Three Things We All Need to Know About Desire
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Three Things We All Need to Know About Desire
I figured I would post this article about desire / want. It fits well with addiction and life in general. The author David Cain (Raptitude) has great insights on many things. A buddhist slant on everyday living. Developing true self awareness is such a huge part of my recovery and overall life / contentment / happiness. I became interested in David Cain when I was investigating meditation. He really helped take some of the mystery out of the practice for me. A daily meditation practice has absolutely changed my life for the better. Enjoy :-)
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Three Things We All Need to Know About Desire
The Main Street strip in Mount Pleasant, Vancouver, is a mile-long stretch offering every sense pleasure you could think of. Craft beer. Sushi. Third-wave coffee. Trendy clothes. Pizza and burgers. Ergonomic furniture. Artisanal ice cream.
Last month, on my first night back in civilization after a seven-day silent retreat, I spent most of the evening slowly walking that strip.
Still hyper-aware and hyper-patient from the retreat, I kept noticing something my mind usually only does in the background. Maybe fifteen or twenty separate times, I noticed myself getting really excited about acquiring something—a slice of pizza, a book, a dessert, a coffee—and then I noticed that feeling dissipate.
Article can be found here: http://www.raptitude.com/2017/07/thr...-about-desire/
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Three Things We All Need to Know About Desire
The Main Street strip in Mount Pleasant, Vancouver, is a mile-long stretch offering every sense pleasure you could think of. Craft beer. Sushi. Third-wave coffee. Trendy clothes. Pizza and burgers. Ergonomic furniture. Artisanal ice cream.
Last month, on my first night back in civilization after a seven-day silent retreat, I spent most of the evening slowly walking that strip.
Still hyper-aware and hyper-patient from the retreat, I kept noticing something my mind usually only does in the background. Maybe fifteen or twenty separate times, I noticed myself getting really excited about acquiring something—a slice of pizza, a book, a dessert, a coffee—and then I noticed that feeling dissipate.
Article can be found here: http://www.raptitude.com/2017/07/thr...-about-desire/
Last edited by shockozulu; 07-19-2017 at 06:19 PM. Reason: Fair Use
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I'm going to jump in and talk from the perspective of the person who actually went out and bought the boat, who goes on vacation even though I can't necessarily afford it or whatnot. I just think that all we are guaranteed is right now. I don't know how my health will be when it's time to retire and those aren't considered the good years anyways so why not take the risk, why not live in the moment? We are only going around once, we get one shot at this so I don't want to spend my good years worrying about 25 years from now. Sure I still save and try to live in too much debt but I'm not going to do it at the expense of today. I don't want to get to my golden years and look back with regret that I always played it safe and squandered my youth by being afraid of the future...... or worse that I wasted it too drunk to appreciate my unbelievable luck at being alive as a human being in this time of technology in this vast universe.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
zen, I completely get what you are saying.
There is a balance, for me, of enjoying today while preparing for the long haul, and the fact that there may be no long haul, so I hope I am enjoying today
My over consumerism is more of the crap kind, the kind that a person can live quite comfortably without. The kind that crowds the peace out of my space.
When it comes to experiences, travelling, visiting long time friends, that is not something I think of as over consuming.
There is a balance, for me, of enjoying today while preparing for the long haul, and the fact that there may be no long haul, so I hope I am enjoying today
My over consumerism is more of the crap kind, the kind that a person can live quite comfortably without. The kind that crowds the peace out of my space.
When it comes to experiences, travelling, visiting long time friends, that is not something I think of as over consuming.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Chester, UK
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I agree that we should live in the moment and not be afraid of the future.
Mindfulness offers a way of living in the present moment without being separate from the future, or the past. We can be present when thinking about our future in the sense of not being caught up, distracted or overwhelmed by thoughts of the future. And similarly we can be present when thinking about things from our past, as opposed to being caught up, distracted and overwhelmed by them.
Mindfulness offers a way of living in the present moment without being separate from the future, or the past. We can be present when thinking about our future in the sense of not being caught up, distracted or overwhelmed by thoughts of the future. And similarly we can be present when thinking about things from our past, as opposed to being caught up, distracted and overwhelmed by them.
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Live in the moment - absolutely that is where actual life takes place. What resonated with me was the concept of desire in general. Being able to recognize desire for what it is in the moment without the need to impulsively act out on each and every thing that pops in our head. Becoming mindful and self aware to the fact that we are perfectly okay in the moment. We don't have to change it.
That doesn't mean don't do anything or don't go anywhere. More of being able to separate our desires / wants from actual needs. Learning to appreciate the things we have versus always feeling like something is missing. Trying to fill a bottomless pit of desires. A feeling of true freedom and contentment.
That doesn't mean don't do anything or don't go anywhere. More of being able to separate our desires / wants from actual needs. Learning to appreciate the things we have versus always feeling like something is missing. Trying to fill a bottomless pit of desires. A feeling of true freedom and contentment.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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The story of the businessman and the Mexican fisherman nicely illustrates this sense of contentment:
"An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”
“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”
“Millions – then what?”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”"
"An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”
“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”
“Millions – then what?”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”"
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Yeah there's this idea in Western culture that we're supposed to have all this stuff and that all this stuff will give us status and happiness. We don't get a new phone because we need one but because there's a better one out. When something breaks we don't have it repaired we replace it because it was obsolete pretty much as soon as we bought it. Everything has become kind of disposable. Even relationships have become throw away, replaceable, you can dump your partner get on you phone and swipe to the right and find a new one. Most people aren't actually happy or satisfied but we're chasing an illusion that if we keep buying and seeking more and more we will be, or at least we believe that we should be.
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I remember seeing a 60's documentary about a village in Tibet that was becoming popular with mountaineers on expeditions to Everest. One scene showed happy people surrounding the camera, laughing and smiling at the though of being filmed, and the correspondent was saying the tragedy is that this innocence is so vulnerable and that within a few years the high street would be taken over by camera shops and so on catering for rich visitors and they would lose their happiness by starting to desire all this. It's as if we look around to see what other people want and then compete with them to get it.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
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Distillation is good. Even if the time I spend in the 'here and now' is but one go 'round, I don't get 2600 years to find all the wisdom out there , god bless humanity for giving me the opportunity to glean it on the cheap
I'm getting 'better', I think, at coming to terms with the role desire plays and how my handling of it affects my 'happiness' and seeing how fluid the 'h' word is /was in my internal vocabulary. In a sense we all write our own dictionaries filled with our 'definitions' , tweak them when need be and hopefully be in a position mentally, spiritually to recognize a 'good' idea when it comes and take advantage of them and incorporate them
Thanks for posting the article , my day mantra today is 'don't do evil', fairly buddhist of me, yeah ?
I'm getting 'better', I think
, at coming to terms with the role desire plays and how my handling of it affects my 'happiness' and seeing how fluid the 'h' word is /was in my internal vocabulary. In a sense we all write our own dictionaries filled with our 'definitions' , tweak them when need be and hopefully be in a position mentally, spiritually to recognize a 'good' idea when it comes and take advantage of them and incorporate them Thanks for posting the article , my day mantra today is 'don't do evil', fairly buddhist of me, yeah ?
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I think the 'h' word is fluid too and has more to do with what you do and your thoughts than with what you are (your personal circumstances and history).
Though I think you're not doing yourself justice when you say you're gleaning stuff 'on the cheap'! We may not be able to read 2,600 years of books but perhaps most books are really interpretations of long known truths to give them contemporary meaning o,r as you say, are distillations of ideas that have not yet been put into print. The themes of Romeo and Juliet are constantly being re-expressed in films, musicals, songs for example . And AVRT itself being a distillation and expression into an usable tool of the common lore of self-recovery, though it really needs to revamp it's web site if it's going to attract new people.
Though I think you're not doing yourself justice when you say you're gleaning stuff 'on the cheap'! We may not be able to read 2,600 years of books but perhaps most books are really interpretations of long known truths to give them contemporary meaning o,r as you say, are distillations of ideas that have not yet been put into print. The themes of Romeo and Juliet are constantly being re-expressed in films, musicals, songs for example . And AVRT itself being a distillation and expression into an usable tool of the common lore of self-recovery, though it really needs to revamp it's web site if it's going to attract new people.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 1,742
I like thinking about desire and desiring.
I asked myself what separates the man who acquires what he desires and the man who, by financial constraints, is unable, but desires the same thing?
If a rich man drives a new Mercedes S Class, and there is a poor man who desires a Mercedes S Class, but can't afford it, what separates them? Nothing at all. If their desires are the same, then they are of the same mind.
What separates a rich alcoholic from a poor alcoholic? Same idea.
I asked myself what separates the man who acquires what he desires and the man who, by financial constraints, is unable, but desires the same thing?
If a rich man drives a new Mercedes S Class, and there is a poor man who desires a Mercedes S Class, but can't afford it, what separates them? Nothing at all. If their desires are the same, then they are of the same mind.
What separates a rich alcoholic from a poor alcoholic? Same idea.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I'm so glad that I read this thread this morning.
Yesterday I had a lot of desire to find a way to drink and "get away with it" (whatever that means). It came and went, and I was a bit freaked each time and each time it got stronger.
I remembered something that had been discussed on another thread, and I "asked Mara (my desire) to tea". I asked her why she wanted to drink, and the only answer she could come up with was "because I am too hot and want to not be here anymore". It was 102 degrees out. So, this time I simply made a compromise ... I took a shower, turned the air conditioner up (or down?) a bit and got a big fan to blow on me.
I don't always compromise with "Mara", but this time it made since, and perhaps it was not just Mara at the table, but my body telling me what it needed.
I think seeing through the temporariness of desire is hugely important for me in my alchoholism.
On another part ... I do see that balance between not caving to every desire yet allowing myself to have enjoyment by satisfying some of those cravings when reasonable.
I reached a point at around 45 that I had gotten a good job that paid great. I've never bought new cars (the most I ever paid was 3K at that point). I rarely bought expensive clothes. I was fairly frugal and had a great retirement plan.
A friend that I worked with died of a heart attack at 45. Another friend retired at 65 and died in 6 months. I started to see things a bit different.
I kept my retirement plan stable, but started to travel. It started out as a big 3 week trip called my "in case I don't make it to retirement trip". After that I traveled about every 18 months. This continued till I lost the good paying job. For a long time now I have not had enough money to be fully self supporting. I do not own a credit card and take no trips. those things are just not possible.
And I never regret the trips I took. I made hay while the sun shined! Had I saved the money, I would still be where I am now although I would have got there a few years later. This is the part that is staying in the now. I have no gaurentee of tomarrow, so I need to enjoy the life and resources I have.
I also do much better when I don't follow every desire willy nilly, but simply let them pass
Thanks.
Yesterday I had a lot of desire to find a way to drink and "get away with it" (whatever that means). It came and went, and I was a bit freaked each time and each time it got stronger.
I remembered something that had been discussed on another thread, and I "asked Mara (my desire) to tea". I asked her why she wanted to drink, and the only answer she could come up with was "because I am too hot and want to not be here anymore". It was 102 degrees out. So, this time I simply made a compromise ... I took a shower, turned the air conditioner up (or down?) a bit and got a big fan to blow on me.
I don't always compromise with "Mara", but this time it made since, and perhaps it was not just Mara at the table, but my body telling me what it needed.
I think seeing through the temporariness of desire is hugely important for me in my alchoholism.
On another part ... I do see that balance between not caving to every desire yet allowing myself to have enjoyment by satisfying some of those cravings when reasonable.
I reached a point at around 45 that I had gotten a good job that paid great. I've never bought new cars (the most I ever paid was 3K at that point). I rarely bought expensive clothes. I was fairly frugal and had a great retirement plan.
A friend that I worked with died of a heart attack at 45. Another friend retired at 65 and died in 6 months. I started to see things a bit different.
I kept my retirement plan stable, but started to travel. It started out as a big 3 week trip called my "in case I don't make it to retirement trip". After that I traveled about every 18 months. This continued till I lost the good paying job. For a long time now I have not had enough money to be fully self supporting. I do not own a credit card and take no trips. those things are just not possible.
And I never regret the trips I took. I made hay while the sun shined! Had I saved the money, I would still be where I am now although I would have got there a few years later. This is the part that is staying in the now. I have no gaurentee of tomarrow, so I need to enjoy the life and resources I have.
I also do much better when I don't follow every desire willy nilly, but simply let them pass
Thanks.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
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Another gem of a thread.
I managed to be fairly productive during my decades of drinking. My wife and I worked long hours, did well in our careers, and acquired many fine things. I sobered up one day about 4 years ago in a large house with a pool, a job I hated, and 2 new cars in the driveway.
And I just didn't give a s#!t about the house, the pool, the cars and especially the job. I pursued it all vigorously for many years, but now that I have it I don't really know why I thought this is what I wanted.
I'd sell it all, downsize and live happily (and frugally) ever after on what we already have. My wife doesn't want to hear any of that. She likes me sober, but isn't all that happy about the non-material streak it has exposed. It is causing a lot of friction in the Nonsensical home.
I managed to be fairly productive during my decades of drinking. My wife and I worked long hours, did well in our careers, and acquired many fine things. I sobered up one day about 4 years ago in a large house with a pool, a job I hated, and 2 new cars in the driveway.
And I just didn't give a s#!t about the house, the pool, the cars and especially the job. I pursued it all vigorously for many years, but now that I have it I don't really know why I thought this is what I wanted.
I'd sell it all, downsize and live happily (and frugally) ever after on what we already have. My wife doesn't want to hear any of that. She likes me sober, but isn't all that happy about the non-material streak it has exposed. It is causing a lot of friction in the Nonsensical home.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
women can't go backwards in lifestyle?
good thing someone told me that
i will keep that in mind next time i stroll up and down Main Street between 25th and 28th Ave in Mount Pleasant.
which i do quite often.
without buying a thing.
correction: i sometimes sit and have a perfect cup of coffee.
good thing someone told me that
i will keep that in mind next time i stroll up and down Main Street between 25th and 28th Ave in Mount Pleasant.
which i do quite often.
without buying a thing.
correction: i sometimes sit and have a perfect cup of coffee.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by zenchaser 
I don't see you winning that argument Nons.
The compromise I have in mind is to stop accumulating and maintain the status quo. I started my own business in a field I have always found interesting and I am quitting my annoying job in 6 weeks. I believe I can make enough while self-employed to maintain the current lifestyle.
She just needs to stop looking at bigger houses at the oceanfront.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I'm just joking around! Ocean front property does sound nice though. That's my dream except I'm dreaming about lake front, something with a dock to keep my boat, house doesn't have to be big but the boat does lol.
I think it's good to have desires and goals and dreams, something to work towards, as long as I keep things in perspective and don't become one of those people ruled by their ambitions. I also thing it's important to like what you do for work, we all spend a lot of time working and it can be pretty soul sucking if you hate it. I think it's great that you are changing careers and pursuing something that interests you Nonsensical, more people should do that.
I think it's good to have desires and goals and dreams, something to work towards, as long as I keep things in perspective and don't become one of those people ruled by their ambitions. I also thing it's important to like what you do for work, we all spend a lot of time working and it can be pretty soul sucking if you hate it. I think it's great that you are changing careers and pursuing something that interests you Nonsensical, more people should do that.
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