Please Help Me!!!!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My Own Little World
Posts: 102
Please Help Me!!!!!!!!
I don't even know where to begin, but I'm frantic, and I don't know what to do. I need you guys to help me. I have nobody else to turn to.
Laurie, I KNOW you won't repeat any of this. I don't want anyone around here to find out about this.... you KNOW how the gossip is around here about these two & I'm sick of it. Besides, my niece is scared out of her mind that she'll get in trouble if they find out she's behind this, so PLEASE don't say anything. I know you won't, but I wanted to make sure.
Yesterday, my niece wanted me to go shopping with her. I could tell she wanted to talk to me about something. Before I tell you what she wanted to talk to me about, let me give you a little background on her family situation:
Her mom & dad are addicts. So am I. Her parents have been in NA since they were about 15. My sister was using for the last 6 years she was in the program, lying to everyone. They were the kind of people everyone in the program looked up to.... everyone wanted to be friends with them. Well, they both ended up relapsing and quitting the program. My brother in law ended up in a rehab first, and then jail for about a year.... maybe more. He gets EXTREMELY violent when he drinks, and that's mostly what he was doing, along with drugs. The whole time he was in rehab & jail, my sister would have a few drinks when the family would go out to dinner, and I know her & my niece smoked pot together. Also, my niece, who is only 16, is the only one in the family who has had a job for the longest time. She's had one since she was maybe 14.
I forgot to mention that they are all living with my parents. They have another daughter who will be 15 this week, and a baby who will be 2 in July. My parents do EVERYTHING for them. They don't have money, but support them anyway!! My brother in law FINALLY got a job very recently (I think last week), working for HIS brother in law. He also used to be in the program, years ago.
So anyway, when we got in the car, my niece told me that ever since my brother in law got out of jail, him & my sister have been smoking pot NON-STOP. They used to have HER get it for them, but she said she doesn't get it for them anymore. They try to get her to smoke it with them. She said she'll take a couple of hits and then leave. I asked her how often they do it, and she said "like every 30 seconds"!! She said they've been doing it ever since he got out. She's really worried about her sister & her baby brother. She wants to tell her grandmom & pop-pop, but she's afraid that they'll think she's betraying them or something. She DID say a part of her wants revenge on them. She can't stand her father. I'm sure deep down she loves him, but he HAS put her through hell. She's also afraid of the repercussions of what will happen if they find out SHE turned them in. She's the only one who knows about this!!
She's also afraid of what will happen to her sister & baby brother. Will her parents move out & take those 2 with them?? She's very worried about them. Plus, my mother is very high strung. She will totally flip. My dad is too laid back, but this will hurt them both so bad. Plus, my dad holds things in, and that worries me.
One thing I don't understand is that my sister said that if her husband smokes pot, it will lead him back to drinking, so she wont tolerate him doing that. What the hell is she thinking?? He already relapsed on that once, right after his court mandated group therapy session.
I told her I'd write to you guys to see what advice I could get from you. What should we do?? She's too afraid to say anything to my parents. I offered to talk to them, and I offered to say something to my sister, but she didn't think that was a good idea. Where do we go from here?? Something needs to be done. I don't want my niece getting in any trouble with her parents. because God only knows what they'll do to her, and I don't want them to take the kids & leave. That would kill me. And my parents.
What do we do???? There HAS to be a solution. Please help us.
Laurie, I KNOW you won't repeat any of this. I don't want anyone around here to find out about this.... you KNOW how the gossip is around here about these two & I'm sick of it. Besides, my niece is scared out of her mind that she'll get in trouble if they find out she's behind this, so PLEASE don't say anything. I know you won't, but I wanted to make sure.
Yesterday, my niece wanted me to go shopping with her. I could tell she wanted to talk to me about something. Before I tell you what she wanted to talk to me about, let me give you a little background on her family situation:
Her mom & dad are addicts. So am I. Her parents have been in NA since they were about 15. My sister was using for the last 6 years she was in the program, lying to everyone. They were the kind of people everyone in the program looked up to.... everyone wanted to be friends with them. Well, they both ended up relapsing and quitting the program. My brother in law ended up in a rehab first, and then jail for about a year.... maybe more. He gets EXTREMELY violent when he drinks, and that's mostly what he was doing, along with drugs. The whole time he was in rehab & jail, my sister would have a few drinks when the family would go out to dinner, and I know her & my niece smoked pot together. Also, my niece, who is only 16, is the only one in the family who has had a job for the longest time. She's had one since she was maybe 14.
I forgot to mention that they are all living with my parents. They have another daughter who will be 15 this week, and a baby who will be 2 in July. My parents do EVERYTHING for them. They don't have money, but support them anyway!! My brother in law FINALLY got a job very recently (I think last week), working for HIS brother in law. He also used to be in the program, years ago.
So anyway, when we got in the car, my niece told me that ever since my brother in law got out of jail, him & my sister have been smoking pot NON-STOP. They used to have HER get it for them, but she said she doesn't get it for them anymore. They try to get her to smoke it with them. She said she'll take a couple of hits and then leave. I asked her how often they do it, and she said "like every 30 seconds"!! She said they've been doing it ever since he got out. She's really worried about her sister & her baby brother. She wants to tell her grandmom & pop-pop, but she's afraid that they'll think she's betraying them or something. She DID say a part of her wants revenge on them. She can't stand her father. I'm sure deep down she loves him, but he HAS put her through hell. She's also afraid of the repercussions of what will happen if they find out SHE turned them in. She's the only one who knows about this!!
She's also afraid of what will happen to her sister & baby brother. Will her parents move out & take those 2 with them?? She's very worried about them. Plus, my mother is very high strung. She will totally flip. My dad is too laid back, but this will hurt them both so bad. Plus, my dad holds things in, and that worries me.
One thing I don't understand is that my sister said that if her husband smokes pot, it will lead him back to drinking, so she wont tolerate him doing that. What the hell is she thinking?? He already relapsed on that once, right after his court mandated group therapy session.
I told her I'd write to you guys to see what advice I could get from you. What should we do?? She's too afraid to say anything to my parents. I offered to talk to them, and I offered to say something to my sister, but she didn't think that was a good idea. Where do we go from here?? Something needs to be done. I don't want my niece getting in any trouble with her parents. because God only knows what they'll do to her, and I don't want them to take the kids & leave. That would kill me. And my parents.
What do we do???? There HAS to be a solution. Please help us.
Greatful Sober Biker
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Cottonwood AZ.
Posts: 521
Hi Brokenspirit, Sooner or later they will get caught and they will end up in jail it is only a matter of time. If it were me i would either tell the parents or called Dyffus, or the police. Rember that there are children involed. Sorry to here such sad news take care. BikerBill8
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My Own Little World
Posts: 102
Thanks Bill. What's Dyffus?? I've never heard of them. I definitely don't want to call the cops, because my brother in law will be thrown back in jail, and since my sister's doing it too, the kids may all be taken away from us. My parents can't raise all 3 of the kids. The girls are old enough to not be a problem, but the baby isn't even 2 years old yet.
As far as telling my parents, my niece is afraid to, because she's afraid they'll think she betrayed them or something, and I think she's afraid of what they'll do to her. And she's even more afraid for her sister & brother. IF I can get her to talk to them, what can be done about this?? The betrayal thing & fear for her siblings, I mean. I can't think of ANY solutions.
I'm really pissed off that they're doing this to her. And after all of the preaching they were giving me about my pills???? But my sister thinks pot's okay.... that you're still in total control of everything you do. I told her that I always thought I was in control too, but she says it's different with pot. But that's how us addicts think. I should try to be understanding, but when it comes to my girls & my baby boy, I just can't be.
Thanks SOOOO much for responding Bill!! I hope others will also respond. I want to see what everybody thinks & hopefully me & my niece can decide what to do soon. I already feel like a failure as an aunt for not knowing how to help her. And I do NOT want to handle this the wrong way. Because if the the kids got taken away (God forbid), it would not only kill me, but my parents too. And the kids!!
As far as telling my parents, my niece is afraid to, because she's afraid they'll think she betrayed them or something, and I think she's afraid of what they'll do to her. And she's even more afraid for her sister & brother. IF I can get her to talk to them, what can be done about this?? The betrayal thing & fear for her siblings, I mean. I can't think of ANY solutions.
I'm really pissed off that they're doing this to her. And after all of the preaching they were giving me about my pills???? But my sister thinks pot's okay.... that you're still in total control of everything you do. I told her that I always thought I was in control too, but she says it's different with pot. But that's how us addicts think. I should try to be understanding, but when it comes to my girls & my baby boy, I just can't be.
Thanks SOOOO much for responding Bill!! I hope others will also respond. I want to see what everybody thinks & hopefully me & my niece can decide what to do soon. I already feel like a failure as an aunt for not knowing how to help her. And I do NOT want to handle this the wrong way. Because if the the kids got taken away (God forbid), it would not only kill me, but my parents too. And the kids!!
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
What is important is the kids well being, that is my opinon. children living with using addicts are not in good situations. Your neice is a child also, you are the adult, you need to do what is best, not what your neice wants you to do.
that is just my opinion.
and one more thing, how are you, are you still using?
that is just my opinion.
and one more thing, how are you, are you still using?
Greatful Sober Biker
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Cottonwood AZ.
Posts: 521
Hi again I hope that you and your neice can work this out. Like i said if her parents keep getting high they will get busted and up in jail. And the state will take the kids. I hope that you find a solution. BikerBill8
Putting it all together
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
I DEFINATELY agree with Bill.....they are going to get caught and end up in jail. The children are the MAIN focal points and have to be taken care of. Do you think they are right now??? Not if their Mom and Dad are using....I know from experience.....Do you know what Co-Dependancy is???? If not, it means "helping someone actively using by NOT doing anything like calling the police to help the children" I wish someone would have called on my parents...I almost did at the age of 8....the children are not benefiting from this situation...think about it......Kahlia
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My Own Little World
Posts: 102
Hey Paulie!!
Thanks for asking, but I'm doing okay. I'm finally clean!! Of course I have to take stomach & migraine pills every day, but they are non-narcotic. I found some muscle relaxers from 1997 a couple of weeks ago. Normally they would have gone right into my mouth, no matter how old they were. I hung on to them, but after writing this post this morning, I threw them out & took the trash out to the dumpster. I'm sure they wouldn't have gotten me high anyway, with there only being 4 left, and them being so OLD, lol.
Anyway, back to the kids. Yes, they are the most important things in this situation. I'd rather tell my parents than call the cops. I know you said that I need to do what's best, not what my niece wants me to do. I agree with this, but she's afraid of what they'll do to her for ratting them out. I'm kind of worried, too. They won't beat her or anything, but they can be pretty nasty to her. And she doesn't deserve it. She's a really good kid.
Hey again Bill, and hi Kahlia!!
I totally understand what you guys are saying. I just found all of this out yesterday, and I think my head's still spinning from it. I'm not really surprised that they're doing this, but I'm REALLY pissed off that they put my niece in the middle of it.
At least my parents are there, and the kids aren't JUST living with their parents. But something still has to be done. This sucks. I don't WANT to have to be the adult here. This will break my parents hearts. I still don't know how to do this. Or when. IF I do it. Should my niece be with me?? Should my sister & BIL?? Or are there any other solutions?? Sorry about being so flaky.... I'm fighting the urge to go into denial mode.
Thanks for asking, but I'm doing okay. I'm finally clean!! Of course I have to take stomach & migraine pills every day, but they are non-narcotic. I found some muscle relaxers from 1997 a couple of weeks ago. Normally they would have gone right into my mouth, no matter how old they were. I hung on to them, but after writing this post this morning, I threw them out & took the trash out to the dumpster. I'm sure they wouldn't have gotten me high anyway, with there only being 4 left, and them being so OLD, lol.
Anyway, back to the kids. Yes, they are the most important things in this situation. I'd rather tell my parents than call the cops. I know you said that I need to do what's best, not what my niece wants me to do. I agree with this, but she's afraid of what they'll do to her for ratting them out. I'm kind of worried, too. They won't beat her or anything, but they can be pretty nasty to her. And she doesn't deserve it. She's a really good kid.
Hey again Bill, and hi Kahlia!!
I totally understand what you guys are saying. I just found all of this out yesterday, and I think my head's still spinning from it. I'm not really surprised that they're doing this, but I'm REALLY pissed off that they put my niece in the middle of it.
At least my parents are there, and the kids aren't JUST living with their parents. But something still has to be done. This sucks. I don't WANT to have to be the adult here. This will break my parents hearts. I still don't know how to do this. Or when. IF I do it. Should my niece be with me?? Should my sister & BIL?? Or are there any other solutions?? Sorry about being so flaky.... I'm fighting the urge to go into denial mode.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Fresno, Ca.
Posts: 19
I wish I had a magic wand to make this world a better place........
but in all reality I don't.
It's always easier to give advice when you are the one "looking in" on someone elses problems. When it comes to family, there is never an easy answer or solution. As mentioned,..... eventually they will get caught, in the mean time there are children involved. The only thing I can think of to say, is to pray to your higher power to help you find the answer.
but in all reality I don't.
It's always easier to give advice when you are the one "looking in" on someone elses problems. When it comes to family, there is never an easy answer or solution. As mentioned,..... eventually they will get caught, in the mean time there are children involved. The only thing I can think of to say, is to pray to your higher power to help you find the answer.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My Own Little World
Posts: 102
Hi Zain!!
I wish you had that wand too!! You know, you hit the nail right on the head about there not being an easy answer or solution when it comes to family. I have such incredibly mixed feelings about the whole thing, and I can see that my niece does, too.
As far as praying, that's the one thing I tried to do last night. I used to pray all the time, right before bed and when I woke up. I've kind of lost touch with doing that, and sometimes it seems like I only pray when I need help, or when I'm scared about something. But I'm hoping my higher power will help me find the answer anyway. I actually asked Him to help me find the answer through you guys.
I really like your post. And it really made it clear why this is so hard. I can't believe I didn't see something that simple, lol.
Well, I need to gett offline for the night. I hope I'll find more answers here tomorrow night when I come home from work. I really appreciate everyone's taking the time to answer & try to help me decide what to do. You guys are the best, and you've always been here when I need you. I can't tell you how much that means to me.
I wish you had that wand too!! You know, you hit the nail right on the head about there not being an easy answer or solution when it comes to family. I have such incredibly mixed feelings about the whole thing, and I can see that my niece does, too.
As far as praying, that's the one thing I tried to do last night. I used to pray all the time, right before bed and when I woke up. I've kind of lost touch with doing that, and sometimes it seems like I only pray when I need help, or when I'm scared about something. But I'm hoping my higher power will help me find the answer anyway. I actually asked Him to help me find the answer through you guys.
I really like your post. And it really made it clear why this is so hard. I can't believe I didn't see something that simple, lol.
Well, I need to gett offline for the night. I hope I'll find more answers here tomorrow night when I come home from work. I really appreciate everyone's taking the time to answer & try to help me decide what to do. You guys are the best, and you've always been here when I need you. I can't tell you how much that means to me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Fresno, Ca.
Posts: 19
BrokenSpirit,
The older we get the more wisdom we learn.
As humans, we are very impatient. We want what we what....and, we want it right now. Did that make sense?? As for myself, when ever I prayed I expected the answer, right then...right now. When things didn't work out the way I thought they should it really upset me. I thought I knew what was best. As I said, impatients...is something we learn. It's not something we are born with.
So hang in there, the answer will come, when the time is right.
The older we get the more wisdom we learn.
As humans, we are very impatient. We want what we what....and, we want it right now. Did that make sense?? As for myself, when ever I prayed I expected the answer, right then...right now. When things didn't work out the way I thought they should it really upset me. I thought I knew what was best. As I said, impatients...is something we learn. It's not something we are born with.
So hang in there, the answer will come, when the time is right.
I can do this!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pretty lost right now
Posts: 45
Have you ever considered taking your neice to either an Al Anon or a Nar Anon meeting? She will get so much support there. They have teen groups as well. The program helps us remember it's not OUR fault the addict uses ( a big one for the kids ), it helps us learn what to do and what not to do so that we aren't enabling the addict in any way. It helps us to learn how to detach from the addiction without detaching from the addict themselves. It's a wonderful program and literally saved my sanity while dealing with my husbands cocaine addiction. Either program will work fine, they're both based around the 12 steps, just as NA and AA are. It doesn't matter so much what substance the addict is abusing, the feelings created in us are the same, wether they're drinking, doing coke or smoking pot. In the program they recommend that we (family and friends of the addict) don't create a catastrophy (? spelling) and also that we don't stand in the way to save the addict from a catastrophy if it's the natural course of events from their actions. If we applied that to your situation...it would add up to not calling the cops or the state or anything like that, but also not covering up for them if the **** hits the fan because of their drug use. It is always a tough call when children are involved. On the outside it appears so cut and dry, but when you fear the consequences of what might happen to the kids it's very scarey. The fact that your parents are there and the children aren't soley in the care of their using parents is reassuring. Have you considered maybe talking to your sister yourself? Sorta one addict to another? It's a tough call, keep praying about it and trust your neices HP to take care of her as well as her families to take care of them. I'm glad you're a part of her life and there for her. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
Truth is the only lasting joy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Trenton, NJ
Posts: 238
In NJ, DYFS is the Division Of Youth and Family Services...
If I may put on my professional hat for a second. I'm not preaching, it's just that my work is such a part of who I am...
ANYTIME a child is in harms way, it must be reported. It's about the safety of the child above ANYTHING else. No ifs, ands, or, buts about it...
Ok, with that said, as a recovering person I understand the complexities of interpersonal/family relationships. This type of thing is never easy. Pray about it and then do the next right thing. Again, I am not judging, just sharing... These kids need help before something terrible happens.
If I may put on my professional hat for a second. I'm not preaching, it's just that my work is such a part of who I am...
ANYTIME a child is in harms way, it must be reported. It's about the safety of the child above ANYTHING else. No ifs, ands, or, buts about it...
Ok, with that said, as a recovering person I understand the complexities of interpersonal/family relationships. This type of thing is never easy. Pray about it and then do the next right thing. Again, I am not judging, just sharing... These kids need help before something terrible happens.
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Spirit -
I am so happy to hear you are clean..woohoo good for you!
Listen I know your neice is scared, but you have to weigh it out, won't she be more scared if she is taken away from her parents.
It is not a good situation no matter how you look at it.
In my opinion, as adults it is our responsilibity to take care of the children.
Ask your HP what you should do.
And great job on getting clean lady!!!
I am so happy to hear you are clean..woohoo good for you!
Listen I know your neice is scared, but you have to weigh it out, won't she be more scared if she is taken away from her parents.
It is not a good situation no matter how you look at it.
In my opinion, as adults it is our responsilibity to take care of the children.
Ask your HP what you should do.
And great job on getting clean lady!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 17
Broken Spirit,
Couldn't answer you this morning, my son is sick with a throat infection. Sounds like your situtation is extremely difficult - extremely so... I am proud of you that you did not start using pills! When times are rough we tend to take the easy route out - isn't that true for us addicts. I am soo scared to involve the police, if I were you, I would tell your parents first or work it out through your family, perhaps threaten to call the police. But that doesn't mean my advice is the right one.
Zain,
I like your name.; as well as your advice.
Couldn't answer you this morning, my son is sick with a throat infection. Sounds like your situtation is extremely difficult - extremely so... I am proud of you that you did not start using pills! When times are rough we tend to take the easy route out - isn't that true for us addicts. I am soo scared to involve the police, if I were you, I would tell your parents first or work it out through your family, perhaps threaten to call the police. But that doesn't mean my advice is the right one.
Zain,
I like your name.; as well as your advice.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Hey Spirit,
I can't post a very long post right now, just wanted you to know I am here for you. I am going to try and call you in a little bit. OK.
Your sister has been around the program long enough that she KNOWS what she needs to do.
If you ask my opinion, she needs to kick that pompous a$$ to the curb, get her butt back into recovery, and start taking care of the kids.
(around here, dyfus is Children and Youth Services)
I can't post a very long post right now, just wanted you to know I am here for you. I am going to try and call you in a little bit. OK.
Your sister has been around the program long enough that she KNOWS what she needs to do.
If you ask my opinion, she needs to kick that pompous a$$ to the curb, get her butt back into recovery, and start taking care of the kids.
(around here, dyfus is Children and Youth Services)
Putting it all together
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
There are many options to this.....YOU are the adult. That is just that simple. I wish I would have been the adult in my crazy family-I was the CHILD.....I got hurt, my brothers got hurt, my sister got hurt. CHILDREN do not have a choice...you do. Pray for your answer and your gut will tell you what to do....I am still hoping that you call the POLICE and get those kids help.....they are in a no win situation. I dealt with children most of my career-they are like little people, they hear and see everything but they cannot have a voice....you are their voice.I am not sure but I think your worry about your family is like mine was....how are they going to react..l.you have NO control over that...they might be grateful that you have stepped up to the plate.....someone has to. Before it is too late.....My whole family ended up doing drugs, alcohol etc.....we did not get out of our situation. MY mother said she did the "best' she could. NOPE...she helped my father.....she let us grow up and watch.....today , I am a watcher.....I know you will do the right thing because you sincerely care.....I have in my profession and have NEVER regretted it........Kahlia
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My Own Little World
Posts: 102
Hey Zain!!
You hit the nail on the head again!! That's one of my main problems.... I'm SOOO impatient!! I want the answer yesterday. I'm like that with everything, but with this, I want it so bad for my niece. She's so laid back, & I hate seeing her worry about this. I KNOW she'll be moving out the day she turns 18. It seems all they do is yell at her about her "attitude", She's such a good kid.... I just don't get it. Anyway, I hope when the answer DOES come, I'll let myself HEAR it. And I hope that answer comes soon. I also pray it doesn't bust up my family. We're a close family. We get together every week & I'd die if I couldn't see the kids anymore. They're the only reason I'm still alive right now.
Hey Kathy!!
I'll mention NarAnon to her, but I seriously doubt she'll go. Between her mom, dad, & me, I don't think she has too good of an outlook on meetings. I wouldn't know how to find one in this area, but I'm sure someone here could help me if she said yes. If she does say yes, I don't know what excuse she'd come up with to get out of the house to get to a meeting. I'd like to see her go, so I'll see what she says. BUT.... she smokes pot herself. I don't think she's an addict (thank God).... time will tell on that one, but she might not want to go because of that too. But here I go again, trying to predict what's going to happen. I REALLY need to knock it off.
I asked my niece if she wanted me to talk to my sister, and she said no. I personally don't think it will do any good. She has more excuses than me, if that's even possible. Plus, I don't want to get my niece in any trouble with her. And my sister can get EXTREMELY nasty. Plus, she's a good liar. And I'm not too good at telling when someone's high, unless it's REALLY obvious.
And don't apologize.... you've been a huge help!! You brought a different point of view to this, and just answering my cry for help lets me know there ARE people here who care & who are willing to help me. That means a lot to me. And I love that you wrote that you're glad I'm a part of her life & that I'm there for her, because like I said before, I feel like a failure. She comes to me for help, and I just freeze up & don't know what to do.
Hey Shakur!!
Thanks!! I've never heard of DYFS before!!
I TOTALLY understand what you're saying about children. Luckily, my BIL got his license taken away & he can't drive. My sister's another story. And I know the car is not the only place they could be in danger.
I'll keep praying, but HOW do I know when the answer is given to me?? I am the type of person who constantly second guesses everything. I even annoy myself when I do that!!!! And I pray that nothing terrible will happen until I make some kind of decision on what to do. I love those kids more than anything & if anything happened to them because of me.... well, my life would be over. if anything happened to them PERIOD (God forbid!!!!).
Hey Paulie!!
Yup, the situation sucks!! If I were to tell anybody, it would be my parents, not the cops. Because if I called the cops, the kids would get taken away, & I will NOT let that happen if I can help it. She doesn't want to be with her parents, but she doesn't want to live with strangers, I'm sure. She'd be okay staying with her grandparents, but what about the other 2?? If I wasn't working full time, and my house wasn't a pure pigsty (I'm NOT exaggerating), I'd take all 3 in a second!!
I'll ask my HP again, but I wish I knew how to hear his answer!!
And thank you for the compliment!! Believe it or not, the only pills I'm craving right now are anti-inflammatories!! What's wrong with me????????
Hey Laurie4!!
Sorry to hear about your son.... I hope he's feeling better!!
You're right about this being extremely difficult. I can't get it off of my mind. I'm VERY surprised that so far I'm not tempted to use. Things have been really bad at work too right now, so I don't know what's gotten into me. This is a first for me, lol!! I guess if I had them around the house, it would be different. I WAS obsessing last weekend about going to get some White Zinfendale (I KNOW I spelled that wrong!!), but that passed, luckily.
I tried to call my niece yesterday, but I haven't spoken to her yet. I usually see her on Saturdays, but her prom is this Saturday. I guess if we do this, it may be Sunday. No police though. I'm too scared too.
Hey Laurie!!
Yeah, she knows what she needs to do, but she convieniently "forgets". And you KNOW that neither one of them will go back to NA. Unless they're forced to. But they'll still get high.... just like she did before. She will NEVER kick him out. After all he's done to her, if she hasn't done it yet, she never will. She claims she will if he starts drinking again, because of the violence, but she's full of it. The scary thing is, he almost had her convinced at one point to move to Florida or Hawaii. But after all that happened, she doesn't really want to go, but part of me is afraid this will push her to go. My head won't shut up!!!!
Hey Kahlia!!
I wish I wasn't the adult.... I don't feel like I am, but I am!! You're right. And I DO sincerely care. I'm just scared. I don't think I'm going to call the police though. If anything, I'll start with my parents. I'll start again with my niece first. I want to know EXACTLY what's going on before I talk to them. But since her prom's coming up this weekend, I don't want to ruin anything for her. I'm probably going to wait till at LEAST Sunday to do anything.
I hope this reply makes some sense. It's been a horrible week & my head hurts. I need to get offline now, but I'll check back either tomorrow or Sunday to see if there are any more replies. Thanks again for all your help. You guys are the best!!
You hit the nail on the head again!! That's one of my main problems.... I'm SOOO impatient!! I want the answer yesterday. I'm like that with everything, but with this, I want it so bad for my niece. She's so laid back, & I hate seeing her worry about this. I KNOW she'll be moving out the day she turns 18. It seems all they do is yell at her about her "attitude", She's such a good kid.... I just don't get it. Anyway, I hope when the answer DOES come, I'll let myself HEAR it. And I hope that answer comes soon. I also pray it doesn't bust up my family. We're a close family. We get together every week & I'd die if I couldn't see the kids anymore. They're the only reason I'm still alive right now.
Hey Kathy!!
I'll mention NarAnon to her, but I seriously doubt she'll go. Between her mom, dad, & me, I don't think she has too good of an outlook on meetings. I wouldn't know how to find one in this area, but I'm sure someone here could help me if she said yes. If she does say yes, I don't know what excuse she'd come up with to get out of the house to get to a meeting. I'd like to see her go, so I'll see what she says. BUT.... she smokes pot herself. I don't think she's an addict (thank God).... time will tell on that one, but she might not want to go because of that too. But here I go again, trying to predict what's going to happen. I REALLY need to knock it off.
I asked my niece if she wanted me to talk to my sister, and she said no. I personally don't think it will do any good. She has more excuses than me, if that's even possible. Plus, I don't want to get my niece in any trouble with her. And my sister can get EXTREMELY nasty. Plus, she's a good liar. And I'm not too good at telling when someone's high, unless it's REALLY obvious.
And don't apologize.... you've been a huge help!! You brought a different point of view to this, and just answering my cry for help lets me know there ARE people here who care & who are willing to help me. That means a lot to me. And I love that you wrote that you're glad I'm a part of her life & that I'm there for her, because like I said before, I feel like a failure. She comes to me for help, and I just freeze up & don't know what to do.
Hey Shakur!!
Thanks!! I've never heard of DYFS before!!
I TOTALLY understand what you're saying about children. Luckily, my BIL got his license taken away & he can't drive. My sister's another story. And I know the car is not the only place they could be in danger.
I'll keep praying, but HOW do I know when the answer is given to me?? I am the type of person who constantly second guesses everything. I even annoy myself when I do that!!!! And I pray that nothing terrible will happen until I make some kind of decision on what to do. I love those kids more than anything & if anything happened to them because of me.... well, my life would be over. if anything happened to them PERIOD (God forbid!!!!).
Hey Paulie!!
Yup, the situation sucks!! If I were to tell anybody, it would be my parents, not the cops. Because if I called the cops, the kids would get taken away, & I will NOT let that happen if I can help it. She doesn't want to be with her parents, but she doesn't want to live with strangers, I'm sure. She'd be okay staying with her grandparents, but what about the other 2?? If I wasn't working full time, and my house wasn't a pure pigsty (I'm NOT exaggerating), I'd take all 3 in a second!!
I'll ask my HP again, but I wish I knew how to hear his answer!!
And thank you for the compliment!! Believe it or not, the only pills I'm craving right now are anti-inflammatories!! What's wrong with me????????
Hey Laurie4!!
Sorry to hear about your son.... I hope he's feeling better!!
You're right about this being extremely difficult. I can't get it off of my mind. I'm VERY surprised that so far I'm not tempted to use. Things have been really bad at work too right now, so I don't know what's gotten into me. This is a first for me, lol!! I guess if I had them around the house, it would be different. I WAS obsessing last weekend about going to get some White Zinfendale (I KNOW I spelled that wrong!!), but that passed, luckily.
I tried to call my niece yesterday, but I haven't spoken to her yet. I usually see her on Saturdays, but her prom is this Saturday. I guess if we do this, it may be Sunday. No police though. I'm too scared too.
Hey Laurie!!
Yeah, she knows what she needs to do, but she convieniently "forgets". And you KNOW that neither one of them will go back to NA. Unless they're forced to. But they'll still get high.... just like she did before. She will NEVER kick him out. After all he's done to her, if she hasn't done it yet, she never will. She claims she will if he starts drinking again, because of the violence, but she's full of it. The scary thing is, he almost had her convinced at one point to move to Florida or Hawaii. But after all that happened, she doesn't really want to go, but part of me is afraid this will push her to go. My head won't shut up!!!!
Hey Kahlia!!
I wish I wasn't the adult.... I don't feel like I am, but I am!! You're right. And I DO sincerely care. I'm just scared. I don't think I'm going to call the police though. If anything, I'll start with my parents. I'll start again with my niece first. I want to know EXACTLY what's going on before I talk to them. But since her prom's coming up this weekend, I don't want to ruin anything for her. I'm probably going to wait till at LEAST Sunday to do anything.
I hope this reply makes some sense. It's been a horrible week & my head hurts. I need to get offline now, but I'll check back either tomorrow or Sunday to see if there are any more replies. Thanks again for all your help. You guys are the best!!
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