Luckyv2

I am just so happy right now I have found some relief. I posted in my roller coaster post that I had a fourth step part of it anyway. Only 18 years of my life in it and felt so ashamed of my past. My older sister God bless her sould has 4 years of sobriety, yet has never been to an AA meeting or Na in her life. She comes over once a week on saturdays to visit me, there we share with each other. I E-Mailed my fourth to my on-line sponser but I told my sister some things that I have never told anyone. I never mentioned any names that is not important what is important is how it effects me. She felt bad because she was my babysitter back then and she thought that she could have stopped what had happened. Which we know we are not that powerful, so It was really cool to let this out and I thank God for all of you. I have tears flowing out of me right now as I am typing this and that is ok. Because I know that I don't have to get high. I can feel whatever I have to feel and that is Ok. I am so happy right now, you guys and gals have helped me to save my you know what and that is so cool. Tomarrow is my 60 days again and I know today that I am going to make it. So for whoever is out there and never done a really good fourth and fifth do it there is so much freedom. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU YOU ARE SO SPECIAL

KelKel

(((Lucky)))

This is exactly why i have grown so very fond of NA/AA.

BikerBill8

Hi, So glad to hear that you are doing well and congrat's on your 60 days. Keep doing what your doing.

namommy

Hey Lucky,

Congrats on 59 days, I don't want to jinx you.

The steps are our solution. Our predicessors have proven it. Keep working on you. and Keep posting here.

Luckyv2

I have made it everyone, a run in the mill junkie like me has made sixty days, YES. I know that it wasn't me that did it, it had to be my Higher Power whatever that is, cause I know that without his or her help and without you people, no absolutely no way could I have made it. It hasn't been easy reallly at all, but I have stuck to the fight and just did it. Took alot of suggestions from here that I really didn't want to do. Took suggestion from my sponsers which I didn't want to do at alllll. But I have found some relief so for that I am grateful. Feeling great today, kindaa cloudy here but like they say if ya don''t like the weather here stick around it will change. So have a goooood one, I am I am going to write some more on my fourth. Now my banana is gone...what do I use now......

Phinneas

Yup, yup. That's the willing part. When I surrendered, and I mean I surrendered everything, I was open and willing enough to take suggestions. I'm so grateful that I didn't have to reinvent the wheel on this one. The suggestions are there for a reason - because they work! Keep trudging, my friend.

Awesome on your 60 days!!

huigs,

phinny

Luckyv2

Can anyone out there help me find my bannana or what ever he is called I have lost him and can not seem to locate him. He is very special to me here at SR. Ok it is like polvoting over mouse terds but if you don't clean them up they will turn into a pyramid. lol

godsonmyside

namommy

Congrats on 60 days!! Woo Hoo!!

Luckyv2

Oh I am so happy, I just logged on and went through my thread and decided to post a reply and I found my friend, the bananna man. I am so happy now that just made my day. I wasn't having a good day but that really made me happy. I am so excited now, that is so wonderful. I had a really bad night last night, very scarry, almost gave up. But I didn't do anything that I would have ended up reqreating today except I got made at my sponsor and hung up on him, of course I had to do a step 10 this morning and appoligize for my behavior. I cried as I told him that my behavior was inappropriate. I have to learn that sometime I just need to keep my big mouth shut. That was also in my morning reading today I think it was either in Day by Day or One Day at a Time I am not sure but Reallly I need to do more listening than talking because I don't have the answers. Started reading my NA & AA books again, been procratinating on doing that. Anyway grateful to be alive and I am still clean and sober, I guess that is the main thing. My bananna buddy is back yeah

Paulie

I love the title of this thread.

Congrats to you...keep up the great work.

namommy

I tell my sponsees that it's Ok to tell me to go F- myself and hang up on me just as long as you call me back the next day and we talk about the issue. Sometimes, they do just that. lol

Hang in there, keep working the steps, you are doing great.

Luckyv2

Ok here we go on the 4th step and is it ever fun. I am having a blast because I sent some of the first of the action to my sponsor and shared some of it with my sister and now I am writing it down and it is great. Don't get me wrong, I am not proud of what I have done or the things that I have said but I know now the relief from doing it and that is why I am working really hard at it and putting a lot of time into it right now. God has giving me another rainy day so I can stay in and do some more of my 4th step. Now I am very happy to be doing this because I know that if I don't I won't be able to stay sober if I don't follow the directions. Our books are our road map to recovery and today I am recovering. I am just a run in the mill junkie staying clean and sober one day at a time.

Paulie

This is so awesome the way you are sharing this experience with us. I hope you understand how many people you are helping everytime you post.

One of the many things that I have learned in recovery is to do exactly what you do, own up to and apologize for mistakes. Also every now and then I am able to actually think before I act or speak, you know no act out on the emotion of telling someone to F -off that is huge for me because I was a #1 drama queen. It all comes with time and as an old sponsor of mine used to tell me all the time...practice makes better.

You are doing great. When the 4th gets overwhelming....just think about the release you are gonna feel doing your 5th, it is all worth it.

namommy

Lucky,

Thank you, you are so awesome sharing this with us.

I have been at a stand still with my steps. I had started a 4th step again, but I have been in the process of looking for a new sponsor. Around here when you change sponsors, you get put back to step 1 so I didn't want to get to far in. I have found someone that I am going to ask to sponsor me (finally), but we have been playing phone tag for 2 days.

Keep working those steps, it just gets better.

Luckyv2

Ok maybe I was getting a little high strung about this fourth step. It is really and emothional thing. I have really put a lot of time in it, I emailed some more to my online sponsor and I don't think that she got it. Well that is just the way that it was suppose to be. Now I could look at it as I have to do all of this again, or I can look at it as a God send that maybe that was not done to the best of my ability or it is just the way it is. Well I am going to work on it some more today, because I know that I am going to recover from this. I have put a lot of time in it and I am not giving up. Here is something special that I want to share.

Luckyv2

Just check it out that tells the whole story about what it is suppose to be like

Luckyv2

Ok the steps are there for a reason, and today I am not sure what the reason is except to live them. I have been doing a lot of my fourth and I am not even half way threw. I don't know if I will ever get completely done. As we go threw them we come to realize that we did live double lives, we would put on a show. Of course that would just depend on who we were trying to impress. Today I try not to put on a show, I just try to be very real and that is a big enough chore. Well I just wanted everyone to know that truely these steps are just as the principals. I am loving this program even though somedays are hard. I just don't pick up, or drink. Of course I could choose to cover feeling up other ways, food, shopping, and even sex(well I don't have to worry about that today LOL). Thank God that atleast with this process I am learning to live clean. There is a God and I am not him, thank God!

Luckyv2

Well here we go again, I woke up and every morning when I do wake up and do my morning reading, and ect I actully am working steps One Two and Three. The fourth step is really a long process this time. When I first got in this program in 2002 for all the wrong reasons I did a fourth step and only had maybe 30 things on it if that. Half measures well today I am finding out that it is not even 1/16 measures that I did. I have really been working hard on the step this time and have been going through a lot of pain from the past. I know that I have to keep on going on this in order to be able to recover but it is really hard to take an honest look at yourself. I have not worked on my fourth for about 5 days or so have had computer problems but today I am going to sit here and get some of it done. I am up to about age 20 now and that is the time that I started to use drugs, so this is going to be really hard and confussing. I need to work on it but I also need to make sure that I do a really good one so today it is not a race. Well thanks for allowing me to be a part of you.