Can ANY recovering addict..help me with this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: California
Posts: 5
Can ANY recovering addict..help me with this?
Hello- I am posting here becasuse I would like some good advice on my situation. My BF of 4 years ended our relationship for GOOD last nite. He NO LONGER wants to be in a relationship, he needs to heal, focus on himself and his kids and has no desire to be emotionally avaialable and cant. SO THEREFORE I am theone who is hurt here, I have been through HELL with him on his detox and becoming clean . And I was glad I could do that - but now he WONT even give us another chance- AT ALL!!!! I am so hurt, feel angry and I want to know . Does ANYONE out there think that he will come back around to me? in the future- or should I jsut walk away- Problem is ---- I cant 
(
Thank you Ca girl
(Thank you Ca girl
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey CA...
Sorry your hurtin...
Will he come around? Only God knows... ;o)
But... I can tell you that your life won't end... and this is a chance for growth for both of you.
Regardless of what he does... do you have a life worth living for yourself???
That's a huge part of codependancy though... being "other-ated" .. and pretty much dependant on others for direction and what we take for "quality" in our lives.
Act as if you have a life without him... and you will...
Act as if you have no life without him... and you won't.. ;o)
Praying for strength and clarity of thought for you...
Sorry your hurtin...
Will he come around? Only God knows... ;o)
But... I can tell you that your life won't end... and this is a chance for growth for both of you.
Regardless of what he does... do you have a life worth living for yourself???
That's a huge part of codependancy though... being "other-ated" .. and pretty much dependant on others for direction and what we take for "quality" in our lives.
Act as if you have a life without him... and you will...
Act as if you have no life without him... and you won't.. ;o)
Praying for strength and clarity of thought for you...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: austin, TX
Posts: 4
Ya, what Bikewench said!!
Also, the worst vice is advice. Ok, sorry to be glib. Relationships have been the most painful part of my recovery. I had to let go of a 3 year relationship last month. I know how much it can hurt. However, I believe the decision I made was the right one, and living in the wrong one hurt a lot more. Bottom line is you really can't control him, and if he is unable to see that you are special and deserve all the love and commitment you are willing to give, well, that is his loss. At least you know you have that, so keep your chin up!! Also praying for you.
Also, the worst vice is advice. Ok, sorry to be glib. Relationships have been the most painful part of my recovery. I had to let go of a 3 year relationship last month. I know how much it can hurt. However, I believe the decision I made was the right one, and living in the wrong one hurt a lot more. Bottom line is you really can't control him, and if he is unable to see that you are special and deserve all the love and commitment you are willing to give, well, that is his loss. At least you know you have that, so keep your chin up!! Also praying for you.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
He NO LONGER wants to be in a relationship, he needs to heal, focus on himself and his kids and has no desire to be emotionally avaialable and cant.
Why would you want to be with someone that doesnt want you? Thats not being good to yourself. If you say he can't be emotionally available...well then he can't. Relationships right after recovery are tricky at best and frowned upon at worst...come on over to Friends and Family...we are all in the same boat!
Sink or Swim CA Girl
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