Kathy Z

I'm getting very frustrated with myself. I had posted a few days ago, my first post to the group, titled *confused* Anyway...every day I tell myself that TODAY is going to be my first day in recovery. That I won't take any pills and really make this decision. Yet every day I allow myself some excuse to decide tomorrow will be the first day of my recovery. Why am I doing this to myself? Why is it so damn hard to stop taking them?

butterfly2003

I can so relate to your frustration! It is so hard not to give my self some stupid excuse to take a pill, even it is just 1 of something weak that I won't even feel. I am on day 63 without any narcotics and I look back on that vicious cyle I was caught in to remind me exactly how powerless I am over those pills ( they call my name ... All you need to put together is on 24 hour period and I promise you it will get easier. If I am controlling my using I am not enjoying it
If I am enjoying my using I sure as hell am not controlling it...
Just for today I will not pick up a drink or drug.
Good Luck-
I'm new on this site,

Paulie

Welcome to SR, I am glad you are here.

Now read that sentence above that you wrote. I can only share my experience with you.

For me when I realized it was a choice that I was making (cause for years it wasn't a choice...it was just what I did, it was who I was, someone that did drugs everyday to function in life. Then one day for just a milisecond, I had a moment of clarity and realized I was making a choice to use that one day or not, that is when it changed for me.

You are reaching out here for support, that is how we do it, we cannot do it alone.
Have you tried meetings. Again, my experience, that is what works for me, support here at SR and the fellowship of NA, the steps, my sponsor...the whole package.

Make a choice today, hour by hour, not to use for just that hour.

cleanlady

hi, Kathy,

cleanlady

Its so hard, I did the same thing for years, told myself every night, tomorrow would be different, it never was. The addiction is so powerful, but you can stop. Try to get to as many meetings as you can, they really help. I could never stop without detox, but I know a lot of people who kicked on their own and are clean still today. You can do it.

jwill75375

Why is it so hard think! Beause you are making it hard and don't want to stop all you have to do is quit and stop makes excuses to start using all over again that's all

Paulie

Well for me, in the time I have been blessed to be sober, it is not that easy.

I am glad to hear that it comes that easy for you jwill75375.

But for some, like myself, it doesn't . I have a voice in my head that tells me almost everyday to use, it will make things easier, it will help with weight loss, it will help get things done, it will make me feel better, blah blah blah.

But see for me it was not about the drugs, it was about learning tools to be able to tell that voice in my head to shut up. Yes it is a choice, I truly believe that, but it is not always as easy choice to make, not when you are an adict like myself.

It is hard, if it wasn't hard I wouldn't be here supporting others and getting the support I need to make that choice each day not to use.

pedagogue

Many people will say that until they hit bottom...they didn't REALLY want go get better. THe responsibility comes down to yourself...because no one else can MAKE you want to get better. This isn't a, "ya know....I'd really like to stop taking pills, that would be so much better" You need to REALLY REALLY WANT and NEED to kick it.

If and/or when you get clean, you might STILL have that little voice telling you to get starting using....but hopefully by that point you will have developed effective coping methods to deal with the temptation.

Here are some of the things you can do to get on the right path:
*Get to an NA meeting...STAT!
*Get a sponsor
*Get educated. The more you know about your use, the better you can deal with it.
*Apply to a detox program (They have free, public, private, etc)
*Make a personal contract with yourself (include a calendar!)

All of these things hinge on your desire to get clean. If you don't want it enough, it WON'T happen.

Best of luck, and keep us in the loop.

-pedagogue

nutz

You don't have to be clean and sober to attend meetings.

Maybe if you attend meetings you might get help to help
you stop using.

and nope....honestly I didn't really wanted to stop using,
just wanted stuff to get better. Love catching that BUZZ

I didn't clean and sober alone, I needed help
I can't , but we can.

mackat

heh kathy
mackat, addict here

kinda the definition of a drug addict isn't it?- all that part of why is it so damn hard?

So .....
in NA
we have these steps of recovery and the first one has a first part about" admitting we were powerless..".
sounds like you might be working on that step-
might as well hit a meeting and get on to the rest of that work
anyway, i couldn't stop til i began doing those steps, went to meetings , got a sponsor
I've never regretted doing that for myself!
we have been where you are
hugs
mackat

namommy

Hi, I just wanted to pop in and say Welcome to SR.

It is hard on alot of days. In the beginning it was even harder. For me it was just a matter of white-knuckling it until I was over detoxing myself (cold turkey). Then hitting as many meetings as I could until I had learned about some of the tools that we can use to recover from this disease. If 'one day at a time' seems too overwhelming, take it 'an hour at a time', or '5 min. at a time', sometimes I had to stay clean 'one breath at a time'. Whatever works.