delite79

so i finally broke it off with my abf... i want him to get help and stop using drugs... i put up with the cocaine for a few years... now hes poppin valium, xanax, vicodin... the booze n cocaine was bad enough...now im picking him off the floor and checkin his vitals so i knew hes still alive... so i told him to stop, or i would leave... it wasnt an easy decision at all... we always talked abotu marriage, starting a family.. etc... and right now he is furious and he hates me for leaving... but i still want him to get help...

he wants me to drop his keys off in his mailbox... and i know tension is extremely high right now... and i know the decision to stop using drugs and get better is his own... but... my question is... do you think it woudl be helpful at all if i drop some AA or NA pamphlets in his mailbox with the keys as well... do u think he would see it as condescending? do u think he would just throw it out? should i make his family aware of what he is doing to himself?

Kahlia

I am happy that you have decided to help yourself...it seeems as though he is in the midst of a binge.....dropping AA or NA material never killed anyone...what's the harm. What he chooses to do with it is his business. He may view it as an attempt to "help" him and get together. Some addicts, like me....if someone tried to help me, I saw it as their way of getting my attention but then I manipulated them if I could.....that's just who I was. As far as telling his family, that is not your job....they will find out soon enough. There is a thing called "intervention' where a group of people get together and confront the person....it worked for my addictition....I went into treatment. Each person tells the user what they are doing and what they see and at times the person will listen. I fought tooth and nail and said i did NOT have a problem.....right. I wish you the best...take some of this very valuable time and work on you. Sit down and make a list of the things that make you happy and sad. See if HE is on the list...he will be on the sad side. You can be sad about anything but losing someone you love or are helping take care of is hard....I wish you the best.....Kahlia....also look up "co-dependacy".....we love that word....

Paulie

Have your thought about meetings for yourself? Might be a good idea.

As for your bf you already know he will get help only when he admits he has a problem. I agree that putting some infor with the keys won't hurt. He may toss them, he may use them, no one knows the answer to that. I also agree it is not your job to tell his family. When I was confronted by my family it pused me farther away. No one could tell me I had a problem, I KNEW everyone else had the problem, not me , funny when you think about it I was the one living in my car.

If you believe in a higher power, pray for your bf that is the best you can do and take care of yourself.

Time2Surrender

Its sad what addiction does to people and almost comical how the addict can be so blind to be the last one to see their life has become unmanageable.

delite79

i have gone to NarAnon meetings and they have been great... i found this forum back in july of 2004 when things got really bad for the first time... thats when i realized i was a codie and that i would have to start helping myself... so yeah.. i have been taking good care of myself since then... i have become very positive and achieved some really great things... including becoming class president of my nursing school yesterday (im a geek.. sue me)... all the progress ive done with myself was actually what helped me be able to walk away... which i think is so ironic...

but anyways... about his family knowing... his brother has become like my own brother... so weve talked about his problems in the past during the roughest of times... and just so happened that i was at a bar this afternoon where our good friend was tending... and my AxBF's brother happened to come in as well... i already had a few drinks in me, so i ended up telling him anyways... turns out that his family already knew... my A's was never really good at covering it up i guess... but nobody knows what to do... his brother suggested an intervention... but my A is so closed off to begin with... that i feel like it may do more damage than good... for him newayz... i confronted him and now he hates me...