Laurie 4

I joined a program for chemical dependency. I have not used anything for about 15 days now. My withdrawals are going away, the only thing is that my blood pressure has been high.

I have a question though. I don't feel like a fit into this program and now I am "mandated" means, it is not optional or anoynamous anymore. This is scary. I have to go there daily for 6 months. They test frequently and if there are any drugs in my system they can call the CFS to check on my children. Did I join the wrong type of group? Please let me know.

In memory of miracle

Congradulations on your 15 days ! Thats great.I dont know what you mean by mandated.Did you join the program on a volunteer basis? Whatever it is , it cant hurt.Have you tried NA as well ? I know the prospect of being clean for 6 months must seem overwhelming right now.Remember one day at a time.
Best of luck to you !

namommy

Congrats on 15 days.

It sounds more like a court mandated after care program. I went to one before, and I also went to NA meetings. I figured eventually, I would be discharged from the program and would still need support. I still go to NA meetings.

As far as fitting in, you will feel like an outsider only as long as you allow yourself to. Get your hand up and let people get to know you and try to get to know them.

bella

This is scary. I have to go there daily for 6 months. They test frequently and if there are any drugs in my system they can call the CFS to check on my children. Did I join the wrong type of group? Please let me know.[/QUOTE]

i know right now it is hard to see but the frequent drug testing might be good for you right now. hopefully eventually you will find more reasons yourself for staying clean but for right now whatever keeps you clean has to be a good thing. whether it was the "wrong" type of group or not, you have to give it a chance. you are already in there so you might as well work it. i know it is scary but apparently it's necessary. please just hang in there. you will find it's all worth it.

Recoveree

I too felt scared when I entered a drug program.....I was mandated by the court.

Being in the drug program wasn't half as scarey as thinking I had to live a life of misery, addicted to drugs.

I took full advantage of being there. Like NA Mommy, I use NA to keep me fom returning to a miserable life of desperation and degradation.

Kahlia

I entered a rehab on my own but still felt as though I was being told what to do...IMAGINE???? I needed someone to tell me something cause I didn't know what I was doing.....Keep going to NA and TALK...it is the BEST therapy-you will be shocked at what some people will actually understand.....I thought I was the only one that was out there.....hmmmmm Blessings......Kahlia

losttofreedom

15 days is a big deal. One day for an addict s a big deal. Congratulations!


Of course you don't feel like you fit in the program, it is change. There is only one thing you have to change in recovery: EVERYTHING! I use discomfort as a way to tell if I am doing what I need to be doing in my recovery. If I get comfortable I start slipping back into old behaviors and beliefs and before I know it I will pick up again.
Do the six months. That really isn't very long. If you decide to go out and get your ass kicked by drugs and alcohol a little more after that then that's your choice. But give it a fair chance. I am just finishing a six-month court-ordered outpatient program and I can't belive how quickly it has gone by.
Having CPS/CFS/CWS involved in your life is the last thing you want. I had my son removed from me for 8 months and I wanted to die. It was even harder on my son. Six months is a small price to pay for what you could get out of the program if you choose to take it.
I really wish you the best.

It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.

Time2Surrender

Congrats on 15 days.Maybe the drug testing is a good thing.Nothing is worth losing your kids.Dont use,no matter what.Try NA meetings too.6 months is gonna go by before you know it.Recovery is a life long journey.

mackat

after many months of recovery, i came to see that consequences are what happens in the 'real' world. And, unbelievably [for me] i came to see that the 'system' was actually working FOR me.

i went on a search and rescue exercise and met the deputy who used to have to call me out, deliver restraining orders etc....i was able to thank him. ..now i find him doing radar set up and i pull oover just to BS...
very strange very strange

congrats on your clean time. our gifts come in strange packages
hugs
mackat

WNY Addict

This program sounds like something mandated for the sake of your children. Something to do with child protective services, maybe?

NA is a completely optional fellowship. Nobody has to be a member of NA unless they want to. All that's required is a desire to stop using. If you are mandated by another program and you really desire sobriety, try Narcotics Anonymous as well.

Laurie 4

Hi,

Sorry couldn't reply, been very busy. What I meant by "mandated", was that I joined this program on a volunteer basis, but, since I admitted using during pregnancy and giving birth to a 1 lb baby due to prematurity, I am now "obligated" to continue this program, otherwise they can make a phone call. Do you understand now? I really wanted to join a group that was more anynomous. Anyway I still haven't used since my horrible withdrawal. Its been 21 days now. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Laurie

Paulie

Laurie -

WOHOO you are doing a great job. Try and stop worrying about the annonymous part of all of this. Just stay in the moment, stay in today and don't use for today.

I am glad you admited using during your pregnancy, you may not know it yet, but I am sure that was a huge weight lifted off of your spirit.

And like NAmommy said, you dont' fit in because you are only looking at the differences, not the similarities. Try and remember that everyone there is there for the same reason as you, to stay clean just one more day.

And meetings and a sponsor along with your program would be great, in my opinion .