...positive outlook
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
...positive outlook
welp having fallen into a not too random pattern of not using for coupla' weeks then justifying 'a little won't hurt' only to binge, regret etc
i'm trying sumpthin different
today i am grateful for
it's almost the holidays and i'm +a week clean
actually have means to purchase a few gifts for those who continue to morally support me despite my track record
to have a decent job
a coupla' friends who i'm comfortable enough to confide in
having been given several spiritually based books that have not only read but have inspired me
my apparently indestructable car
a nice place to stay with good friends *actual Chrismas decorations set up* and a wonderful fireplace that we spend at least part of the evenings hanging out chatting in front of
two nosy cats that'll chill with me
an unexpected positive outlook
2016 is just days away and i couldn't be more relieved
thx =^.^=
i'm trying sumpthin different
today i am grateful for
it's almost the holidays and i'm +a week clean
actually have means to purchase a few gifts for those who continue to morally support me despite my track record
to have a decent job
a coupla' friends who i'm comfortable enough to confide in
having been given several spiritually based books that have not only read but have inspired me
my apparently indestructable car
a nice place to stay with good friends *actual Chrismas decorations set up* and a wonderful fireplace that we spend at least part of the evenings hanging out chatting in front of
two nosy cats that'll chill with me
an unexpected positive outlook
2016 is just days away and i couldn't be more relieved
thx =^.^=
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
less than 4 hours after posting, used
savagely, ugh close encounter with law enforcement, basically was robbed while too high to think clearly...
now i'm 30something hours clean *again*
ha now gots the flu 0_o
eh grateful for that...
dear God i'm a mess
savagely, ugh close encounter with law enforcement, basically was robbed while too high to think clearly...
now i'm 30something hours clean *again*
ha now gots the flu 0_o
eh grateful for that...
dear God i'm a mess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
48 hours sober
gosh my gratituity list above has been desimated
Nine Inch Nails live on earbuds while wander digitally at public library
MST3K DVD to check out for this evening
an acceptable job offer today, my urine would be a dealbreaker soes trying to find something temporary until system clears...
grateful anyway as opposed to the scrambled mess of two days ago
cunning and baffling indead
*indeed but somehow that mistype seemed perfect*
gosh my gratituity list above has been desimated
Nine Inch Nails live on earbuds while wander digitally at public library
MST3K DVD to check out for this evening
an acceptable job offer today, my urine would be a dealbreaker soes trying to find something temporary until system clears...
grateful anyway as opposed to the scrambled mess of two days ago
cunning and baffling indead
*indeed but somehow that mistype seemed perfect*
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
8th CONSECUTIVE day clean, passed a drug test for employment yesterday
a definitive moment this past friday afternoon 4thish day no longer using i exchanged text and calls with my former fiancee regarding her car *blown transmission yadda yadda yadda* upon getting there wasn't long before she broke out the pipe as enticement for me to make a miracle happen, not easily done as a junkyard tranny would be +500 dollars and the parking lot of an apartment complex semi impossible environment to swap Camry front-wheel drive yadda yadda yadda... Point being anyway is she attempted sway my REALITY based decision of the pointlessness of this endeavor. i also saw in absolute techicolor the savage face of addiction with this once beautiful articulate radiant soul reduced to haggard emaciated open sores on her face, terribly swollen left hand from shooting and a cell phone exploding from potential 'dates' and her latest man looming in the shadows watching our interaction. Reality swept me as we sat briefly on her patio and i questioned her 'happiness', the legitimacy of the relationship we once shared and truthfulness as to how much longer living this way could be possible
there's been a joke on FB bout 'if I'M the voice of sanity, we ARE in some serious sh*t'...
Grateful ?
Grateful i CHOSE not to take the bait
Grateful i am still clean today
Grateful my life has increasing value
Grateful treatment and meetings did teach me you can take your life back, start any day over at any time
Grateful for a coupla friends and family members who've chosen to help me stabilize my life
Grateful for the courage to attend Church even if alone this sunday
Grateful that a new job IS on the horizon
Grateful for a quiet sane place to stay
as for the afternoon with Cris, apparently at some point we both got up and walked away from each other without finishing the thought let alone the conversation
life goes on...
thanks for reading
=^.^=
a definitive moment this past friday afternoon 4thish day no longer using i exchanged text and calls with my former fiancee regarding her car *blown transmission yadda yadda yadda* upon getting there wasn't long before she broke out the pipe as enticement for me to make a miracle happen, not easily done as a junkyard tranny would be +500 dollars and the parking lot of an apartment complex semi impossible environment to swap Camry front-wheel drive yadda yadda yadda... Point being anyway is she attempted sway my REALITY based decision of the pointlessness of this endeavor. i also saw in absolute techicolor the savage face of addiction with this once beautiful articulate radiant soul reduced to haggard emaciated open sores on her face, terribly swollen left hand from shooting and a cell phone exploding from potential 'dates' and her latest man looming in the shadows watching our interaction. Reality swept me as we sat briefly on her patio and i questioned her 'happiness', the legitimacy of the relationship we once shared and truthfulness as to how much longer living this way could be possible
there's been a joke on FB bout 'if I'M the voice of sanity, we ARE in some serious sh*t'...
Grateful ?
Grateful i CHOSE not to take the bait
Grateful i am still clean today
Grateful my life has increasing value
Grateful treatment and meetings did teach me you can take your life back, start any day over at any time
Grateful for a coupla friends and family members who've chosen to help me stabilize my life
Grateful for the courage to attend Church even if alone this sunday
Grateful that a new job IS on the horizon
Grateful for a quiet sane place to stay
as for the afternoon with Cris, apparently at some point we both got up and walked away from each other without finishing the thought let alone the conversation
life goes on...
thanks for reading
=^.^=
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
feb 2nd remains new sobriety date
been reading Harry Haroutunian's brilliant book BEING SOBER relentlessly
there's a great chapter that suggest exchanging self-pity for gratuity even in the unpleasant things...
perfect example, upon loosing my smart phone due intoxication i've been relegated to public library for internet access
then reality turned, this library has become an oasis in what could be an increasingly chaotic life now instead with me happily logging on for healthy things like job searches, reaching out to friends and associates who've managed ongoing sobriety, social services etc. No longer the my worn out role as a victim of myself
i keep a tight schedule of proper eating and sleep, hygiene etc. my extended 'free time' spent reading, watching classic movies and reconnecting with my guitar also a great deal of time spent on household chores basically earning my keep at the place i'm currently staying
and grateful for the personal life crash that put me in this position as honestly i'd continue the sad balancing act of work paid binge rinse repeat if not driven to such humble circumstances
indeed grateful y'all
=^.^=
been reading Harry Haroutunian's brilliant book BEING SOBER relentlessly
there's a great chapter that suggest exchanging self-pity for gratuity even in the unpleasant things...
perfect example, upon loosing my smart phone due intoxication i've been relegated to public library for internet access
then reality turned, this library has become an oasis in what could be an increasingly chaotic life now instead with me happily logging on for healthy things like job searches, reaching out to friends and associates who've managed ongoing sobriety, social services etc. No longer the my worn out role as a victim of myself
i keep a tight schedule of proper eating and sleep, hygiene etc. my extended 'free time' spent reading, watching classic movies and reconnecting with my guitar also a great deal of time spent on household chores basically earning my keep at the place i'm currently staying
and grateful for the personal life crash that put me in this position as honestly i'd continue the sad balancing act of work paid binge rinse repeat if not driven to such humble circumstances
indeed grateful y'all
=^.^=
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
10th day
DOUBLE DIGITS Y'ALL
tracked down my most recent sponsor last night at an AA meeting somehow struck up an immediate friendship with a new guy on the circuit who had the same DOC, He apparently has more clean time than myself but conversation afterwards and subsequent texting since has given me someone new to talk to.
i need that as i'm pretty much alone since no longer seeking drugs and previous friendships have faded...
the next right things
that's it
=^.^=
DOUBLE DIGITS Y'ALL
tracked down my most recent sponsor last night at an AA meeting somehow struck up an immediate friendship with a new guy on the circuit who had the same DOC, He apparently has more clean time than myself but conversation afterwards and subsequent texting since has given me someone new to talk to.
i need that as i'm pretty much alone since no longer seeking drugs and previous friendships have faded...
the next right things
that's it
=^.^=
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
again drug tested for an absolutely perfect job today
11th day clean, according to WEBMD i just barely made it under the wire for a DOT based test. i'd met briefly with the shop foreman for related paperwork this morning he seemed excited to have someone with my level of heavy equipment and industrial experience about to join his team.
Turning points, hardcore addicts like myself beg for them in the twilight between intoxication and sobriety. Mine's here, parents were both excited and relieved when i told them i'd been considered for a better job than i've had these last coupla years.
Next right thing again...
sit tight, make more meetings, increase the sobriety network. Jim, my most recently abandoned sponsor was so glad to see me weds night and as usual had a book to pass along to me.
Grateful for...
coming to library to post instead of using, post test 'celebration'
*didn't just occur to me but raged till i called a friend*
a miracle influx of some cash that made it possible to make extension payments on musical instruments pawned duh jan 2nd
stability in day to day actions
an honest desire to forgive and move on
*resentment does indeed play a part in my own continued usage*
books, movies and music, all things i'd completely forget about when strung out now my most prized possessions
another beautiful day
thanks for reading =^.^=
11th day clean, according to WEBMD i just barely made it under the wire for a DOT based test. i'd met briefly with the shop foreman for related paperwork this morning he seemed excited to have someone with my level of heavy equipment and industrial experience about to join his team.
Turning points, hardcore addicts like myself beg for them in the twilight between intoxication and sobriety. Mine's here, parents were both excited and relieved when i told them i'd been considered for a better job than i've had these last coupla years.
Next right thing again...
sit tight, make more meetings, increase the sobriety network. Jim, my most recently abandoned sponsor was so glad to see me weds night and as usual had a book to pass along to me.
Grateful for...
coming to library to post instead of using, post test 'celebration'
*didn't just occur to me but raged till i called a friend*
a miracle influx of some cash that made it possible to make extension payments on musical instruments pawned duh jan 2nd
stability in day to day actions
an honest desire to forgive and move on
*resentment does indeed play a part in my own continued usage*
books, movies and music, all things i'd completely forget about when strung out now my most prized possessions
another beautiful day
thanks for reading =^.^=
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
7th day...
working a true program now with prolly more dedication than when was in treatment
there's no one to hold my hand this time
there are some who'll respond should i reach out tho
i can't do this alone
never could
it's simple
=^.^=
working a true program now with prolly more dedication than when was in treatment
there's no one to hold my hand this time
there are some who'll respond should i reach out tho
i can't do this alone
never could
it's simple
=^.^=
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