erino134

I just came back from my very first meeting and I have some questions/comments that I would like to share.

First, I went to an AA meeting because my doctor told me it didn't matter. While I think I could turn into a raging alcholic (like my therapist says I will if I don't stop....) the current drug I am battling is vicodin. I have been off for 2 weeks now and miss it terribly. Funny the first week I was so relieved to have broken free and now I am starting to think I could just use once in a while. (uh huh...)

Does anyone care what my drug of choice was? Do I have to say - "Erin, alcoholic" or can I say "Erin - drug addict". Will anyone there care that I am not battling a drink? I mean, my doctor says it is the same disease - and the symptoms appear very very similar from my perspective. I don't want to offend anyone. My doctor told me that he thought AA was better than NA. For various reasons...

In fact one lady came up to me after and told me that she was a "substance abuser" but she just goes along with the protocol...

Second, is it possible that all those people are addicted to the meeting instead of the drinking/drugs? Not that that would be a bad thing - in fact that is probably a great subsitute. But is that what is happening?

People going to meetings 5 or 6 times a week for 20 years? That strikes me as an addiciton in and of itself. But a good one. I have a friends that says she is addicted to exercise. I wish I fell into a healthy addiction.

Third, Wow. I met several strangers that just wanted to help me. It was really really nice. That really strikes me. Same with this board. I don't know why that strikes me so, but I find it to be so powerful. I guess that is the point huh.

Have a dandy day!!

Dan

Hi Erin.
When I quit using hard drugs in 90, I thought I was superman. Quit more or less cold turkey. Cocaine and others. No meetings, no support. Nada.
New location, new job, new life. I was king of my being. What's a six pack gonna do to me I figured... I used to do cocaine by the ounce.
Fast forward say, five years, and I've progressed to not only a six pack friday nights, but by then I'm also keeping some vodka at home. Shot here and there, you know...

Fast forward again. New millenium. Haven't touched cocaine in ten years. But I'm a chronic alcoholic now, and I know it. But I don't do anything about it. I still figure I can control it. I beat coke, after all...

May 2003, I'm broken. First AA meeting.
Hi, my name's Dan, I have a problem.

Your therapist might have a point in cautioning you about alcohol.

I introduce myself at meetings as an alcoholic, cuz I am. And out of respect for a lot of the longtimers there, who've never even looked at a joint or a pill.
It doesn't matter to me. As I got to know some of these men and women, I shared my story with them, and they shared theirs.
I think of myself as a drug addict. I did them all, and loved them all. Alcohol is just one on the list, and happens to be the one that broke me while abusing it.

Some of us will do five or six meetings a week for the rest of our lives I suppose.
That's a highly individual and personal thing really. We do what we have to do to stay sober, and live a sober lifestyle. If that's what we want.

Lastly, I just want to say thank you for sharing your story thus far. Every time I see a newcomer come back from a meeting with a smile and some questions, it just brings it all home to me. And I'm grateful for that.
Keep up the good work Erin!

TracyAgain

Hi Erin,

I doubt it. From what I've read, the intro: "My name is ___ and I'm ___," is treatment center stuff that seeped into AA during the last few decades. "My name is ___ and I'm in recovery" would work just as well.

Certainly not *all* those people, unless it was an unusual meeting. There are some who get fixated on the program but I don't want that. I looked for a sponsor who had a rich life outside of AA for that reason.

Again, that would be out of the ordinary in my experience.

Yes. The support is wonderful. Cool people.

Tracy

gratefulgal

Erin,
I battled with this same dilema. I wanted so badly to like NA meetings, but for me personally, I preferred AA. I have found from my experience that most people in AA do not care what your drug of choice was - a drug is a drug. However, there are some people in AA who do care and those are the people I try to stear clear of. I have found meetings and people that are not really "hard core AA" but instead realize that a lot of people either mix their drugs or just prefer AA over NA. I totally understand your question about how to introduce yourself because I really stressed myself out over that. I now introduce myself as an alcoholic and addict even though I never had a problem with alcohol; however, I have heard too many stories of people who are like me and they thought they could drink but it lead them right back to pain pill or the drug of their choice. I don't want or need to learn the hard way, I'll take peoples' word for it.
I would highly recommend that you get a good sponsor and they will really help you through these kinds of things. Mine has given me a lot of good advice on this particular topic (she's in AA but when she was drinking, she did more drugs than alcohol). Just keep going back and for now, don't share with everyone that you're feeling confused about if you belong in AA or not. Find some AA people that you can talk to about this and get their advice but just keep going back.

wantneeda

hi erin,
Your first meeting?! awesome!!!!!! I went into treatment as a drug addict but by the time I left realized I'm a drug addicted alcoholic. And I've proven to myself that alcohol definitely makes my life unmanageable. It also starts me on the road to what became my drug of choice. Suggestion?....try not to think about how much you miss what your addicted to. obsessing, try to focus on the solution not the problem.
Myself, i prefer AA, more longtimers but i do go to the odd NA meeting. I do find that the more i concentrate on being an alcoholic i tend to forget that I'm a drug addict to. Yes a drug is a drug. You could also say that you are an addict in recovery. Personally I'm addicted to alot of things....and today jsut trying to find a balance in the healthy ones! Addicted to meetings?...well thats what keeps me going and if getting addicted to meetings will keep me sober and clean then so be it. Sooner or later that will balance out to. I believe we are all nice people as long as we're not using, if it wern't for the support and encouragement and learning i get from meetings and coming here I'm sure I'd be dead or close to it. Keep coming back!

Wilky

"I have found from my experience that most people in AA do not care what your drug of choice was - a drug is a drug. However, there are some people in AA who do care and those are the people I try to stear clear of. I have found meetings and people that are not really "hard core AA" but instead realize that a lot of people either mix their drugs or just prefer AA over NA."

Well, let me ask you this: If you are NOT an alcoholic how can you relate to someone dying from the disease of alcoholism? AND if you identify yourself as an "alcoholic addict" and you said you are not an alky....then, isn't this lying? Isn't this an HONEST program? Just a couple of thoughts and my 2 cents worth.

As for being an addict, not an alcoholic, and what meetings to attend. I would strongly suggest you go to NA meetings. AA is for people that are afflicted with the disease of alcoholism. NA is for narcotics. Some think that a drug is a drug is a drug. While this might be true in the chemical sense....it is NOT true in the physical experience. AND in holding to our true purpose in AA...we carry the message to the next alcoholic....not the next herion addict. We cannot save everyone. We have to keep focused on those that are afflicted with this hideous disease. We can relate to them far better than any crack head.

To thine own self be true.

JMO
Wilky

Dan

Hee hee... Is that singleness of purpose or ghettoization?
Welcome to SoberRecovery Wilky!

Gooch

Hi Erin! Welcome.


http://www.egna.org/BTO.cfm?iBTID=3


Here's the self test that helped me decide ..

http://www.egna.org/selftest.cfm

my .02 for what it's worth..

if you remove the water H20 from alcohol you wind up with ether. So technically alcohol is a drug.

Due to the social acceptability and legality of the indescriminate use of alcohol for many centuries, in many cultures, there is a perceived distinction between it and the abuse of other drugs. The disease concept of alcoholism gained popularity before the disease concept of addiction.

AA pioneered the concept of a non professional support system whereby individuals suffering the same chronic. previously uncontrollable, behaviours could identify with, relate to, and assist each other in managing the behaviours.

I'm pretty grateful the founders of AA found a sucessful method that could be adapted for all the dope fiends that couldn't relate to or weren't invited to relate to the boozers that weren't trapped in the bottle anymore.

Whats really important is that theres a way out of whatever dilemma we finally admit to having, and many wonderful recovering people to help us come to terms with adapting a set of principles into our life that help us change into the people we always wanted to be before our misadventures with the bottle, bag, tablet, herb, or whatever took us to hell.

For now concentrate on simply not using any substances, and explore the possibilities. Read some of the literature involved with the fellowships and check out some meetings. Most importantly find some recovering people that you can relate to, so you can call them and spend time with them when you are having a good day or a bad one.

We gain so many choices when we make the most important one.. just not picking up that first hit.

Hope I've helped to answer some of your questions.

nutz

All i know is, when I pump mind altering mood changing
chemicals vai booze, pills ,powder, or doobies.
Something strange very strange starts happening to me.
I'm crazy enough at it is without the stuff.
With any of that stuff in me, it gets amplied 1000 times full.
And I find it very, very hard to stop or I can't.
The 12 step program was also precribed by my Doc.
Entering recovery at the young age of 23, I questioned it of course.

I don't anylize it anymore and just accept it.
It gets me into the salutions and not the problem.

Of course , theres time to time I had to take precribe Med.
Running down to the local drug store
asking for refills of tylenol 3 after the pain was over
reaffrims it even more.

I have a desire not to drink anymore.
I have a desire not to take drugs anymore.
Living ain't always easy. I need as much help I can get.
Celebrating can be a tricky. I need help doing that too.

Justme57

Hi there Erin

I am so glad that you enjoyed your meeting .

My AA home group has several " dual addicted" people, and they usually inyroduce themselves as alcoholic/addicts , but when sharing they share on their alcohol related story , as over here , in the Preamble, we ask people who share to share their problems as related to "Alcoholism"

I wish you continued sucess in your Recovery
HUGX
Lee

Andy F

Hi Erin

There are two types of AA meeting.. Open and closed. Open meetings do not require you to be there because you have a desire to stop drinking. Closed meetings do. This is the only requirement for AA membership and entry to closed meetings; that you have a desire to stop drinking.

I know many members of Narcotics Anonymous who say that to them, alcohol is just another drug that they need to abstain from. They can say they have a desire to stop drinking and therefore go to any AA meeting Open or Closed.

You might also want to take a look at other alternatives like Smartrecovery.org. A cognitive approach to addiction.

As for being addicted to meetings that is not compulsory. You will have choice.

20 years ago the attraction to AA for NA people was that AA was more established and generally had more longtime members. I think that they have begun to catch up now, though this depends where you are on the planet.

My experience is with alcohol and I do care that people at closed meetings have a desire to stop drinking. However, if you are saving your skin I'd follow the advice of the substance abuser and just go along with protocol.

Patsyd1

Hi Erin,

Alcoholics Anonymous is for anyone who has a desire to stop drinking Erin. Your doctor may say it doesn't matter because as you and your therapist say, if you don't stop drinking, you will turn into a raging alcoholic. Having shared that, I am an alcoholic and a drug addict, and the only requirement for AA membership, is a desire to stop drinking, and I meet that requirement. If one is trying to stop vicodin, then NA would be best for that person.



No one cares what your drug of choice is, but at an AA meeting I respect AA's primary purpose, and even though I am an alcoholic and drug addict, I introduce myself as "Patsy, alcoholic" at an AA meeting.
Here at SR, I introduce myself as "Patsy, alcoholic and addict"


Well people going to 5 or 6 AA meetings a week after 20 yrs, isn't something that I would want for myself. To each their own. For myself, I didn't get sober to spend my life at AA meetings.
Having said that, I am sober 16 yrs, and I do continue to go to AA meetings 2 or 3 times a week. I do not go to AA today so that I won't drink. I go because I am a grateful alcoholic and so that I can give away, what was given to me freely when I first came through those doors of AA as a newcomer.
Step 12 is a very important step, because I can't keep it, unless I give it away. And yes, I do believe that one can be addicted to AA meetings, and its only my opinion, but I do not find that is good. AA helped me to stop drinking one day at a time, by working this simple program, and AA gave me back my life through the 12 Steps and I am grateful to have learned how to LIVE life today.....inside and outside AA meetings.

Thats wonderful Erin I would suggest thinking of those AA members, not as strangers but as the greatest friends that any alcoholic can have, and that up until now, you just haven't met them yet

Erin, don't drink and don't drug no matter what, and just keep coming.
Congratulations and Welcome ((((((Erin))))))

erino134

My husband suggested that I get drop down drunk and then I will probably feel like an alcoholic the next day. (he was kidding)

Its weird, because I know that could have a problem with alcohol, I know in my heart that I crave drinks and that the first drink "dials me right in".

I struggle I guess, because drinking has not caused me great badness so far. One of the reasons I started taking vicodin was because drinking made me tired and gave me a headache the next day. So... as I search my sole.... I think I know in my heart that my doctor is really right.

My doctor told me to consider him a messenger of God - and if I don't do this now, I am going to be doing it in the future. Why bother to lose everything first?

So, as I search my sole - my problem isn't that I don't recognize the alcoholic in me. Because I think I do. My disease just hasn't progressed as far yet.

My problem is 'the desire to stop drinking'. The truth is that I don't want to stop drinking, or stop eating vicodin. I want to not want it. But I still want it. But I wish I didn't want it.

That's very telling isn't it.

And, why bother quitting if I'm not an alcoholic. That will have been a waste of not drinking. Again - I'm not sure that would occur to someone that didn't have an issue.

And, get this demented thought - I feel like I can drink and drug for a while longer because I have time to recover later.

OMG - I'm going to a meeting today!

renolo8

If you are going to speak about alcoholics who also have an illicit or prescription drug past, please use respectful terminology rather than using the derogatory term of "crack head".

renolo8

[QUOTE=renolo8;1181679]
If you are going to speak about alcoholics who also have an illicit or prescription drug past, please use respectful terminology rather than using the derogatory term of "crack head".

I have learned that people in pain all suffer from the same disease. I have come to believe that people with the same fearful emotions may have used different means of "solving" the pain, but the last thing I want to do is alienate myself from others who may relate in some way.

After the 9th step, I learned that love and tolerance of others is our code. Whenever I find myself talking down to or about others, I need to check my motives, talk to my sponsor, pray, go to a meeting, and figure out how I am responsible for my own recovery. If I were to use belittling slang in an open forum such as the internet, I would hopefully realize that I was simply suffering from a temporary inflated ego and quickly make a positive change in my life.

soberinnyc

While I drank alcohol almost exclusively (with a sprinkling of valium), I'm sure I could easily move to any drug. In my 16th year I attend 3-4 meetings each week because denial is always perched on my shoulder. I need the constant reminder that I'm an alcoholic, that I'm incapable of having one drink. Today most of us are both pills and alcohol and we call ourselves alcholics.