I believed I was abused again..... :(
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 40
I believed I was abused again..... :(
My life is really stressful right now, I have so many things wrong with me. I wish I could stay at the hospital but so they could find out what's wrong with me and I'd be there laying there everyday and staying over night so they can do several tests on me. My health is at risk right now and my family think it's all in my head but I don't think I'm imagining it. They keep saying I'm coming up with new symptoms but I feel awful. If I end up dying, it's all in they're hands and they're fault for not listening to me. All of this started when I stopped taking Klonopin 0.5 mg and my doctor prescribed me something else when I told him how depressed I was once I got off of this drug but new things would happen and I believe I was withdrawing from it. I would get headaches, backaches, sensitive to light and sound, I'd get bladder infections anytime me and my boyfriend made love and nothing like this ever happened before. Before that I would get frequent urination. And that's what caused me to want to get off of the drug. Than when I smoked a cig which I ended up quitting, my hand would shake a lot. I was so happy when I started dating my new boyfriend and now he's no longer with me and I blame this on the medication. He told me that he couldn't handle my withdraws and my bladder infections that I kept getting. I really loved him a lot and cared for him and gave him a lot advice about his divorce, I helped him through things. Overtime though I began to realize that something was wrong with him, he got mad when I wanted to go home. I wanted to stay with him longer but I needed time to myself as well. After I went home it seemed like he punished me over the phone for wanting to go home early. He said several times that he wanted to date an adult woman who didn't listen to they're parents and he felt like he was dating a teenager cause my parents were still over protective of me cause I was abused before. I tried to get him to understand that but it didn't seem like he got that at all. I even told him this, anytime I wanted to be angry at him or shout at him, I held back cause I truly was scared on how he would react sometimes. He looked very intense at times, his moods would change on me. Like he went from loving me to almost hating me sometimes. When I went into the hospital to try to take care of myself, he said out loud, why does everyone leave me? Like he felt like I was going to abandon him or something.
I don't know if he has borderline personality disorder or he's a sociopath or what, I'm so confused. But I'll tell you what I know okay? I know he has a cat and his cat meowed a lot and I never saw him hit the cat or anything like that, but if the cat was noisy or loud inside the room, he took the cat outside the house and it ended up running away but coming back a few days later. He never verbal abused me or anything or hit me but he did give me the silent treatment sometimes. Once was cause he said he wanted sex from me and the other cause I went home early. I stayed at his house for like week and I wanted to go home so I could do things on my own. On Halloween we went to Halloween Horror Nights and we had fun but when I got sick and felt nausea off of a ride cause I took something for my bad stomach cause I had chronic diarrhea and took Imodium, well my stomach got a little upset when we got off the ride and at first he seemed very caring. However afterwards he seemed different and cold towards me. We walked through the haunted house and I kept looking back at him and he seemed like he was mad at me. But when I had a headache or didn't feel well at his house, he layed beside me and seemed very caring towards me. Now all the sudden he looked like he was somewhere else. After the ride was over, I wanted to go to more haunted houses and mentioned this to him and he's like I thought you were sick....and I said yeah but I feel better now. He seemed to lighten up a little bit and we went on more rides and things seemed fine but he still remained distant sometimes. But once we got at the house that's when he kept away from me and wouldn't cuddle with me during the night. I got really upset and cried, when we woke up he still wouldn't talk to me and took a shower and he said he wanted to talk to me but it would upset me, it felt like he was going to break up with me or something. I started sobbing really hard, but when we got back from his shower he seemed fine and cuddled next to me and we played this video game for a little bit. I'm thinking what just happened? Than I told him how angry I was and we ended up making love. I was angry cause I felt like my emotions were being toyed with and it was making me angry and frustrated, upset and sad. Cause I loved him and I didn't want to lose him.
He broke up with me 3 times total through out our entire relationship but he kept coming back to me and trying to explain to me how he was feeling. He told me he felt like he was bi-polar but I'm not entirely sure. There were times where he would sit on a chair and I would ask him if he was okay and he said "No, I'm in a very dark place right now." I tried to understand, I'm bi-polar and I get in dark places sometimes but he seemed like it was much more than that. He said if I seemed off or distant just give me awhile to get back and I said okay. In the back of my mind, I tried to think if he really had bi-polar or some other disorder but I'm not a doctor but I just tried to figure it out but I couldn't put my finger on it. He never verbal abused me or hit me, I would have left him if he did, but there was more to it. When he got drunk on the phone he said some pretty harsh things to me. Which lead to our 2nd break up, I don't get why he was always breaking up with me. He said he had a hard time trusting people, I know he burned himself in the past and I witnessed him hitting himself and I stopped him from doing so and I know he binge eats but he only did it every once in awhile. Deep down I was trying to get to know him, trying to figure him out cause I loved him and wanted to support him. Some people say I was abused and other people say he has some type of personality disorder and told me to stay away from him. On he phone with him once, I was acting really nice to him and talking to him and it seemed like he switched constantly on me. "Why are you being so nice to me huh?" Comments like, "I don't want to talk to you." back to...."I love talking to you." I'm like "Look I don't get you, you say you first how you love talking to me and how you want me to call you up even though were not dating cause you care deeply about me and now your saying you don't wanna talk to me?" "So which is it?" "Your confusing me." And he said Liz which is his ex wife said the same thing to him.
Lastly towards the end of us talking to one another, I told him I was trying to get out of the hospital cause I was worried for my health and I kept feeling like I was getting bit by something. I saw some bugs coming off of the bed and nobody in the hospital said they saw them. I told him this and he's like "Hmm I wonder what it is." and I told him I'm going to get checked out cause I feel like something is constantly biting me. Than towards he end he said he feels like something is biting him too..... *sighs* which really starts to bug me. I feel like I'm being lied too and manipulated by him. And he told me that I gave him scabies. And that I f-ing digust him....Do us both a favor and forget my number. I don't want you calling me anymore, I have nothing to say to you. Goodbye Sam. Enjoy your f-ed up life...... I didn't give him anything. Why would he say this? He said I was the last person he had sex with and that I gave it to him but I know I didn't give it to him. I first told him about that I was getting bit by something and than all the sudden he claims he's getting bit too. I have no idea what's going on or what type of person he is, but I'm so left confused, hurt & deeply depressed by all of this. I truly love him and supported him and now I feel like I'm being thrown away like a piece of trash. Towards the end he told me to go find someone else who will put up with my bladder infections and he see's no future for us anymore. How he loves being around me but he can't touch me cause he's afraid of giving him another bladder infection. Since I've been withdrawing from Klonopin it's making me extremely paranoid and thinking I have a STD and he said he's tired of me being so overally paranoid... so now I feel like everything is my fault cause of this stupid medication I took. I wonder if things would have been different if I didn't take it. Sorry for so long, but I had to get this out......
Please don't delete this post. And I please hope that this thread don't get ignored. I'm truly upset about this....
I don't know if he has borderline personality disorder or he's a sociopath or what, I'm so confused. But I'll tell you what I know okay? I know he has a cat and his cat meowed a lot and I never saw him hit the cat or anything like that, but if the cat was noisy or loud inside the room, he took the cat outside the house and it ended up running away but coming back a few days later. He never verbal abused me or anything or hit me but he did give me the silent treatment sometimes. Once was cause he said he wanted sex from me and the other cause I went home early. I stayed at his house for like week and I wanted to go home so I could do things on my own. On Halloween we went to Halloween Horror Nights and we had fun but when I got sick and felt nausea off of a ride cause I took something for my bad stomach cause I had chronic diarrhea and took Imodium, well my stomach got a little upset when we got off the ride and at first he seemed very caring. However afterwards he seemed different and cold towards me. We walked through the haunted house and I kept looking back at him and he seemed like he was mad at me. But when I had a headache or didn't feel well at his house, he layed beside me and seemed very caring towards me. Now all the sudden he looked like he was somewhere else. After the ride was over, I wanted to go to more haunted houses and mentioned this to him and he's like I thought you were sick....and I said yeah but I feel better now. He seemed to lighten up a little bit and we went on more rides and things seemed fine but he still remained distant sometimes. But once we got at the house that's when he kept away from me and wouldn't cuddle with me during the night. I got really upset and cried, when we woke up he still wouldn't talk to me and took a shower and he said he wanted to talk to me but it would upset me, it felt like he was going to break up with me or something. I started sobbing really hard, but when we got back from his shower he seemed fine and cuddled next to me and we played this video game for a little bit. I'm thinking what just happened? Than I told him how angry I was and we ended up making love. I was angry cause I felt like my emotions were being toyed with and it was making me angry and frustrated, upset and sad. Cause I loved him and I didn't want to lose him.
He broke up with me 3 times total through out our entire relationship but he kept coming back to me and trying to explain to me how he was feeling. He told me he felt like he was bi-polar but I'm not entirely sure. There were times where he would sit on a chair and I would ask him if he was okay and he said "No, I'm in a very dark place right now." I tried to understand, I'm bi-polar and I get in dark places sometimes but he seemed like it was much more than that. He said if I seemed off or distant just give me awhile to get back and I said okay. In the back of my mind, I tried to think if he really had bi-polar or some other disorder but I'm not a doctor but I just tried to figure it out but I couldn't put my finger on it. He never verbal abused me or hit me, I would have left him if he did, but there was more to it. When he got drunk on the phone he said some pretty harsh things to me. Which lead to our 2nd break up, I don't get why he was always breaking up with me. He said he had a hard time trusting people, I know he burned himself in the past and I witnessed him hitting himself and I stopped him from doing so and I know he binge eats but he only did it every once in awhile. Deep down I was trying to get to know him, trying to figure him out cause I loved him and wanted to support him. Some people say I was abused and other people say he has some type of personality disorder and told me to stay away from him. On he phone with him once, I was acting really nice to him and talking to him and it seemed like he switched constantly on me. "Why are you being so nice to me huh?" Comments like, "I don't want to talk to you." back to...."I love talking to you." I'm like "Look I don't get you, you say you first how you love talking to me and how you want me to call you up even though were not dating cause you care deeply about me and now your saying you don't wanna talk to me?" "So which is it?" "Your confusing me." And he said Liz which is his ex wife said the same thing to him.
Lastly towards the end of us talking to one another, I told him I was trying to get out of the hospital cause I was worried for my health and I kept feeling like I was getting bit by something. I saw some bugs coming off of the bed and nobody in the hospital said they saw them. I told him this and he's like "Hmm I wonder what it is." and I told him I'm going to get checked out cause I feel like something is constantly biting me. Than towards he end he said he feels like something is biting him too..... *sighs* which really starts to bug me. I feel like I'm being lied too and manipulated by him. And he told me that I gave him scabies. And that I f-ing digust him....Do us both a favor and forget my number. I don't want you calling me anymore, I have nothing to say to you. Goodbye Sam. Enjoy your f-ed up life...... I didn't give him anything. Why would he say this? He said I was the last person he had sex with and that I gave it to him but I know I didn't give it to him. I first told him about that I was getting bit by something and than all the sudden he claims he's getting bit too. I have no idea what's going on or what type of person he is, but I'm so left confused, hurt & deeply depressed by all of this. I truly love him and supported him and now I feel like I'm being thrown away like a piece of trash. Towards the end he told me to go find someone else who will put up with my bladder infections and he see's no future for us anymore. How he loves being around me but he can't touch me cause he's afraid of giving him another bladder infection. Since I've been withdrawing from Klonopin it's making me extremely paranoid and thinking I have a STD and he said he's tired of me being so overally paranoid... so now I feel like everything is my fault cause of this stupid medication I took. I wonder if things would have been different if I didn't take it. Sorry for so long, but I had to get this out......
Please don't delete this post. And I please hope that this thread don't get ignored. I'm truly upset about this....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
I know it's hard having the break up and the withdrawal. And I know it's cliche to say you'll be okay, and you need to concentrate on yourself but I mean it. He sounds like he needs to work on himself for a while too. We get addicted to the drama and when we get a clear head and a healthy relationship we can see how disfunctional our old ones were. Find someone who can show they truly love you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 40
I talked to a someone on a domestic hotline and explained a little more about him and she said he's an abusive person and advised for me to keep away from him. Just my state of my mind was so confused cause of my withdrawal from Klonopin, it clouded my mind if that makes any sense. There's a lot more that he did and I'll go into detail if anyone wishes me too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
Hi blue- good job calling the hotline! He's old news:-) Let's work on ways we can improve our situations and get better. Now if that involves writing it all down, go for it. Remember this is the web and it's open for anyone to read (even ex's). My plan is to eat well, exercise more, start working on going back to school, take care of my daughter the best I can. For you, at this stage, it might just be to eat well and get healthy. Then what's next? Take care, get better soon:-)
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