Dee74

Last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-30-a-20.html

D

samantha14

Shotgun!!

Applekat

Rats!!! Hahaha. Glad you had a good run, Sam. Yes everyone is up now. Except for hubby. Lol. Typical. I'll give him a pass since he drove us all home at 10 last night.

Applekat

So quiet!

Applekat

Thinking of everyone! Check-ins today!
Day 14...

*1Stepup:
*AppleKat
*Beerbgone (BBG)
*Bobbie
*Casey
*Clearlyheaded
*Fred
*immri
*Icarus2
*Jemma
*Kayak63
*Keets
*Kiki
*Ladybug2
*LillianGish
*LostLilly
*ManInTheArena (MITA)
*Mish
*Missy7
*PeacefulRain
*Pelagic263
*Purplrks
*Sam
*Spacegoat
*Thirteenth

samantha14

Its really quiet. Where is everyone?

Going to walk Charlie and then I will be back....gotta keep busy and out of trouble today

Thirteenth

Present, but not early enough for shotgun. How about #7 shotgun?

Looks like I'll miss the early meeting as I slept in a bit. Perhaps I'll get to the afternoon one.

Glad to see you back and ready to go at it again Kiki.

You too Sam. Hope the run was good.

Hi Icarus and AK.

Happy Sunday all.

PhoenixJ

Hello world. Just outside where I am doing recovery having a cig. Talk focussed on how got my burns. Lots of awe and unbelieving faces at damage, survival, growth I've achieved in 1 year. Freak on a leash. Mixed feelings- gratitude- am alive. Sadness, regret. Strangely no resentment or anger. After all I built my nest, then soiled it- now I have cleaned it out- up to me to fill it up with good stuff. How are you guys doing on your holiday weekend? Used to be a good excuse for me to drink.

KiKi0615

Hi again, I wanted to re-post my accountability post since the new thread started. I also wanted to thank each and everyone of you for the unconditional love. I need you guys for my sobriety. You have become family to me. I love you all!

P.S. Now that I know how great 57 days of sobriety feels, I can't wait to get back there and BEYOND!
________________________________
Sunday, August 4, 2016 at 4:00 a.m.

Day 1

It's the middle of the night. I can't sleep. I feel so mad at myself for throwing 58 days down the drain. BUT....here's what I learned:

I AM 100% sure I am an alcoholic. I mentioned in a post a week or so ago that I wasn't really SURE if I was a "true" alcoholic but knew I had a "problem".

This is what I DIDN'T do yesterday: (I did yesterday ALL wrong!)
1. I didn't pray & connect with God
2. I didn't check in here
3. I didn't call my sponsor (or anyone else) until AFTER I drank!
4. I was Hungry and didn't eat when I had every opportunity in the world to do so
5. I was Angry because I got in a fight with my husband (that I caused!) and didn't call anyone to try to sort it out. I believe I subconsciously caused that fight so I would have an excuse to drink.
6. I did absolutely NOTHING to stop myself from drinking and I had much more than ONE beer!
7. I didn't read my old posts here
8. I left every single one of my tools locked in my toolbox!
9. I skipped every single one of my AA meetings last week at the last minute because I was "too busy". I put my sobriety at the bottom of my priority list! BAD IDEA! That CAN'T happen. Without sobriety, I have nothing.

*The thing that really scares me is I REALLY convinced myself that I could control my drinking this time! I talked to my husband and said "what if I just drink once a week or once every other week???" I BELIEVED I could control it THIS time! WTF?

I paid really close attention to my drinking yesterday and here's what happened:

My husband & I fought the entire way to my daughter's cross country meet. I don't even know WHY??? I literally just picked a fight with him and just started yelling at him! At one point I pulled over on the side of the road and told him to get out of my car!!! I had a moment of insanity! What in the world was wrong with me?

When we got to our daughter's cross country meet I already KNEW I was going to drink after! I had made the decision because I "deserved" it! Such BS! My AV got me!

After the cross country meet we stopped to get gas and I bought cigarettes! That's the first sign that I am going to drink because I ONLY smoke when I drink! We were in a town that doesn't sell alcohol so we stopped again 15 minutes later and I bought beer. I drank 3 beers in the car with my husband!!! I convinced him that I deserved it and I was "fine".

We drove straight to a bar and ordered more beer and he ordered FOOD! FOOD??? What is that all about? I wanted to DRINK, not eat! So I didn't! I was starving so I just drank more. THAT MAKES SENSE, right? (To an alcoholic!)

So here is what makes me KNOW I am an alcoholic.....once I started drinking I COULDN'T & didn't want to stop! NOTHING was gonna make me stop! It's not how often I drink it's what happens when I drink! My husband drank 2 beers with his lunch and was ready to go home! I was just getting started! I told him to go ahead and go home and I was gonna stay and drink more. He went home. Alone.

I started drinking the hard stuff and talking to random people. I order Jamison & diets and shots! From 1:00-6:00 pm I drank 5 beers, 4 Jamison & diets and shots all on an empty stomach! The owner of the bar told me I had to leave because I was drinking too much and bothering people. I really don't think I was bothering anyone but I think the female owner just doesn't like me and knows I have a problem.

Anyway, 10-12 drinks later (on an empty stomach) I started walking home. I finally got ahold of my husband and he picked me up. I started feeling sick so he pulled over so I could vomit. I blamed it on motion sickness. Lol!!!

I could NOT stop drinking once I had that ONE drink!!! The ONLY reason I stopped is because I literally couldn't drink anymore. I felt sick. And that owner was being a B.

So now......its 3:36 a.m. and I'm laying on my couch wishing I could take it all back! I got out of bed and came down stairs to take ibuprofen because my head was pounding and I feel like crap!!!

Was it worth it??? NO WAY!!!!! Headache, nausea, exhausted, feel bloated, spent $100!!!, let myself down, had to tell my sponsor (walk of shame), had suicidal thoughts again last night, feel very angry at myself, shame, guilt.....you know the feelings!

What am I gonna do to fix this?
1. Not beat myself up
2. Move forward and use this as a learning experience!
3. Copy and paste this in my journal and read it often!
4. Put my sobriety FIRST even if it means I have to say "NO" to other commitments.
5. Go to my AA meetings for extra support regularly!
6. Watch HALT!
7. Always remember that it's the FIRST drink that gets me! (I proved that to myself yesterday)
8. Read my recovery material regularly
9. Be more active HERE at SR. The past week I have been too "busy". I CAN'T be too busy!!!
10. Self care! Sleep, eat, be kind to myself, watch stress levels, exercise (((BREATHE))).
11. Don't engage! (aka Fight with my husband or anyone)
12. Never forget what I am....an alcoholic. Being and alcoholic does not make me a bad person. It's a disease. There is a cure. Complete abstinence!

Love u guys! I'll be ok. You guys are stuck with me.

Autumnlover19

Hi guys,

I drank wine last night at friend's house with dinner. About 3 glasses. Enough to wreck my stretch, make me hang my head in shame, and have a headache this morning.

Hugs, Kiki. Let's dust ourselves off and get right back up. I just read through your whole post. I wish I had read it yesterday.

I had a bad day yesterday full of triggers. I had all of HALT and didn't use my tools

I waited way too long to eat (dinner at my friend's took very long to prepare for reasons out of my control) and I gave in and had wine while waiting.

I was extremely tired because my baby had a bad night previously and was awake a lot and then whined all day long.

I fought with my ex because he promised to build a fence since our son had recently escaped my house, and of course now he bailed because he said my ad looking for a roommate on Craigslist and because he is still pretty much homeless (staying at his family's cottage after I kicked him out 3 months ago...) my ad made him angry. So no fence to help protect his son.

Lonely? Well, yes. I would love to share my son's milestones with someone other than my family. I could go on....but not in the mood now.

Thanks for listening and for your never-ending support.

I'm not drinking today and this is not the start of a binge. Luckily I feel ok now, not hungover. I will get outside, get some exercise, eat healthy food.

I will recognize HALT and do something about it next time. At the very least, I should have had a snack while waiting so long for dinner. And drank extra water.

Xoxox

Keets

I was just about to post and read yours and was almost identical to my last few days. I was so ashamed and wasn't planning on coming back but for what ever reason I did. We are all here trying to do this together and where I went wrong was not doing that and thinking I could do it on my own.

Keets

Last week was a bad week and I drink almost everyday and totally screwed up. It had been 3 weeks of no drinking or smoking but I crashed hard and caved in. I know when I drink it's going to be sort of a binge week and that's exactly what happened. I think it happens because I expect it to so I don't fight it anymore. I feel like when I'm not drinking it takes soooooo much effort to not drink and I was sick of working so hard it was easier to stay home and drink than go out and ride my bike or do anything else I would have done to not drink.
Didn't want to share that but really needed to get it out some where.
I allowed myself to have one more day and it became a week now my "one more day" Is over yesterday I'm not drinking today I had my one more day and today is a new day and I want to have no more days if that makes sence. Today is a new day new beginning its time to start thinking one day at a time and not long term

Thirteenth

Jemma and Keets, I'm sorry you both had slips. It happens and it sucks. It doesn't have to happen, but sometimes it does anyway. The important thing is that you're here, I'm here, we're all here. We're learning and growing and not perfect. Our falls won't define us for we pick ourselves up and keep going until slips are no longer part of our vocabulary.

Bobbieka

Good morning, guys.

Sorry you guys are struggling. Use this slip to reenforce your quest for sobriety.

Hate the iPad. Have appointment with apple at 12:15. Will write more later.

Thirteenth- it was totally funny. Just frustrating because I haven't used iPad in a long time, I don't remember all passwords and they are on my phone!! 1st world problems. Lol.

Can't wait to get to the Apple Store and tell them I peed on my phone while they are holding it! Lol

samantha14

Kiki - thanks for re-posting....it's a powerful message that we can all take something from

Jemma - sounds like a frustrating day for you all around. I am glad you're here and back with us so quickly - sending you love and positive thoughts today

Keets - I'm sorry you had a bad week but I do love your positive attitude....one day at a time we can do this together.

Thirteenth

If your camera still works, get a photo of their reaction.

PeacefulRain

Hi guys! Still here. Running around like mad, school starts on Tue. For some reason sleep sucks lately so lots of coffee flowing.

clearlyheaded

KIKI - glad to see you back. Good insights from yesterday. Dust off. Move forward.

Apple - good for you for sticking to your resolve. Flex those sober muscles!

Icarus - you are a wonderful, insightful addition to our class. Glad you are here.

Sam - Yesterday is done. Today is new.

clearlyheaded

I need to be careful today. I am in a foul mood, and feeling full of resentment. It's a recipe for not caring about staying sober. Today is going to be really, really hard.

Caramel

Stick close together, March Class