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I just had 2 weird meetings and need to vent

Old 05-06-2005, 03:48 AM
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I just had 2 weird meetings and need to vent

I have to get this off my chest. Or better yet, out of my head.
Here is how my last 2 meetings went.

1 meeting was heavily clouded by strong personal opinions of certain NA fellows. It was the 4th of may and that is when we commemorate the victims of WW2 here in Holland. The whole country has 2 minutes silence at 8 PM. BUT...our meeting ends at 8 PM.
So...a big discussion took place on how we should go about that. Some didn't want to do anything because it's an outside issue and some wanted to have 2 minutes of silence.
Anyhow, we had a group consiousness (sp?) and voted for 2 minutes of silence at 8 PM but before that just about everyone got up and left....this was very confusing to me.
I didn't voice my opinion, eventhough I have one ofcourse, but I was (and still am a bit) surprised how my fellow addicts made such a big deal out of something so straight forward.
What's the big deal of having 2 minutes of silence at the end of a meeting?
Outside issue? I don't understand....

The 2nd meeting (yesterday) was a 11th step/meditation meeting.
The chairperson of that meeting who also leads the meditation didn't show up the previous week and was unreachable for everyone for more then a week.
He also didn't attend his treasury position at another meeting. Nobody had a clue where he was or why he didn't call or anything.
Lots of people called him, left a message, but didn't hear from him.
A lot of old-timers had concerns for him that he might be relapsing.
He apparently chaired another meeting some time ago, relapsed, and denied it while still continuing to chair. After he was confronted by several people he came clean and admitted it apparently.

Yesterday he suddenly walked in to the 11th step/meditation meeting and to be honest, he looked like sh*t...
He said he was sick for a week, his phones were broken (both homeline and mobile), his girlfriend just ended the relationship but everything else was OK.
I talked about this with my sponsor and he thinks the guy relapsed (that's ok, it happens, hell, I did it 4 times) but is in denial again.
I feel confused again.... it suddenly became clear to me that my personal recovery is depended on NA unity. But should I let my suspisions - and that of lots of other people - influence me?
I mean...he talked about spiritual things related to recovery, honesty and more. But how can I believe him if I recognice typical addict behaviour in him.
Behaviour all too familiar to myself I may add...

Bottom line, I'm a bit confused about all this. My sponsor adives me to let go...but I find that hard. I even dreamed about it.
Any suggestions are more then welcome.

Thanks.
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Old 05-06-2005, 04:50 AM
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As far as the moment of silence thing, It is an outside issue. There may be some people who, for whatever reason, don't agree with or want to do it. That is not our concern. Our job is just to carry the message of recovery, not of the government where we live. People come to NA to learn how to stay clean on a just for today basis. That's all.

As far as that man possibly relapsing. Don't be so quick to judge. I went through a 3 year period where I was very sick physically and mentally, I had a nervous break down. I only came to meetings once in a while, I turned my phone off, looking at pictures from back then, I really looked like SH*T! Some people thought I was using, but I wasn't.

That issue is between him, his sponsor, and his Higher Power. No one else has the right to judge him on his appearance or his behavior. We are all addicts, and we all have equal right to having a bad day. IF he did relapse, he will get honest about it in his own time.
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Old 05-06-2005, 06:28 AM
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Originally Posted by namommy
As far as the moment of silence thing, It is an outside issue. There may be some people who, for whatever reason, don't agree with or want to do it. That is not our concern. Our job is just to carry the message of recovery, not of the government where we live. People come to NA to learn how to stay clean on a just for today basis. That's all.

As far as that man possibly relapsing. Don't be so quick to judge. I went through a 3 year period where I was very sick physically and mentally, I had a nervous break down. I only came to meetings once in a while, I turned my phone off, looking at pictures from back then, I really looked like SH*T! Some people thought I was using, but I wasn't.

That issue is between him, his sponsor, and his Higher Power. No one else has the right to judge him on his appearance or his behavior. We are all addicts, and we all have equal right to having a bad day. IF he did relapse, he will get honest about it in his own time.
I agree totally with NAMommy....the guy who "may" have relapsed...you don't know for sure, it is NOT your problem....he will come clean when he is ready, if he relapsed. As far as the silence thing, it is a matter of personal choice. I would have wanted it for the simple fact that the Holocaust was a terrible tradgedy that NEVER should have happened. Your sponser is right...let it go, move on, stay clean and sober.....I find in my own recovery, at times, I tend to ANALYZE everything...I want answers NOW.....I don't always get them and have learned what I NEED to really know will come when it is supposed to....Kahlia....PEACE OUT
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Old 05-06-2005, 06:38 AM
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i9 agree w/ mommy bout the 2 minutes- Obviously lots of addicts have strong opinions on lots of outside issues: politics, sports, religion etc. the early founders realized that those issues could overwhelm any group , let alone drunks n junkies. that why they stressed the purity of message. keeps us INCLUSIVE not exclusiv e.

as far as your 2nd meeting. Again this hearkens back to the traditions. If i pin my recovery on any other person, i am pinning my recovery on another addict who is just as liable to melt down as i am. Hence: "principles before personalities"

i ran into this in my rehab- was a valuable lesson in how easy it is to attach to powerful/ego folk and then have them prove themselves all to human. Saw a lot of people go back out over that one.....
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Old 05-06-2005, 08:05 AM
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Thanks a lot for your reactions folks. I was having trouble letting go of these two things but the bottom line for me that it's best for me to let go any way I can.
I guess I needed to hear that some more, thanks I'm very good at klinging on to confusing thoughts...and that's my issue to work on.

And NAmommy, what you said is helping me in particular. The issue is between him, his sponsor and his Higher Power. I was making it *my* issue.

I'm trying to let go as best I can and follow my own program.
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Old 05-06-2005, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Nickaddict
I'm trying to let go as best I can and follow my own program.

That's all any of can do on any given day.
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Old 05-07-2005, 12:17 AM
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I tended to have a lot of confusion and kept confusing what Narcotics Anonymous was..

"NA is a fellowship of men and women for whm drugs had become a major problem"

"Our program is a set of principles written so simply that we can follow them in our daily lives.. The most important thing about them is that they work!"

getting the fellowship confused with the program nearly killed me.

Men and women are people and they will always fail to live up to my expectaions. And it was important to remember that these were men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem.

Easier to concentrate on how I can apply those spiritual principles in my daily life to save my own bacon, once I remembered that I couln't count on the fellowship to be my perfect salvation.
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Old 05-08-2005, 01:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Gooch
I tended to have a lot of confusion and kept confusing what Narcotics Anonymous was..

"NA is a fellowship of men and women for whm drugs had become a major problem"

"Our program is a set of principles written so simply that we can follow them in our daily lives.. The most important thing about them is that they work!"

getting the fellowship confused with the program nearly killed me.

Men and women are people and they will always fail to live up to my expectaions. And it was important to remember that these were men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem.

Easier to concentrate on how I can apply those spiritual principles in my daily life to save my own bacon, once I remembered that I couln't count on the fellowship to be my perfect salvation.
Wow...that's amazing...you just summed up exactly my confusion.
Thank you SO much for sharing this Gooch! This is what I have been doing for the last couple of days - expecting things from the people in the fellowship and not working the program in my *own* life.
I was getting p***ed off by certain people because I expected things from them.
Again, thank you Gooch, this helps me tremendously to let go of these things and focus on my own program :hugehug
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