Bauerlexi

What's the point of life if it's SO PAINFUL.
I've been through horrible grief and depression after my dad fatally overdosed when I was 17, but I was still hopeful.
I then met the love of my life who gave me hope, he was my happy ending,
until he overdosed this year when I was 24 and he was 25.
I really can't take it anymore, and I need some inspiration.

Maudcat

You are sad and hurting. Just breathe, put one foot in front of the other. It will be better in time. Sorry for your pain and loss. Addiction is heartbreaking.

PhoenixJ

Share. Prayers .

Bauerlexi

Thanks PhoenixJ & Maudcat. I just don't understand how people do it. I read an article yesterday about how a man lost his pregnant girlfriend, "soulmate" on Christmas Eve. I don't understand how someone moves on from that. That's your FAMILY and your future, and then they're just gone. I wasn't raised with religion, but I'm trying to find something to believe in. I want to believe that we will be with our loved ones again one day, that they still exist.

Maudcat

I have often felt, when I have experienced loss, that the best thing for me to do is to honor their memory in some way. Whether it is helping someone less fortunate, or contributing to a cause they enjoyed, or simply saying a prayer to their memory every morning and evening. It made me feel closer to them, and it eased my sorrow a little.

Bauerlexi

Yeah, I definitely say a prayer and talk to my loved one all the time. I really think I just haven't accepted it yet. I want to help other addicts, but I also don't want to be let down again. Thanks for your insight

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you Bauerlexi

Sorry for everything that has happened

gregknight

I'm glad you're here, Bauerlexi. I so feel for your troubles and your pain.

Bauerlexi

thanks both of you. it just sucks...I'm always the strong one. I'm the one people come to when they need help. I've always been the optimistic one no matter what the circumstances, but the death of my ex is something I just can't handle. I AM handling it, but I've lost all my faith and hope. I know its cliché, but too many bad things happen to good people and it's awful. It has been 10 months and I cry every single day. I cry for all the suffering he had to endure, and now I cry because his family and myself have to carry on without him. He's the one person in my life that swore he'd be there no matter what, and we were there for each other until the day he died. I just can't fathom that I'm not going to see him again.

Dazee

Cry and cry some more until it stops. It doesn't make sense and trying to make sense of the senseless can be unbearable. Like someone else said, breathe, put one foot in front of the other, go to the bathroom, get out of bed in the morning and try to think of only the day. My heart goes out to you and what you must be feeling. I am glad you are here, stay connected ((hugs))

Dee74

I felt exactly the same way at 25.

Now at 50 (almost) I'm happy - and really glad to have had those extra 25 years - there were ups and downs with them too but they've been worth living. Don;t give in to despair

D

Astro

Part of helping others with addictions is understanding that I'm not there to save them, only to lead and serve as an example. They have to have the desire to stay clean and sober. I've seen so many people go on to have happy and successful lives, but along the way I've seen many others pass away from their addictions too.

I know we all wish we could take away your hurt and pain. I also admit that my life is far from perfect, I have my regrets and there are days I struggle with my decisions in life. But most of the time I am deeply full of gratitude for the second chance at life I've received, and I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Bauerlexi

I'm glad I found this community too. I've been feeling this way for ten months and nobody I know can relate. Hopefully in a year I'll look at these posts of despair and see the process I've made in grief. Thank you ❤️

Seren

Bauerlexi,

I've been dealing with grief of my own, but I still want to offer a hug and prayers for strength and peace

S

Bauerlexi

Funny to read this, I've tried to picture myself at 50..hopefully wiser and stronger to all of life's challenges. I'm glad you felt those extra almost 25 years have been worth living, hopefully I'll get there too. Every day is a struggle right now.

Bauerlexi

Astro, I hope I can get back to being excited about life like you are. I loved life SO much and appreciated it because I had been through so much anxiety as a teenager (due to my home life) & I overcame it when I got my own stable apartment away from everything . I thought my time of pain was done for good, but i see life doesnt work that way. I'm trying to be hopeful again but it's not working yet.

Bauerlexi

Thank you Seren, it's amazing how you can still think of others while dealing with such grief. I've been selfish, but hopefully it all will go away. ❤️

NewRomanMan

Sending prayers your way, Bauerlexi. There are no easy answers to the question of human suffering. It's a mystery, and a terrible one at that. I don't claim to understand why things happen the way they do. And it doesn't ease the pain to say that it's just a part of life. That doesn't cut it. But know that there are other people here who genuinely feel your pain. You're not alone. I wish I could offer you more words of comfort. But know we're all here for you.

Bauerlexi

Thank you ❤️ it does help to know I'm not alone, although I wouldn't wish this feeling of helplessness on anybody. The only family I communicate with is my younger sister and I have great friends, but none of them really get what I'm going through. I'm so grateful I found this community of people who seem to care.

schnappi99

One of those annoying little slogans I heard early on in Alanon was along the lines of "when shared, joy is doubled and trouble is cut in half". Its really proven to be the case for me. Getting to know people in the meetings got me out of isolation and learning their stories and keeping up with them keeps me out.

Sometimes the meetings are lightweight discussion but sometimes some pretty serious stuff is shared and you never know. Recently a guy and his friend showed up, the friend's son had recently died from an overdose and the friend had himself just relapsed after several years clean and was contemplating suicide. As the story came out I watched the shock hit everybody in the meeting, I had no experience along those lines but half the women in the meeting did. They all got their balance back and told their stories about relapse, death and near suicide, and their recovery in much greater detail than I had heard before. I put my phone # down on the list we gave the guy, but I think whatever help we gave came from the women. He left in better spirits, I hope to see him again. It was amazing and inspiring to see those women in action.