Zelch

I am currently on day two of going cold turkey off Hydrocodone (in many forms), mostly Lortab and Vicodin.

I actually started using and abusing drugs in 1987 when I was 16, at that time, marijuana was my DOC and it remained that way for many years although I drank heavily throughout my early and mid 20's. When I turned 26, I was living in Minnesota at the time and was kind of in a crisis, my brother suggested I move to Kentucky with him and start a new life. I moved down here in late 1997 and for quite a while, things were much better for me, I wasn't drinking nearly as much, I quit smoking weed and I was holding down a good full time job. This all changed in december of 2002 when I started having severe back pain and muscle pain. What seemed to be a virus hung on for months and it was at that time that I was introduced to Hydrocodone for pain. I believe the addict in me was hiding and just waiting for an opportunity to attack.

It didn't take much to give me a buzz and get rid of the pain at first, I remember the days where I could take 1 or 2 Lortabs (7.5's) and feel good for 3 or 4 hours. It wasn't long before my tolerance shot up and I was taking 7 or 8 pills per day, sometimes more. In the summer of 2003, I was going to multiple doctors getting scripts, a big no-no. I was still in some pain but certainly not enough to justify the continued use if this powerful narcotic. Eventually I was confronted by one of the doctors I was seeing and in this age of modern technology, it was a matter of days and all my docs knew. That was the end of my doctor shopping. I eventually found another source and continued to use heavily up until last week. In addition to developing severe stomach problems from my use, my source also dissapeared, for good. The combination of those 2 things basically forced my into going cold turkey, starting yesterday. I have done some serious sole searching and have decided that I want to be clean, more than anything now. Here I am with an empty bank account (thanks to my addiction), without a job, without friends and feeling about as miserable as I've ever felt. I see clearly now what this drug did to me, my body has become so dependent on it that I am seriously ill and very depressed without it. Before this weekend, I don't think I had cried for several years, I made up for lost time today, it feels like the whole world is crashing in on me. It's time to dig myself out of this **** pile I put myself in and just wanted some advice from those who have been there. I need to cut this short because every bone (and muscle) in my body hurts. Thanks for listening.

CharacterDefect

Zelch!

My DOC is was different than your's so I can't relate to your withdrawl but will say a prayer for you that it will pass quickly for you.

You sound like you've done a lot of soul searching and have hit your personal bottom. I really feel you will do great in your recovery!

I think one might suggest detox? I can only suggest for you to get to meetings and get a sponser right away.

I'll pray for you, I promise.

~J

Moontime

Hey Zelch, I'm an addict too. Your story reminded me of myself at a certain point in my life. My drug of choice is MORE. I don't care what I put in my body I want more of it if it changes the way I feel. If you can snort it, shoot it, eat it, drink it, cook it, whatever, I wanted it and did it. I got to a point where I didn't want to live with drugs or without drugs, I just wanted to go. I wanted to check out. yeah the bank account went too and the girlfirend went as well. We split the house up, she got the inside and I got the outside. But, what I remember most of the feeling was that I had to lose everything before I got something. I got a surrender feeling from going to my first NA meeting a)I'm finally diagnosed on why I'm so fekked up b)There is a simple solution c) If I follow suggestions I never have to use again just for today. It was about humbling myself to let other people help me. Where I came from and grew up, we don't let people help us, it's a sign of weakness. It didn't hit me that I needed all these outside things to change the way I feel, with drugs just being the most obvious symptom of the disease of addiction. That wasn't a sign of weakness for me, but asking for help was. So, the NA soldiers before me told me that I could stop using, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live. I just needed to follow simple directions and suggestions. 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, get a home group, get numbers and the rest will take itself. I don't know if you should go to a detox or not, that's your decision. All I know is from my experience and that's detoxing in the rooms of NA, with my brothers and sisters taking care of me. They carried this addict. Keep Coming BAck!

Zelch

I've tried just about every drug I could get my hands on at one time or another, I remember smoking crack a lot when I was in my early 20's until I nearly had a heart attack one night. I used to go out and get loaded up with booze and then hit the streets to buy rock, I did this almost every night for a year. Recently, I read an article about the dangers of using cocaine and drinking alcohol (cocaethylene). At that time I thought drinking first made it safer. It's kind of ironic that pill that a doctor had initially prescribed to me would lead to my downfall, not cocaine.

I'm on my 3rd day now and still feel like I've been beaten with a sledge hammer, it was a real bitch just dragging myself out of the house. I knew I had to get out of here though, sitting around feeling sorry for myself makes the withdrawal part unbearable. It's hard to imagine that the sun will rise again and that I'll ever feel normal, I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass, I hope I'm right. Thanks for the replies.