Don't believe myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Bristol
Posts: 12
Don't believe myself
I'm not even sure if I should try stopping drinking AGAIN.... I've tried it so many times, and went back to the usual.
Days, weeks...once over six months went sober and in the end I opted out of that Sobriety pretty much consciously because the new sober life was boring, dull and too real with nothing exciting me.
I know all the bad it brings oh I know it all so well, but if I stop ... what if I again won't enjoy it, I won't like the 'new' me (everyone on here says how great it is being 'new' them well, it's not the case with me). And in the end I only will dislike myself more for breaking the promise given to myself again and again and again....
Days, weeks...once over six months went sober and in the end I opted out of that Sobriety pretty much consciously because the new sober life was boring, dull and too real with nothing exciting me.
I know all the bad it brings oh I know it all so well, but if I stop ... what if I again won't enjoy it, I won't like the 'new' me (everyone on here says how great it is being 'new' them well, it's not the case with me). And in the end I only will dislike myself more for breaking the promise given to myself again and again and again....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi Desultory - welcome 
It took me a few months to really start to appreciate the benefits of getting sober and staying that way - I had 20 years of bad drinking karma to work through....
when you stopped before, how long did you stop for?
Did you make any other changes besides not drinking?
D
It took me a few months to really start to appreciate the benefits of getting sober and staying that way - I had 20 years of bad drinking karma to work through....
when you stopped before, how long did you stop for?
Did you make any other changes besides not drinking?
D
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome Delsutory. I'm pretty new to this, just over 90 days sober. What I can tell you is that sobriety is not going to solve all your problems. But what I also can tell you is there's hope to solve them in sobriety. While actively drinking your not working on solving them, just numbing them and pushing them to the side. It's going to be a long process,I know that. But as I said, there's HOPE.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: U.S.
Posts: 71
I've found that I can have a lot of fun by being sober. I still love to go and see live music and local bands perform. In the past, that would always involve me consuming lots of alcohol and not remembering much. However, now when I go out, I just get some iced tea so I have a beverage in my hand that I can keep sipping. I love how I'm able to comfortably enjoy the music in that scenario and not suffer all the consequences that alcohol would have added into the mix.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Bristol
Posts: 12
Thanks so much for replies!
Two years ago (exactly, mid December) I just (for no particular reason) stopped for six months, surely that's long enough! Apart from drinking alcohol I gave up smoking as well. I can't remember much of struggle doing that. Just took one day at time and got through except for tiny sip of my mum's baileys drink I I managed even all the festive period fine. Then months went by but I felt constantly "down".
Attempted to cheer myself up by going on a date (thinking I was "ready") but it was only my first relapse which the following day led to a total defeat....
Then constant attempts to stop (from a day to a week long) and more I do it, failing inevitably, less I believe myself. The new scary thing is that, having admitted to myself recently I'm in trouble, I only try and avoid people, stay home most of the time so they don't see..... and I can carry on.
So now when I stop I know it's only a question of time "when" I'd go back to the usual...no faith in myself whatsoever.
Two years ago (exactly, mid December) I just (for no particular reason) stopped for six months, surely that's long enough! Apart from drinking alcohol I gave up smoking as well. I can't remember much of struggle doing that. Just took one day at time and got through except for tiny sip of my mum's baileys drink I I managed even all the festive period fine. Then months went by but I felt constantly "down".
Attempted to cheer myself up by going on a date (thinking I was "ready") but it was only my first relapse which the following day led to a total defeat....
Then constant attempts to stop (from a day to a week long) and more I do it, failing inevitably, less I believe myself. The new scary thing is that, having admitted to myself recently I'm in trouble, I only try and avoid people, stay home most of the time so they don't see..... and I can carry on.
So now when I stop I know it's only a question of time "when" I'd go back to the usual...no faith in myself whatsoever.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Desultory 
the new sober life was boring, dull and too real with nothing exciting me.
I was only fooling myself.
MB
se·ren·i·ty
/səˈrenədē/
noun
noun: serenity
the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.
"an oasis of serenity amidst the bustling city"
•a title given to a reigning prince or similar dignitary.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
There's so much more you need to do in sobriety than just stopping drinking or smoking. Stopping gives you the ability to work on the other issues. But you then need to actively work on them. Are you doing anything there?
It might mean seeing a therapist. I'm not in AA, but I strongly believe in the content of many of the steps of AA. You might try that.
It might mean seeing a therapist. I'm not in AA, but I strongly believe in the content of many of the steps of AA. You might try that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Bristol
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by jd1639
the other issues. But you then need to actively work on them.
In fact last few days I wasn't being just not replying, but reading this forum, the old posts on here..... it seems like it's ALL (like literally all!!) has already been lived before, nothing new! People before came across exactly same feelings, emotions, fears, anxiety, questions ....
No cure, just hope maybe, and someone to hold hand, so to say
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I'm glad you're here.
When I was in the worst of my drinking days, it should appeared to me that there was no hope on the horizon.
Then I checked into a treatment center and commenced doing what they taught me and I have had a remarkably full life ever since.
Some days are more challenging than others, but that is just a fact of life.
I wouldn't trade the life I have today for my drinking life.
For me, God and AA, in that order, have been the solution to my problematic life.
When I was in the worst of my drinking days, it should appeared to me that there was no hope on the horizon.
Then I checked into a treatment center and commenced doing what they taught me and I have had a remarkably full life ever since.
Some days are more challenging than others, but that is just a fact of life.
I wouldn't trade the life I have today for my drinking life.
For me, God and AA, in that order, have been the solution to my problematic life.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 237
Hi Desultory,
I can say for myself that addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful.
I tried to stop smoking cigarettes when i was 21/22, again at around 24, i think again when i was 27 in rehabilitation.
I didn't know that my harder drug and alcohol usage had taken their toll on my energy system.
My cigarette smoking is still with me.
For me, what has changed,
is that my conscience is coming back to me,
i am starting to have a relationship with myself,
i am more aware of my behaviour, through surrender and working / living the 12 step programme of recovery.
I have the knowledge and understanding that i have an addictive personality, "an obsession of the mind and a disease of the body."
"That one is too many, a thousand never enough"
---
knowledge and understanding of what i suffer with,
for me,
is the light / awareness and conscientiousness that replaces the active using / drinking.
A spiritual programme with the first three principles being honesty, open-mindedness and willingness.
Prayer is massive in my life,
as is 12 step literature reading
and having the ability to sit in a meeting and share, carrying on through the struggle, anxiety, nerves and panic attacks.
"we can only keep what we have by giving it away" --- hoping this may help you and other people.
Keep going mate.
I can say for myself that addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful.
I tried to stop smoking cigarettes when i was 21/22, again at around 24, i think again when i was 27 in rehabilitation.
I didn't know that my harder drug and alcohol usage had taken their toll on my energy system.
My cigarette smoking is still with me.
For me, what has changed,
is that my conscience is coming back to me,
i am starting to have a relationship with myself,
i am more aware of my behaviour, through surrender and working / living the 12 step programme of recovery.
I have the knowledge and understanding that i have an addictive personality, "an obsession of the mind and a disease of the body."
"That one is too many, a thousand never enough"
---
knowledge and understanding of what i suffer with,
for me,
is the light / awareness and conscientiousness that replaces the active using / drinking.
A spiritual programme with the first three principles being honesty, open-mindedness and willingness.
Prayer is massive in my life,
as is 12 step literature reading
and having the ability to sit in a meeting and share, carrying on through the struggle, anxiety, nerves and panic attacks.
"we can only keep what we have by giving it away" --- hoping this may help you and other people.
Keep going mate.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
I think you do have a point here >>>> "No cure, just hope maybe, and someone to hold hand, so to say"
However that communal hope is pretty powerful stuff when combined with a plan for recovery. As others have already said, just not drinking isn't enough. There are reasons behind the drinking and these have to be addressed. Folks in recovery for codependency have to do a similar Recovery as just staying away from addicts/alcoholics does not a recover make. (Hmmm . . . didn't mean to sound like Yoda on that last sentence!)
However that communal hope is pretty powerful stuff when combined with a plan for recovery. As others have already said, just not drinking isn't enough. There are reasons behind the drinking and these have to be addressed. Folks in recovery for codependency have to do a similar Recovery as just staying away from addicts/alcoholics does not a recover make. (Hmmm . . . didn't mean to sound like Yoda on that last sentence!)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: toledo, ohio
Posts: 94
Nothing really worked for me until I reached out and got involved. I met new people in my program and found people that were successful and close to my age and I sought them out and talked to them. I tried to get sober without any real support before and often I would just talk about getting sober. So I found two or three people in a unique local program called Racing for Recovery, I took to it because it attracted younger people and people my age that were serious about recovery. They were all hardcore runners, so I ran with them. I went to a couple events with them. I ran a half marathon with a few of them and just saw star wars with twelve of them. Life has been pretty interesting with these new friends I made the last year or so. I did a lot of things to sustain sobriety, but making new friends and being around that kind of support has been one of the best things to keep me pulled into the life of sobriety rather than pulled towards going back to drinking and trying to kill myself and being alone and insane. Sure there are times when I miss the mayhem too. But I've found that mayhem is just a way for me to control my feelings in a weird way. If i do this crazy thing and go through the week drunk and then hungover I don't have to really think very far about things and I can just reset and start over and never really get anywhere. But now I have gotten somewhere. I have really good friends, I'm going back to school, I'm keeping myself in shape, I'm not jumping into relationships that don;t work, i'm building real friendships and lasting relationships for the first time in my life really. These are all reasons to stay sober. If I just quit and didn't change all those other things I don't think I'd be sober right now. I'd be bored, lonely, depressed and my anxiety would be through the roof. It was totally out of character for me to aggressively meet people and make friends, but I'm glad I did because they are great friends that understand what I'm going through and are there to go through it with me.
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