mysweetnic

Sometimes I just wake down. Idk y. But it is hard to kick. I recently have this feeling that I have damaged so many relationships with my anger
Or depression that not a soul will show to my funeral. Sounds like a morbid thought but my mind keeps wandering back to it.

I know I can't control others but I find myself trying to, then getting upset about it, then feeling depressed over the whole thing.

I have alienated so many people. I always blamed everyone else but I know it really is me misdirecting anger and trying to control everything. Always overreacting.

I alienated my whole old church.
I alienated my mother (she tries mending it but I believe some of the damage can't be undone.)
I think my 16 year old daughter could take of leave me and is just going thru the motions til she moves out.

Any advice on any of this would be much loved❌⭕️

chicory

Hi there. I'm sorry that you are struggling. I can relate.

It sounds like you cannot figure out how to make changes which might help. Have you considered counselling? I find it can be very helpful to get another perspective on things.

nothing changes if nothing changes, as they say.

best wishes...

mysweetnic

yea. I am definately working on it. I think getting sober and staying sober is the first change I need. And just admitting any of this is a big step for me. I have actually considered some counseling. Ty for the encouragement.

Soberwolf

Have you spoke to a Dr about possible therapy I done group therapy & CBT

Misssy2

Baby steps....go back to church.....let your mother "try".
Be more open....easier said than done...but you will feel better the less you isolate. Stop punishing yourself....you deserve to be happy.

If people are bringing up your past...stick up for yourself and tell them you chose to forget the past and to live in the moment.....

I have isolated myself too. Now a holiday is coming and everyone wants participation. I have told my family that I do not know how I will feel on that day and that I can not run around trying to please others. I came to a solution for the holiday that suits me! It feels selfish...but finding what works for US without feeling selfish is the key to our everlasting salvation.

Even if you don't want to go to church or see people...go for YOU....say your not feeling well.....if you don't want to talk...nice to see you and move away. Have a quick lunch with your Mom..just make sure you set the boundary and tell her you have something to do at a certain time so you have a planned escape. BABY steps back to living.

mysweetnic

wonderful and much needed advice.

Bekindalways

Hey there Mysweetnic, I agree with you that this is big. Everyday you live sober adds a bit. With some folks, the depression fades with recovery. Unfortunately, I'm a chronic depressive but I have found more tools to deal with it with time.

As far as the relationships, try to stay open and give it all time.

yankeesfan02

I'm repeating what others have said here because I feel it's important..... Take and accept baby steps.
I'm in a very similar situation in dealing with a second DUI and severe long-term depression.
I'm starting to see a therapist this week. Often I catch myself expecting too much too soon. The damage I have done will take years to even begin to start being repaired and that's difficult to deal with.
So staying sober is the first step. Keep your head up and God Bless.....