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Severe Depression

Old 10-01-2016, 07:13 AM
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Unhappy Severe Depression

I've come to realize that my family knows nothing about me or try to understand me in any way. My whole life I've always noticed this. They picked up how angry and sad I am and it's due to being shut out. Anytime I tell them how I feel, they tell me that it's all in my head though it's not. My mother constantly talks about herself and she's kinda selfish. She's also toxic and abusive in some ways too. There's times where I'll talk and she'll talk right over me and then once she notices that I'm upset she'll freak out and think she did nothing wrong. My stepfather and younger brother don't honestly know me either. Lately I've been saying very little to both of them, It's getting to the point now where I enjoy my own company more than being around any of them. Anytime I try to speak my mind or talk, I always end up being criticized in the end or looked down upon like "there's something wrong with me" When I talk to my friends or cousins, they listen to me a lot more than my own family that I live with and this deeply depresses me.

My own family wasn't even aware of my drug addiction and their kinda strict on top of it. I still remember times where I actually snuck out of the house because of their ways. None of them knew nothing what was going on in my life and this makes me cry at night. I was abused by one of my boyfriend's and they knew nothing about this either. My step father once said, "You don't have to tell us anything." and now I've been slipping away even further away from them. Right now I'm planning on getting a job, going to college and then moving out. There's a part of me that most likely won't want to talk to them once I move out or hardly talk to them at all. Many people told me about the middle child syndrome. Is there such a thing? I'm trying to concentrate on my self healing because I was sexually abused by my real father which still haunts me and in a abusive relationship. Once I was over my friend's house and their loved by their family. I actually told my friend they should be grateful to have parents that actually cares about them. My friend got sad the minute I told them this because they know my family isn't exactly supportive of me.

The only time they care is when I'm going out with people and they try to tell me who I can hang out with and they tell me their only looking out for me. I'm 33 years old and they still try to treat me like a child and it still kinda annoys me. Once they started doing this I remember sneaking out of the house or leaving when none of them were around. Everyone tells me to give my parents and family a chance: though nobody seems to understand that they pretty much ignore me and don't even talk to me or even care to ask how I'm feeling. I don't hate my family at all, though the way they treat me just kinda pisses me off. I'm severely depressed because I feel like an alien and maybe I'm just better off not being around them as much. So much happened this year, that I fee like screaming: I got 2 surgeries, my love of my life died, almost got full blown cancer on my cervix and has been sick all year. My younger brother seems to be my mother's favorite and this has always been this way. I believe it's time for me to move out, so I can start my own life and keep myself surrounded by people who actually do deeply care about me.
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Old 10-01-2016, 08:27 AM
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Hi BLueWeepingRose,

Do you have the resources to move out on your own, it would seem to be the best way forward?
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Old 10-02-2016, 07:31 PM
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Originally Posted by BLueWeepingRose View Post
I believe it's time for me to move out, so I can start my own life and keep myself surrounded by people who actually do deeply care about me.
It's hard to leave what is familiar and easy to us, sometimes because the road ahead seems so difficult. But detachment from a toxic atmosphere can lead us to a life beyond our expectations.

I'm sorry you're struggling and have had such a difficult time, and I pray and hope that you make decisions and take action to find peace and the love that we all deserve.
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Old 10-04-2016, 07:00 PM
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I am sorry for what you are going through, emotional neglect and feeling invisible can be so painful and damaging. Sometimes leaving and distancing is the solution as we move towards finding others that do love and support us. Wishing you the best
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