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Just wanted to say Hi

Old 03-23-2005, 12:52 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
The Addict Formerly Known As
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Left of Center
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Just wanted to say Hi

Hey all,
I haven't posted in a long while, so I figured I'd give an update (not that anyone cares but hey). Still have one white tag, will have 5 months clean at then end of this month (last time I posted I think I was 30 something days). Still going to meetings, I've found making friends in the rooms to be a tremendous help. Somewhat working on my 1st step (here and there) as I still have an issue with the "Personal and Caring God" thing (Agnostic I am) but you know, whatever. I have gotten a bit more spiritual and think that my HP may be my inner spirit (not my Ego which has gotten me into poop). However, I'm told that I cannot be my own HP. Yeah, OK, works for Eastern Philosophies and Religions. But fortunatley none my groups (I'm a meeting ***** so I have many groups but only 2 Home Groups) give me too much crap about this as I am involved in service (H&I), I chair, lead discussions, and so on and so on.
So far it's working, albeit without the HP. Go figure.
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Old 03-23-2005, 01:28 PM
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I'm an addict.
 
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Hey Mastrik,
I care how your doing. Congrats on the 5 months...Wish I was there. I can deffinately relate to you problems with the whole HP concept. I get hung up on this alot (being a former millitant agnostic) My current concept of my HP is similar to what you were saying about your inner spirit. I'm partial to eastern philosophy myself anf what works for me is accepting that the force inside of me is not mine as it is part of a greater entity and it is in everyone and everything. What has allways had me hung up before was confusing religion with spirituality. I am not now nor will I ever be a "religious" person. In my oppinion, religion gets in the way of true spirituality, for me. I have allways over-analized and over-intellectualized this conundrum. I have allways been quick to point out reasons why I couldn't believe this or that instead of just stopping and looking at all the miracles going on in my life. For this addict, a day without getting loaded is a miricle in itself. The new relationships I am deveolping where people I have just barely met actually care about whats going on in my life is a miracle. This program is a miracle. My relationship with my sposor is a miracle, etc... I can't explain alot of the stuff that happens in my life and I have stopped trying to. I'm along for the ride and where I end up is where I end up. Not sure if any of this rambling makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me, today, and that's what matters.

-Blake
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Old 03-23-2005, 06:42 PM
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yeah ! Good to hear your sticking and staying.

Whatever higher self there is that lives in me, didn't have a shot at guiding my will when I was under the hammer, running and gunning. My fragile, afraid to let em see me sweat, ego was shouting the loudest and thats the me that I don't want as a higher power these days.

When I started getting in the habit of sitting still, quietly, in one place long enough I could begin to hear the self I always wanted to show everyone else, but was afraid of the reaction. Turns out I had it all backwards all those years.
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Old 03-24-2005, 12:09 AM
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Mastrik...
Thanks for popping in and sharing your ESH.
There are plenty of folks around here who care and who need to hear what you have shared.
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Old 03-24-2005, 12:11 AM
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whataday
 
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By the grace of god, it`s nothing i`ve done.


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