eddie z.

Hey, everybody! Sorry it's been awhile. I'm looking for feedback on how to make some of my amends, particularly to people I worked for or worked with. I know we have some other healthcare folks out there who can help me.

As some of you know, I "diverted" (i.e., stole) alot of what I used from places I worked. I also used at work. I was definitely one of those who was living a double life. I feel so bad about the way I deceived my co-workers. But how to make amends? Do I owe financial amends or can you really only do that with individuals?

I also conned a physician for prescriptions for about 3 & 1/2 years. I feel I owe him amends, too, though I don't think I should go back to him as my doctor because it would be too easy to manipulate him again.

Thanks in advance for any input!
Love and hugs,
Eddie Z.

Dawn10

Hi Eddie,
I too diverted and still feel much guilt and remorse over all that happened, though my co-workers never had a clue until I was fired. I used them in ways I can't believe. I was so expert in manipulation.
I too have struggled with the ammends making in this venue. I discussed with my therapist this very topic and she suggested I rely on my Higher Power for guidance. I have come to the conclusion that first and foremost forgiveness of myself in the most important part of this step. Then, as I am able to do, I have asked for forgiveness from those in my past I am in contact with. I have had some respond with " of course you are forgiven" and others I have had no response. I did specifically call my old boss and she was wonderful. She was wonderful when she had to fire me, as we had worked together for over 10 years at that time. She cried with me. She helped me so much that I know that ammends was my first one, before I even officially started on the steps, but I still had to do it. Since I am out of the location where all the diversion took place, I can only do this by email or snail mail. I am in no rush. My co-workers who cared about me as a friend have long forgotten the misdeeds I have comitted and I take that as forgiveness, just as God forgets our sins once we confess them.
This is what has been working for me.
Dawn :sunani

namommy

Yeah, been there, done that.

My sponsor went through my 9th step process with me, and we discussed how I was to make each of my amends. In this situation, she suggested that I make indirect amends. You see, sometimes when someone doesn't know that we have caused them harm, the amends process actually can create harm. (I don't know if I explained that right to make sense.)

Anyway, I was told to pray to be able to forgive myself.
As far as the financial part, when I can, put an extra dollar in the basket, put money in the salvation army bucket when I see it, or just buy a new comer a cup of coffee that they can't afford.
And, the most important part of the amends process, don't do it again. Don't repeat that behavior now or in the future.

splendra

Well....I can see how indirect amends can seem better but, I am wondering if a direct amends in the form of a letter informing said doctor of their vulnerablity or denial or even bad business practice of not keeping better tabs on their inventory... I mean really if they did not notice you maybe they are not noticing others as well. Of course maybe you could word it more delicatly and perhaps even remain aynominous(sp?) and still put an extra dollar in the plate...

Demplee

I to am in the healthcare industry, and stole numerous drugs from work and patients. I am currently on a peer assistance program in Texas, TPAPN. I am almost done with this, and plan on being an advocate to other nurses who are new to recovery. I feel this is a way that I can make ammneds to my profession and my employer.

best

A very wise man told me this...
When we can't amend backwards, amend forwards. Be the best employee at the job you now have. They trust you, show them that they can continue to trust you. Pay forward.

eddie z.

You all are the best! Thank you so much, Dawn, Laurie, splendra, Demplee, and Best!
It is so good to hear from old friends (Dawn, Laurie, splendra, & Best) and to meet new ones (Demplee). I truly appreciate the feedback.

I have not worked in healthcare in almost 2 & 1/2 years and presently am not working at all, BUT I may get a hearing on my license this month! Yea! I am also looking at jobs in the substance abuse counseling field and am going to take that written exam in June. That's probably a good way to make indirect amends too, huh?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

P.S. splendra, my doctor really needs an education when it comes to addiction. He has other patients who exploit him, too. But how to let him know this without being insulting, you know? I can't just tell him he's been a rube. Any more thoughts?

splendra

((((Eddie))))

I meant to say I have missed you too!!!!! Good to see ya around !!!

I would write a letter that goes something like this.....

Dear Dr.X,

I am a former employee of yours I do not wish to reveal my name to you at this time as I am an addict in recovery working the 12 steps of recovery from drugs. I do wish to make you aware that while in your employ I was able to steal drugs from you and cover it up or so it seems to me....I want to make amends as I am working the 9th step right now which deals with making amends. Right now this is the way I feel is best for me and you.

I want to encourage you to be more aware of the sublties of drug addiction and how even trusted employees and long standing patients could be using you as a source for drugs that are addictive.

sincerely,
Xemployee

I beleive that Drs. need to made aware that they are enabling addicts and that they are a major source of getting drugs...I believe this letter could be sent to every doctor in the phne book!!! but, don't forget about the collection plate...

namommy

Hey Splendra,
That's a cool idea, I like that!

Dawn10

Splendra,
What a great response. I wasn't sure if Eddie worked for the doctor, was a patient of the doctor or both.
If it is your primary care physician, I would most definately change doctors and be up front at the first visit about my addiction. I had to do that since I moved, but I would have done it anyway if I hadn't. And, I did have to find a doctor I felt comfortable sharing it with. The first doctor I saw in my new location rushed me so, I never had the chance to share my addiciton with her. I decided, ( after my head stopped spinning) that if she was in such a hurry to get me out of there, I probably could manipulate her for pills. I found a second one who is so wonderful, she sat down, looked me in the eye and we had a 45 minute visit/exam. She understood, flagged my chart with my history and the only time I ever needed anything for pain, she perscribed an non-narcotic anti-inflammatory med that worked wondefully. She took the time to make sure I knew this wasn't the only non-narcotic option.
It would be wonderful if more doctors were like her!
Dawn

Gooch

yep.. great idea Splendra.. Not only does it allow ammends to be made to the employer, but indirect future ammends to other addicts who might be employed there.

Recoveree

Ed

Splenda's letter is good, but I think it would be better written if it was not anonymous.

I would caution against indirect amends unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. The words "direct amends" in the 9th step are included for a reason.

In my mind, "indirect amends" is a euphimism for

(pick one or more)

half measure
scared
dishonest
embarassed
unwilling
easy way out
escape from reality

Some of the musts in 'It Works How and Why' that seem to apply to your 9th step work.........

However, we can learn to be honest, and we must begin to try.

To get started on this Journey, we must become willing to surrender to this program and its principles, for our future hinges on our willingness to grow spiritually.

This takes humility, for we must let go of our fears about how we may appear to others.

Our years of living a lie must end.

Our commitment to recovery includes becoming ready to go as far as we must.

And some musts from the 9th Step specifically:

Now we must do everything we can to repair the harm we’ve caused.

We must be willing to follow through, regardless of the potential outcome.

We must be courageous when we work this step.

But whether they are willing to accept us or not, we must go on with making our amends to them.

We must let go of any expectations we have on how our amends will turn out and leave the results to the God of our understanding.

While our sponsor will provide us with guidance, we must apply the principles of the program for ourselves and arrive at our own decision. In the end, we are the ones who must live with our own conscience.

Richie

Live

Except when to do so is harmful and or damaging. This must be tempered with compassion and we must weight that we are not merely relieving our guilt and burdening another with it. That isn't amends.

best

Discernment is a big part of amends. Opportunity is another part.
Prayer and guidance from God is a huge part of amends.
God will provide the opportunity and fill you with that little soft voice if you listen.


Should I walk up to a man and say... Hey buddy I need to make amends because the 9th says I should, so I want you to know I slept with your wife but now I am sorry for it.

Some things are better left unsaid and amends should be looked for in other ways

godsonmyside

I need to remember "I am not others", If I need to make an amends directly when possable, indirectly when not possable, either way I make the amends. I did alot of things in the past people didn't know about, alot of the amens I think are amend, turns out to be 1st step issues and really played out in my head.
Most people who love us, they love us and the past is the past, they don't have to live inside my head.
My inturpitation about the direct amends, exept when to do would harm them or others, I don't drag anyone who is going to be effcted into my step work, It's about me getting on track with the Spiritual Path I am enduring.

Eddie, Glad to see you on here, we miss you.

Peace,
Todd J.

Live

Well said Best! Thank you

Recoveree

You don't owe that man an amends, so I dont know why you would even consider saying anything to him. For a decent understanding of the 9th step, you can read about it in It works How and Why.

Recoveree

Obviously in talking about making amends, the step itself states...2 caveats...

" wherever possible"

and , "except when to do so would injure them or others"

I dont think telling an employer, doctor, or otherwise, that you stole from him contradicts either of these

Gooch

amends :

1.) To change for the better; improve:

2.) To remove the faults or errors in; correct.

3.) To alter formally by adding, deleting, or rephrasing


If your not stealing from your new employer you've allready begun the process.


an anoymous letter seems to work fine at following the 2nd definition.


as addicts we allready know the shame of standing in front of people and saying I'm sorry. And I think that sometimes we seek the wrong things going to thoe people we harmed in the past. thats why I really like this part oif what you posted Richie .

godsonmyside

"Exept when to do so would injure them or others"- We can not make amends for other people. But do you keep screwing other peoples wives or do you practice better principles of living?

Todd J.