My name is Tammy, and I have an AV, but it doesn't have me!
Galatians 5:13
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Tampa Bay
Posts: 329
My name is Tammy, and I have an AV, but it doesn't have me!
I use to frequent SR back when I was contemplating sobriety and then actually making my Big Plan. I forgot how much I enjoy the SR community. It is really nice to see old e-friends staying the course and continuing to help others.
I read an old blog this morning that I posted around October 2012. It was a joy reliving the decision to make my Big Plan. As I read it, I wondered if it might be of any help to someone else.
Here is the post:
Our brains (or minds), I have discovered can be both, friend and foe. While actively drinking and knowing I had a problem, but still focused on controlling my drinking, not quitting, just controlling, my own mind acted crazy. By crazy I mean it had a double personality. I had a human brain that was my friend and spoke to me with my true voice. I also had a booze brain that was my foe and would harmfully manipulate me.
I discovered I had these two brains, these two personalities over a course of about 15 years of abusing alcohol. I'd wake up with regrets from the night before and I was certain I would not drink alcohol all day and maybe not even tomorrow, heck I should abstain until at least Friday. More importantly, I would think, let's just not drink today.
My human brain, my true personality, was a friend in the morning. A friend who had the resolve and discipline of a multi medal Olympian! I knew what I needed and I was going to make sure I behaved and didn't put alcohol in my body no matter what!
On that very same day, I never knew the hour, but my brain would inevitably become my foe. Sometimes by 10:00 AM, but always by 4:00 or 5:00 PM my booze brain was busy strategizing about where it would get a glass of wine. It was mystical how my human brain's resolve of abstinence wouldn't even surface to a conscious level once my booze brain’s personality took over.
It was a constant battle between the two personalities. My mornings were full of clarity with my human brain fully engaged and then came the afternoons where my booze brain took over and just wanted its alcohol.
Example of a Typical Day
If I did make it to Applebee’s - one bottle of wine at the store never sounded like enough. My booze brain would have a much easier time convincing me after a couple glasses of wine that one bottle would not do. Once I had wine in me, I was consistently obedient to my booze brain.
My drinking was out of control and I felt helpless to do anything about it. I had these two brains, these two competing thought-networks and the booze brain was winning. By a miracle it seems I discovered Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT). I read about it with a palpitating heart. I was excited. AVRT made so much sense to me. It described what I had been going through.
As exciting as AVRT was on paper, I would still only contemplate about it over a bottle of chardonnay. I kept reading the same things about AVRT, as if the fifth or sixth time would magically sink in and put some action behind my excitement. I became more and more convinced I needed to make a Big Plan! My booze brain, my Addictive Voice (AV), was not going to control my human brain any longer.
I made my Big Plan; well I made plans to make my Big Plan. I targeted my day. It was going to be Monday, August 27, 2012. "Let's do this!” my human brain would sing. "Let's do it!" I made this plan around the Thursday before that Monday. I didn't recklessly drink with abandon until then, but I did drink a lot and guilt free since my Big Plan was going to start on Monday.
On Monday morning, I woke early to think through my Big Plan and read some more about AVRT. So the day began. I would hear my AV (my booze brain) and would stop it in its tracks. I would say, "I don't drink any more and I am NEVER changing my mind." I would also tell my booze brain, "even though I feel a little anxious about that statement, I know that anxiety is you too, so shut up, the answer is NO!" Then I would focus on healthy thoughts and move on with my day. I got through that first day relatively easy.
The more I got to know my AV and quickly recognize it, the more I would try and make my AV out to be this awful, mean, evil beast that lived outside of me. I am a Christian so at one point I thought, my AV must be SATAN. Yes, it must be Satan. But, I quickly realized that thinking my AV was anything but me, was also my AV trying to manipulate me.
As much as I don’t like it, I have learned my Addictive Voice is still me. It isn't Satan, it isn't anyone else. It is a part of me. Luckily, I still have my true voice too. With no anxiety whatsoever, I can tell any cunning angle my AV wants to come at me with, "I don't drink any more and I am NEVER going to change my mind."
Tomorrow, I will be 8 weeks sober and I have discovered that it gets easier. It gets easier recognizing my AV and telling it "No!" With every 'no' my true voice's dominance increases. Now when I say, "I don't drink any more and I am NEVER going to change my mind," it feels good and powerful. I no longer feel anxious or scared - I feel strong. I feel confident. I look to the future with renewed freshness. I feel a purpose driven life again.
My name is Tammy, and I have an AV, but it doesn't have me!
--
Source: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-have-me.html
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I read an old blog this morning that I posted around October 2012. It was a joy reliving the decision to make my Big Plan. As I read it, I wondered if it might be of any help to someone else.
Here is the post:
Our brains (or minds), I have discovered can be both, friend and foe. While actively drinking and knowing I had a problem, but still focused on controlling my drinking, not quitting, just controlling, my own mind acted crazy. By crazy I mean it had a double personality. I had a human brain that was my friend and spoke to me with my true voice. I also had a booze brain that was my foe and would harmfully manipulate me.
I discovered I had these two brains, these two personalities over a course of about 15 years of abusing alcohol. I'd wake up with regrets from the night before and I was certain I would not drink alcohol all day and maybe not even tomorrow, heck I should abstain until at least Friday. More importantly, I would think, let's just not drink today.
My human brain, my true personality, was a friend in the morning. A friend who had the resolve and discipline of a multi medal Olympian! I knew what I needed and I was going to make sure I behaved and didn't put alcohol in my body no matter what!
On that very same day, I never knew the hour, but my brain would inevitably become my foe. Sometimes by 10:00 AM, but always by 4:00 or 5:00 PM my booze brain was busy strategizing about where it would get a glass of wine. It was mystical how my human brain's resolve of abstinence wouldn't even surface to a conscious level once my booze brain’s personality took over.
It was a constant battle between the two personalities. My mornings were full of clarity with my human brain fully engaged and then came the afternoons where my booze brain took over and just wanted its alcohol.
Example of a Typical Day
After my morning promises of no alcohol, at some point during the work day, my booze brain would shift into gear and say, "Perhaps on the way home let’s stop at Applebee’s and just have 2 glasses - nothing more. It’s been a stressful day.” If my human brain pushed back at all, my booze brain would be careful and cunning and let a little time pass before saying, "let’s stop at the grocery store to pick up a nice piece of salmon or grouper to grill tonight. Also grab ingredients for a green salad." Both my human brain and booze brain knew that grilled fish went swimmingly (no pun intended) with chardonnay!
How could I resist? A nice nutritious dinner would be so good for me and I will only buy one bottle of chardonnay. I might not even drink the whole thing.
My booze brain, as stated above, was a master at being manipulative and harmful. Once I had the grocery shopping idea locked in, it would say, "Applebee’s is right next to the grocery store. Let's stop in and say hi to everyone, have a glass and then hit the grocery store."
This was a typical afternoon during the work week. Oftentimes I would end up at Applebee’s for 2 glasses and then to the grocery store. On some occasions, however, depending on who was at the bar and how much fun I was having - I'd be there for 2 - 4 hours! On those days, I'd never remember driving home or going to bed. If I did make it to Applebee’s - one bottle of wine at the store never sounded like enough. My booze brain would have a much easier time convincing me after a couple glasses of wine that one bottle would not do. Once I had wine in me, I was consistently obedient to my booze brain.
My drinking was out of control and I felt helpless to do anything about it. I had these two brains, these two competing thought-networks and the booze brain was winning. By a miracle it seems I discovered Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT). I read about it with a palpitating heart. I was excited. AVRT made so much sense to me. It described what I had been going through.
As exciting as AVRT was on paper, I would still only contemplate about it over a bottle of chardonnay. I kept reading the same things about AVRT, as if the fifth or sixth time would magically sink in and put some action behind my excitement. I became more and more convinced I needed to make a Big Plan! My booze brain, my Addictive Voice (AV), was not going to control my human brain any longer.
I made my Big Plan; well I made plans to make my Big Plan. I targeted my day. It was going to be Monday, August 27, 2012. "Let's do this!” my human brain would sing. "Let's do it!" I made this plan around the Thursday before that Monday. I didn't recklessly drink with abandon until then, but I did drink a lot and guilt free since my Big Plan was going to start on Monday.
On Monday morning, I woke early to think through my Big Plan and read some more about AVRT. So the day began. I would hear my AV (my booze brain) and would stop it in its tracks. I would say, "I don't drink any more and I am NEVER changing my mind." I would also tell my booze brain, "even though I feel a little anxious about that statement, I know that anxiety is you too, so shut up, the answer is NO!" Then I would focus on healthy thoughts and move on with my day. I got through that first day relatively easy.
The more I got to know my AV and quickly recognize it, the more I would try and make my AV out to be this awful, mean, evil beast that lived outside of me. I am a Christian so at one point I thought, my AV must be SATAN. Yes, it must be Satan. But, I quickly realized that thinking my AV was anything but me, was also my AV trying to manipulate me.
As much as I don’t like it, I have learned my Addictive Voice is still me. It isn't Satan, it isn't anyone else. It is a part of me. Luckily, I still have my true voice too. With no anxiety whatsoever, I can tell any cunning angle my AV wants to come at me with, "I don't drink any more and I am NEVER going to change my mind."
Tomorrow, I will be 8 weeks sober and I have discovered that it gets easier. It gets easier recognizing my AV and telling it "No!" With every 'no' my true voice's dominance increases. Now when I say, "I don't drink any more and I am NEVER going to change my mind," it feels good and powerful. I no longer feel anxious or scared - I feel strong. I feel confident. I look to the future with renewed freshness. I feel a purpose driven life again.
My name is Tammy, and I have an AV, but it doesn't have me!
--
Source: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-have-me.html
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