greenteababe

I don't really want to hang out w people. even going to AA is like extremely difficult for me. i keep thinking i don't need it and i'm fine, especially when i'm sitting there w all alcoholics...and i never drank that much. but i've noticed little differences the days after attending a meeting and it's been a positive influence so far

going out with people really doesn't interest me at all now and i'm basically a recluse at the moment. i have been for a while but idk. when i'd go out i'd look forward to drinking or xanax and now that's out and i'm like...ugh. did you have to force yourself to do things again?

MIRecovery

A couple of thoughts. Isolation is alcoholism's greatest alia. It splits us of from the herd and then it kills us. The other thought is a big part of recovery is rejoining the human race

greenteababe

I think I'm still in denial though because the main reason I would enjoy going out was to ...drink and do drugs. I'm telling myself I need to stick to forcing myself into situations I dislike until I enjoy it. I really don't want to be a recluse whose only joy in life is a drug or continually running away from my problems. Blah.

greenteababe

sorry didn't see this. yea I need to rejoin. idk why it's so hard for me to do this lol. I've either completely relied on a relationship to bring me happiness or drugs. and when I don't have either of those I isolate myself, and the only thing I look fwd to is a high and I hate being around people.

MIRecovery

I like AA for a lot of reasons but one of them is rejoining the human race with fun loving people who don't drink

Bellamiaa

I like staying home by myself. I actually love it. And there's nothing wrong with that. Especially when you're trying to stop using. Don't tempt yourself. Stay home and get to know yourself again, sober. People are different, obviously, so one persons plan can be totally different from another's.
xo

Bellamiaa

I also tried AA. I too said I don't drink as much as them. So I went once and never went back. I'm not saying it's wrong. Just wrong for me.

greenteababe

I don't hate hate being around people. It's just weird doing it without any help from drugs. like stepping into cold water or something. i don't know. I was also diagnosed w bipolar last year and I've been hiding that for like, a long time. I've been by myself a longggg time. lol I guess it's good to get to know myself without denial or anything though.

Bellamiaa

I don't hate it either. I used to go out a lot! It is weird when everyone is drinking and you're not. But I definitely would not force myself to go out if I didn't feel ready. That will only end bad.

teatreeoil007

The thought of "forcing" yourself to do something in hopes that you will eventually like it? Well, hmmm. That may not be the best solution for some things. I mean, you gotta listen to yourself and AA/NA is not the only way to stay clean and sober. I know hundreds of people who have quit drugs/alcohol through other means/methods. I mean, yeah, I know there ARE certain things we gotta do and we do 'em because to NOT do them comes with consequences we'd just as soon not have. And, sometimes people are FORCED into recovery not because they want to but because they are forced to or court ordered to. I really do believe a person needs to do it for their self and that they will end up the happiest that way. Frankly, there are times when I am just sick and tired of people and I want and need some SOLITUDE or I*don't*do*well.

greenteababe

Yeah that's true. Well I semi forced myself to go to a club and I didn't have a single drink other than a shirley temple. haha. I ran outside to smoke and hide from people after an hour and a half or so and left early but that's a good step.

sg1970

I'm having to find my place as well. I need balance. Some "healthy" alone time and some people time. By healthy alone time I mean gardening, walking, etc... rather than sitting around having a pity party or something. It is tough to adjust when alcohol or drugs played such a huge roll in our lives. A lot of the things I enjoyed doing were because of the high like you mentioned. Now, after 35 years of that, I see no reason to go to those places or do those things sober. Certain places or people are more annoying than they are fun. Perhaps you can find a good balance.

aasharon90

Living a life in recovery is an on going
learning process. Today with 25 yrs
sober, I am still wanting to learn new
ways to enjoy myself, keep myself
involved with something that's not
related to poison or poisonous/
toxic people.

In the beginning I had my little family,
my children to focus on each and every
day as a stay at home mom. When they
got of age, I picked up a few little part
time jobs just to be around people for
a little while before returning home.

For the most part I enjoyed times I
had the house to myself if kids went
off on band trips with their dad as a
chapparone. Quiet or having the run
of the house for me.

Also in the beginning as I was building
my strong solid recovery foundation to
live upon I went to many many meetings
as my life depended on it. I picked up my
recovery program in a 28 day rehab facitlity
on a family intervention, then from there
I became responsible for me and my own
recovery doing whatever I needed and wanted
to do to stay sober one day at a time.

Learning from many other sober members
how they stay sober each day for long periods
of time was what I opened my ears, mind and
heart to.

I got what I needed from them and returned
home to family and worked my little jobs,
cleaning a few bachelor apartments and
a family and then customer service with
cart pick up at a grocery store.

The first job was a lonely physical job
which I didn't mind because when I
finished to walk out the door, I turned
to see the results of a well done job I
did for another which was totally satisfying.

The second job was also very physical,
which allowed me to look at it as they
were paying me to exercise instead of
going to a gym.

I loved as still love being outdoors to
work. I never wanted to be inside as
a cashier, and would bag, help customers
load their groceries and round up baskets
for the time I was there. Always seeing
my wonderful customers that made my
day.

I always found that doing something
helpful for others is absolutely rewarding
in recovery and life. I baked for all my
meetings I attended which allowed me
to be responsible to show up, suit up
and with wiliness, openmindedness I
was ready to absorb helpful information
to take with me for the rest of the day.

Today, im retired with my husband of
7 yrs, living sober still in recovery enjoying
our time with each other. We love to run
to our favorite stores to pick up items for
the yard, house, food which gives us a little
time to see our favorite clerks we love as
they see us often.

We get what we need and head back home
to our comfort zone, home with an awesome
backyard filled with many colorful flowers
blooming this time of the year.

Physical work to allow us to enjoy what
we work so hard for delivering us the
beauty of color, visits from our fine feathers
friends of many species, butterflies.....I mean
how can we not call our home a garden
of pardise.

Its ours to enjoy, appreciate, admire,
away from the crowds, poisons, toxic
people, places and things. Solitude,
peace, serenity, all which are rewards
for working hard and living our life in
recovery filled with steps, faith and
principles to guide us each step of the
way.

I come here to SR everyday remaining
connected to share my own ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes with many I may never
set eyes on, yet I feel like SR as my recovery
family filled with so many members who
related to me and I to them in the spirit of recovery.

MIRecovery

To me sobriety is about creating the life i want not the life I'm comfortable with. If i stay inside of my comfort zone I'm not growing and if I'm not growing I'm moving backwards.

When my daughter died I had a very strong sober network and thank God I did because without them I doubt I wood have made it

I discovered the time to have close friends in sobriety is before you need them

Astro

A lot of good information and thoughts for you to consider, greeenteababe.

A decade of sobriety has shown me how to enjoy and appreciate life, to function somewhat normally, to have a career I'm proud of. I've become the husband, father, and grandfather I always wanted to be. There's nothing I enjoy more than hanging out peacefully at home or getting into the great outdoors for camping and fishing.

But......I never stray too far from my recovery family, and I make a point of sticking with service commitments and staying connected to my local AA club. I've never forgotten that they saved my life, and it's my responsibility to pass that same caring along to other newcomers in recovery.

Take some time to find what works best for you and what your comfort level is, and to learn how to live life "on life's terms".

talldude

I began drinking when I was a teenager. We had no intention of drinking. We had other activities that we did together and enjoyed chillin with each other. I liked being around those people because they were friends.

After a year or so, members of our little group began drinking until almost all of us were drinking. And wouldn't you know it, we soon stopped hanging out with each other.

I always prided myself on being able to go to parties and form a quick and powerful connection with a complete stranger, even someone I had absolutely nothing in common with. Of course, we were both either getting drunk or getting high; so it was quite...easy. lol

Eventually, I got to the point where people would "bring me down" from my drunk or my high, and that's when I began hating people even though I didn't realize it at the time. I really appreciate the quote: "Isolation is alcohol's greatest ally; it splits us from the herd and then kills us." Alcohol did a good job of that, but I gotta hand it to the drugs: they really put me deep inside of myself to where I had no use for people whatsoever.

I've been sober just about 6 weeks, and I don't want to be around people at all. I have no idea how to make friends with throwing down beers or doing drugs. I'm not letting it get me down though. I have gotten back into doing activities I enjoy although none of them except the Aikido class involve being around other people.

I feel like I'm holding on to old drinking/drug friendships even in my sober state. I know it's unhealthy and wrong, but it's where I'm at right now.

greenteababe

yea i'm not sure how long i've hated being around people/repressed it because of how uncomfortable and shy i was. i started being happy again when i'd get into a relationship because that'd give me a boost of confidence and normalcy but then it'd surface again, and i'd cover it up. i actually had good ...fulfilling convos with ppl last night without anything! all my myself, and i didn't want to run and cry. yay lol

dox

greenteababe,

A fellow bipolar AA member's thoughts and experience:

I didn't feel ready to re-join the human race until I went through the 12 steps with a sponsor.
After that it was much easier.

I soon got a job where I deal with people all day.
Most days, I love it.

My previous employments were mostly about machines.
People seemed to be the problem there.
The negative aspects of those jobs were all to do with how I related to people.

When I went through the steps, my sponsor was very patient with me.
I stalled for a while a quarter of the way through . . .
until my life of abstinence became unbearable -- relating to people again.

All the promises, associated with working the 12 steps, come true -- in my experience.
If you haven't' started them, why not?

Bekindalways

MIrecovery I like this >>>>> "To me sobriety is about creating the life i want not the life I'm comfortable with.".

I'm from the codie/depressive side of the human disaster and struggle to get myself out and involved with people quite a bit. Sometimes solitude is my drug of choice and then it just takes me down.

Teatree made good counterpoint >>>>, "The thought of "forcing" yourself to do something in hopes that you will eventually like it? Well, hmmm. That may not be the best solution for some things. I mean, you gotta listen to yourself "

There must be a healthy balance somewhere between getting out of your comfort zone while at the same time listening to your feelings and needs.

Let us know how any other socializing experiments go for you GTB!

Bellamiaa

I love everything about this post!!!