400Blues

I'm in my 30's have have basically been abusing one substance or another for the past 22 years. For the last 7 it was mainly alcohol (got up to 2 bottles of wine a night during a working week. However I stopped drinking and doing any drugs 1 year ago. Untill Christmas when I ended up buying 200+ 10mg valium tablets as I fealt I was having a nervous breakdown and needed something, but not alcohol, to get high and try and forget.

Now 3.5 months later I'm taking about 40mg a day which doesn't really do much, but I've been combining it with codeine to get a little xtra buzz. When I get my buzz life seems ok and I feel ok. Then when it wears off I get moody and distant and want more codeine (and valium). Over here in the UK we can buy paracetamol(tylenol)500mg+12.5mg codeine or ibufprofen + 12.5mg combo tablets over the counter in chemists. Without any resistance you can get a nice warm buzz off just 3-4 tablets.

The problem is I now feel I'm addicted to both valium and codeine. I'm consuming a mixture of 15-ish tablets of codeine (2/3 ibuprofen combo, 1/3 paracetamol combo - I know paracetamol is v. bad for your liver so I limit these tablets, and take ranatidine to stop my stomach being corroded by ibuprofen). At night I have also been taking 30mg of nitrazepam at night as well for the past 2 weeks to really get off. I'm heading for disaster but I can't seem to stop. I've bumped my car twice so far this year which I never ever do normally - I'm a carefull driver. I look forward to my first hit of the day and secretly carry my stash of pills around with me. I don't want to go out or see anyone. I also take fluoextine for depression. There's no way I can tell my doctor any of this as it'll go on my medical record and my career will be stuffed.
I now have only 20 x 10mg valium tablets left and can't get any more. I've been on them for 3.5 months. I need some help and advise to stop/withdraw. But I also feel compelled to keep taking them..........
But I feel so empty inside when I'm straight.

mackat

Blues-
mackat addict here. I do NA/AA.; my life without drugs is VERY full!

"when we discovered that we could not live with or without drugs, we sought help through NA, rather than prolong our suffering" p11, Basic Text

when i came into the rooms, i found that even though i was convinced that my style of addiction was unigue to me, i could relate to many that i listened to.
found i was not alone.
you need not be either

hugs
mackat

Roxann

Hello Blues. Welcome to SR. I agree. I think you need to get to a meeting. Good luck.

Paulie

You know you are headed for disaster, you said it yourself. Those 'bumps' in the car could injure you or someone else. Or you could get arrested with your stash on you.

If you are dead or in jail that would really stuff your career.

I commend you for coming here and asking for help. I also recommend what has already been said, get to a meeting, get support.

We are not drs here, we cannot give you medical advice on detoxing. We can only suggest that you do speak with a dr and get that medical advice.

You can stop, I am not saying it will be easy, but you can. The people here responding to your post, we have stopped and we are no different than you the only differnce maybe the drugs we used. It can be done.

Please stick around, read and keep posting, you will find a great deal of support and friendship here.

Blue2085

I'm Also A Hydrocodone Addict.this Is My 2nd Day Without And It Really Hurts.i Also Am 32 Years Old And Have Traded One Drug For Another All My Life. Maybe We Can Help Each Other?

Miss Blue
Detroit Rocker Chick!

400Blues

Yep - sounds good. Although I haven't come off it yet.
My head's a shed and I take stuff to ease the mental torture I put myself through. To make things worse I'm gonna get banned from driving now due to speeding. Everything happens at once.
It's been a few days since your post - how are you feeling? Are you still in pain?
I'm with you, albeit across the atlantic in the UK!
Take care.

Gooch

addict named Gooch here. I was a garbage head while I was using "recreationally" (turned out to become a full time job to get and use and find ways and means to get more)

Previously to April 19th and a hernia surgery I have 14 + years of abstinance through working the NA program.

( I've had previous accidents and surgeries where they gave me pain medication and each time stayed close to the principles of the program, and used the medication as prescribed.) THey've given me shots of morphine in the hospital, tylenol and codeine to come home with. and even percocet and vicodin.

I had never had any previous experience with Hydrocodone until this last surgery but they gave me a prescription for a 5 day supply. ( 1 every 4 hrs) by day 3 I was trying to make it a little fuirther than 4 hrs and by day 7 Sunday I was down to the point I took one pill all day. There are still about 5 left in the bottle and I didn't take any Monday, or tuesday or so far today. I am going to see my doctor tomorrow and I will probably dump the rest after my visit if he agrees that I am over the worst of the post op pain.

Just wanted to let you know that we can get over this crap that takes control of our lives. And just like you guys, I have to go through the mental and physical withdrawls every time I use drugs. If it wasn't for the other recovering addicts I stay connected with, I dunno how I would cope. Last night I was feeling so depressed and worthless, that I went to bed about 10 pm and slept almost 12 hrs. This morning I woke up and theres still a little monkee crawling around but I don't feel so hopeless that he won't tire of fricking with me and will eventually go back to behaving under house arrest.

Theres a lot more to life than we can get to while we're busy feeding addiction.

Hope you find your freedom.

Tiredyethere

I am new here but I sound like you, except I cant go to the local corner and buy what I what from the store but I can get whatever I want, whenever its just a matter of where to look. I too have traded one for the other all my life. I had 13 years of clean before I had CT surgery. I stayed on the Vicoden because it made my life bearable. Not that there is anything wrong with my life. I have a loving husband, two great children, own a home...its all the old stuff that is creeping up on me., that is killing me. I do have GAD and panic attacks so by god I take those exactly as prescribed by doctor....heck my brain is messed up enough after a 3 year stint in HOllywoood in my 20's that I am amazed I can write complete sentances.
I wish had some more supoort from you other that this, if you have been on a benzo for as long as you say then you NEED medical help. Benzo like ALcohol can cause severe withdrawl symtoms that can lead to death. Before an AA's jump on me (, just understand my cousin who was an alcoholic tried to do it by hinself without detox and died in two days)
I don't know if there is a way for you to talk to your dr or a local clinic about a detox from benzo, they will put you on a strict regimen, you might have to go every day until you have taper. God only knows that we addicts have NO idea what taper is=) . Least for me
One is good 4 must be better right?

Seriously,
If you ever need to talk I am here. Yes knew but I need help and knew where to turn, This place saved my life once before and I know it will again. I am like a cat who has run out of lives . Please Please keep coming back and posting, if anything it make you feel better.

Tired

Kahlia

Miss BLue...I am very glad that this your 2nd day without...YEAH...make it 3 and then 4 and so on. I think that you need to get to a meeting too. I know as an addict in recovery that I had to bottom out before I hit the doors of NA. I am proud of you....and the fact that you want to help another perosn....that is soooo cool.....kahlia

Blue2085

kaylia,
i've been clean for 10 days now, going to f2f meetings, online meetings a have a sponsor. no lies it has been so hard, but i've been hanging in there. and as far as helping others, i will always give it my all.

thanks for your support

xoxo
Miss Blue

angelgirl

Hi Blue, this is not easy, as we all know. But it can be done, if we really want it. I am learning, have a long way to go...... CONGRATS!!!!!!!! ON 10 DAYS!!!! GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!! Keep doing what you're doing. Luv, Becky