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My Experience Carrying the Message - Speaking

Old 07-18-2016, 07:21 AM
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My Experience Carrying the Message - Speaking

I was asked to speak for the first time at my home group.

Background: my step work and spiritual growth have been rather slow, but for those who know me on SR and in meetings, I've been fighting hard for my recovery this time around. I never follow through with anything, but I walked into AA this time utterly defeated and hopeless, and in my home group I saw and heard hope. So I stayed. And worked at it. And kept working at it.

It was sprung on me to speak 5 minutes before the meeting started. Miraculously, I was only anxious for a moment. I went into the kitchen and quickly asked God to help me carry the message, and that was it. I calmly asked a couple of questions to our lead guy, and I went up front.

In the past, if anyone had asked me to public speak or something, I would've been all crazy in ego. I would've been in complete and utter drama. I would've practiced what I was going to say, researched stuff, written things down I didn't want to forget, etc. I would've put all this insane focus needing to look perfect, so you all wouldn't see what I mess I really was on the inside.

This time was completely different. I brought God into it. I connected with my heart, quieting the mind. If my mind started to crop up while speaking, I was able to pause for a second and let it go. This was a completely different person up there.

Before my spiritual awakening, I lived my life in a bundle of nerves. I babbled like crazy sometimes. My stomach would get all twisted in knots. I worried about how I looked or if people thought I was smart, pretty, worthy, and all that other ego-crap. I'd get depressed telling myself how horrible I was, or nit-picking at every little thing I said or did, believing the lies my mind told me. I lived my entire life in the extremes of anxiety and depression, never in the middle; never balanced.

My sponsor told me afterward, that I was calm, happy, eloquent, and articulate. Those are words that have never been used to describe me, no matter how much in the past I tried to fake it in my daily facade that I was living in.

I was also HONEST.

Authentic.

And afterwards, I wasn't going crazy nervously asking everyone how I sounded, or apologizing for glitches or something. I was happy and calm as people came up to me to chat. I didn't critique myself or ask for someone to critique me. All I calmly thought in my heart was, "I hope I reached newcomers. I hope God is proud of me for carrying the message." It was very peaceful. My mind/ego was quiet.

Alcoholism kept me running away from myself for my entire life. Since before I even had my first drink.

To thy own self be true.
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Old 07-18-2016, 08:18 AM
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good job!
talking like that always helps me,even tho I was nervous sometimes at the start.I felt so much saner when it was over.

I wish I was there to hear it
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Old 07-18-2016, 08:37 AM
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Well done. It's entirely normal to be nervous before speaking in public. That doesn't normally worry the people who are listening in AA, though. What they appreciate is someone who's being honest and can explain to them about the changes in life that are available.
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Old 07-18-2016, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Tommyh View Post
good job!
talking like that always helps me,even tho I was nervous sometimes at the start.I felt so much saner when it was over.

I wish I was there to hear it
Thanks, Tommy! I wish all my friends on soberrecovery could've been there but you were all there in spirit!

Agreed--talking like that is keeping me honest with myself, too.
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Old 07-18-2016, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by endlesspatience View Post
Well done. It's entirely normal to be nervous before speaking in public. That doesn't normally worry the people who are listening in AA, though. What they appreciate is someone who's being honest and can explain to them about the changes in life that are available.
Those are really good points. I also think it may have helped others that I shared in a "general" way. Someone recently pointed that word out to me in the big book regarding our stories. I was also honest with my resistance and how I overcame that.
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Old 07-19-2016, 03:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Centered3 View Post
I went into the kitchen and quickly asked God to help me carry the message, and that was it. .
Well done C3. That is such a powerful principle you have demonstrated. When I remember to ask God (in any area of my life) things usually go well.

Thanks for a wonderful post.
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Old 07-20-2016, 12:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Gottalife View Post
Well done C3. That is such a powerful principle you have demonstrated. When I remember to ask God (in any area of my life) things usually go well.

Thanks for a wonderful post.
Thanks, Mike. My sponsor's been drumming it into my head to invite God into all areas of my life for years. It really does make a difference.

My speaking would have been a lot different if I didn't follow that advice. It would've been me, me, me, ego, ego, ego, ego......
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