Rebalancing and remembering gratitude
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 42
Rebalancing and remembering gratitude
So I passed the 5 month mark, which had me very excited because I'm currently closing the gap on what I consider to be my next huge milestone (after one week, one month, and three months... not that it hasn't been difficult many times throughout) the 6 month mark!!!
But between my anxiety, and fair share of marital issues, it's often easy to forget why I put myself through all this pain that I know for a very long time was easily remedied with vodka. Today was a big test, where I maybe felt closest in months to giving sobriety up if even for a night (like that theory would work...) yet I find myself here instead. Rebalancing, refocusing, and remembering gratitude.
I'm grateful for this board. I don't post often, but I read often (sorry, creepy lurker here). It's so comforting to know how many stories mirror my own, and I'm not alone in this fight. The stories that people post are inspiring, and bring hope. This is a place of overwhelming positivity to those that desperately need it.
I'm grateful I took up yoga. I find it's been a real life-saver during my very dark times and GUYS I actually have definition in my arms for the first time possibly ever. I had gained so much bloated weight during my alcoholism, and through my yoga practice (and dropping the crazy amount of calories I was drinking daily) I finally feel back in my own skin and comfortable. I should probably add additional exercise throughout the week, but I make sure no matter how hard my day is or how tired I am, I take the time to do yoga.
I'm grateful I've started to learn the art of "self-love", which goes along with yoga and meditation. And just taking time out of every day to do something that will make you feel good. I've learned that nobody (well, with the exception of this board maybe lol) is going to congratulate you for staying sober, and you can't rely on others to make you feel good about the fact that you're doing it. You're doing it for yourself. I was originally doing it for my husband, and the relapses came one after the other. Once the game plan switched, and I truly wanted it for no one other than myself did sobriety work. I find sometimes I want that pat on the back a little too often, some sort of justification for all the "hard work" I put in daily towards it, but then I remember that that's kind of selfish and BS. I need to just be proud of myself, and let that be enough.
Lastly for now, since I've rambled like crazy, I'm so grateful I didn't get in my car earlier when every fiber of my being was screaming to get to the nearest liquor store stat. If I had asked myself a year ago if I could possibly imagine the progress I have made, I think I'd be shocked at where I am right now. I'm not in a perfect place, and doubt I ever will be, and believe me - although some days are fine, there are some, like today, that want that feeling back even just for a couple hours Cinderella style. But I have to stop. Rebalance, refocus, remember. I wasn't living a life worth living a year ago. And I don't know when, but I pray I can get to the point where the thought never even crosses my mind, even on the really hard days.
Thank you to anyone reading, and for fighting the good fight alongside me.
(PS: This forum tells me "rebalance" isn't a word because it keeps underlining it in red, but I don't really care. I like it, it works for me. I'm here and I'm sober
)
But between my anxiety, and fair share of marital issues, it's often easy to forget why I put myself through all this pain that I know for a very long time was easily remedied with vodka. Today was a big test, where I maybe felt closest in months to giving sobriety up if even for a night (like that theory would work...) yet I find myself here instead. Rebalancing, refocusing, and remembering gratitude.
I'm grateful for this board. I don't post often, but I read often (sorry, creepy lurker here). It's so comforting to know how many stories mirror my own, and I'm not alone in this fight. The stories that people post are inspiring, and bring hope. This is a place of overwhelming positivity to those that desperately need it.
I'm grateful I took up yoga. I find it's been a real life-saver during my very dark times and GUYS I actually have definition in my arms for the first time possibly ever. I had gained so much bloated weight during my alcoholism, and through my yoga practice (and dropping the crazy amount of calories I was drinking daily) I finally feel back in my own skin and comfortable. I should probably add additional exercise throughout the week, but I make sure no matter how hard my day is or how tired I am, I take the time to do yoga.
I'm grateful I've started to learn the art of "self-love", which goes along with yoga and meditation. And just taking time out of every day to do something that will make you feel good. I've learned that nobody (well, with the exception of this board maybe lol) is going to congratulate you for staying sober, and you can't rely on others to make you feel good about the fact that you're doing it. You're doing it for yourself. I was originally doing it for my husband, and the relapses came one after the other. Once the game plan switched, and I truly wanted it for no one other than myself did sobriety work. I find sometimes I want that pat on the back a little too often, some sort of justification for all the "hard work" I put in daily towards it, but then I remember that that's kind of selfish and BS. I need to just be proud of myself, and let that be enough.
Lastly for now, since I've rambled like crazy, I'm so grateful I didn't get in my car earlier when every fiber of my being was screaming to get to the nearest liquor store stat. If I had asked myself a year ago if I could possibly imagine the progress I have made, I think I'd be shocked at where I am right now. I'm not in a perfect place, and doubt I ever will be, and believe me - although some days are fine, there are some, like today, that want that feeling back even just for a couple hours Cinderella style. But I have to stop. Rebalance, refocus, remember. I wasn't living a life worth living a year ago. And I don't know when, but I pray I can get to the point where the thought never even crosses my mind, even on the really hard days.
Thank you to anyone reading, and for fighting the good fight alongside me.
(PS: This forum tells me "rebalance" isn't a word because it keeps underlining it in red, but I don't really care. I like it, it works for me. I'm here and I'm sober
)
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