their own recovery, just like we are. One day, that sponsee that you form that special bond with will appear, in God's time.

eddie z.

Thank you, too, Laurie! She said something about me having too much on my plate which is weird because since May 19 I have really had nothing to do. I guess it was just me not making it to that meeting and someone else who did. That's probably better anyway, although MY sponsor's NOT going to be happy! I need to call her and tell her, by the way. Better go do that...

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Gooch

I wouldn't dwell on it Eddie. I see some aesome sponsorship families around her. ( I'm in one.. ) but I also see a lot of confusion in newcomers about what sponsorship is supposed to be about. You can say the words "guide through the steps" and they still get a mental image of "loan department, taxi service, babysitter, mechanic, seamstress, bail bondsmen, etc etc. etc.

Maybe you've just been traded in for a more popular model, then maybe you were just supposed to get encouraged to hit a few more meeetings and now your sponsees work here is done. tee hee


Most of my "sponsees" either wander off, get in a relationship and diissapear or relapse. One who fired me puts tears in my eyes almost everytime I hear him share. He's got a lot on the ball and I'll be forever grateful for whatever postive influences I made. He sure made some in my life.

eddie z.

Thanks, Gooch! I called my sponsor and she was saying the same sort of thing you all are telling me. Of course, I did acknowledge that my lack of meeting attendance may have played a part and that I need to get out to more. I just hope she's alright and found somebody else good, you know?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

eddie z.

Dude, you edited your post while I was posting!

teehee yourself! LOL.

Love & hugs,
ed

mackat

ditto to all those good posts above

my ex sponsees range all the way from one guy who is dead from an OD to another guy who moved away, somehow managed to call me a couple years later to thank me and tell me he now had a year clean. like gooch said, sometimes its ALL about what they are teaching me...

Ann

Eddie, CoDA is my home fellowship and my first two sponsees died. One comitted suicide and the other returned to drugs and overdosed. I felt soooo responsible and it took me a long time and a lot of work with MY sponsor to get past that. Both had a previous history of the problems that killed them, and I know that nothing I did could have made them do it or prevent it, but it was a terrible thing for me nevertheless. My next two sponsees (who knew my track record, LOL) were great, willing to do the work and gave me more than I ever could have given them.

Don't give up, work on your feelings about this and your own issues, and just keep doing the "do" things.

Hugs
Ann

pedagogue

It sounds like it may not have been a good fit. It is important to have a good fit for a successful sponsor-sponsee relationship. Dont' beat yourself up; consider this an opportunity to find a new person to help.

-pedagogue

eddie z.

Thank you, mackat, Ann, and pedagogue! mackat, it's been forever! Good to see you! I'm not really sweating this deal too much. I am taking it as a sign, though, about getting back to NA meetings. I just felt like I should share it with y'all.

Love and hugs,
Eddie :shysmile:

mackat

good to see you too eddie. i yam busier than a two tailed tomcat in a room full of rockin chairs....
so am infrequent visitor to SR - but lots of good here. always feel better after i drop in

hugs
mackat