Family member mental health concern?
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Family member mental health concern?
Wasn't really sure where to post this, but figured I'd start here. I'm concerned about someone, they refuse to admit anything is wrong, won't see any doctors, and is basically in denial about everything(problems going on). This seems like a warning sign to me. There has also been suspicious behavior. Anyway do you guys have any advice for trying to get someone help or at least get information about what might be going on? I could post more info here if you guys think you could spot any warning signs. I know we shouldn't ask for or give out medical advice. Anything you guys give me would just be used to try and convince him to see someone. Or spot something underlying. I'm noticing his issues are hurting the family.
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Hmmmm......
Jim,
Well.... I totally get the "no medical advice" thing.
However-giving you some pointers on how to encourage someone to accept help including professional help might be something some folks on here could address. Perhaps many of us have had friends and/or loved ones and/or co-workers that needed help but were resistant or outright refused....It's hard...especially if there are any paranoia issues. It's likely there is a trust issue (?)
Denial is extremely common to many addicts AND co-dependents!
I do think it might be helpful to give some more info....
Jim,
Well.... I totally get the "no medical advice" thing.
However-giving you some pointers on how to encourage someone to accept help including professional help might be something some folks on here could address. Perhaps many of us have had friends and/or loved ones and/or co-workers that needed help but were resistant or outright refused....It's hard...especially if there are any paranoia issues. It's likely there is a trust issue (?)
Denial is extremely common to many addicts AND co-dependents!
I do think it might be helpful to give some more info....
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,055
I have mental health issues, and can tell you that nothing and nobody could make me seek help until I was ready. At one point I was taken in handcuffs by the police and confined to a psych ward for three days of observation, and even then I did not seek recovery after my release--I was at a bar within twenty minutes of leaving the hospital.
If he is a danger to himself or others, he can be taken away involuntarily but if his condition is serious and he is not cooperative, this might only lead to permanent confinement as a best outcome.
Really, the best thing for you to do is to learn how to detach. Read around the forums here--many others who are in similar situations have experience, strength and hope to offer.
If he is a danger to himself or others, he can be taken away involuntarily but if his condition is serious and he is not cooperative, this might only lead to permanent confinement as a best outcome.
Really, the best thing for you to do is to learn how to detach. Read around the forums here--many others who are in similar situations have experience, strength and hope to offer.
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Hey everyone thanks for replying it means a lot. I just got surgery so it's been a few days since i've got on here. I'll give you guys a rundown of the behavior i've noticed. It may be a bit long so idk how many people will read it all, but anything helps.
To start i'm talking about my dad. I honestly don't think he does or has done many drugs at all throughout his life. I feel i'm pretty good at picking up on drug users, and he has genuinely seemed clueless about drug culture. I do not suspect drugs personally, but i guess anythings possible. All my life he has had strange behavior though, but it appears to be getting worse.
He tends to have mood swings off the wall over trivial matters, for example i came to their house(i live on my own) and opened the garage door. He got really mad because "it uses electricity and lets the air conditioning out" i kinda messed with him about it and then left and he started running around the house just smashing things. It's hard to explain, but very small things throw him into a fit that he just won't let go of and will basically try to drag me or my sister into a fight with him, and it is always at random strange times like at a family event.
He also seems very distant, but sometimes nice and fun to be around, but i'm starting to think its an act. By distant i mean you can never feel like he is listening to you, he pretty much only talks about himself and doesn't know what is going on in anyones life. He is also obsessed with being on his phone/pc/tv will not really acknowledge anyone unless he has something to say or yell about. He doesn't pick up on social cues well at all and will think hes being funny when he's being strange or inappropriate.
He also will lie to anyone to make himself look like a man that has everything under control. The people outside my immediate family think he's responsible and a good dad, but my neighbors and family know otherwise. He puts a lot of blame for things he does on my sister and i and also doesn't do anything really throughout the days, but sit around and sleep. When asked what he did he makes stuff up or says he was busy all day. He has been caught lying multiple times with fairly serious matters(stealing money from my mom, cheating on her before they were married, probably after as well) but my mom is an enabler with her own problems and refuses to see the truth about anything. She is a whole other story though. What worries me is when i was young he was arrested for soliciting prositution, but then he insisted he was set up and we never heard anything after about it, my mom literally believes anything anyone tells her to a dangerous degree, so he got off with this. I used to believe him, but seeing how casually he has lied about things i'm not sure i do anymore.
He is broke a lot of times or short on cash and at one point was in huge debt, but no signs of drugs. My mom, after fighting with him covered for him again. She has bought so much for them, pays for vacations, cars, our house and he doesn't help take care of anything. He just puts us down usually for things he is most responsible for.
Lastly we all noticed he will have conversations with himself, like talk out an argument he had with someone over politics or talk about what hes doing in a more than normal manner. I've seen him zone out and just stare into space as well when no one's looking(he thinks). He has been in a few accidents and everytime we drive with him he has a close encounter almost hitting someone or driving the wrong way. He always brushes this off as being on "auto pilot" to go to work. If you accuse him of doing something wrong on the road or anywhere he will deny it to the end, it's NEVER his fault. I can't think of a time he took full blame for anything. Even small things someone shouldn't mind owning up to he will freak out over. it also takes him very long to finish sentences because he is constantly saying "uhh" between simple words. A 5 second sentence can take him up to a minute at times.
Anyway some of his symptoms look like ADD: constantly forgetting things, losing things, short attention, irritable, etc, but that doesn't explain everything else. Oh and btw he is not young, he is 62. It's hard remembering what things he has always done, and what has gotten worse, but off the top of my head that's all i can think of right now.
Thanks for taking the time to read if you guys notice anything that sticks out and what to do i'd very much appreciate it, it is hurting my family, but nothing ATM for him to be *forced* to seek help.
To start i'm talking about my dad. I honestly don't think he does or has done many drugs at all throughout his life. I feel i'm pretty good at picking up on drug users, and he has genuinely seemed clueless about drug culture. I do not suspect drugs personally, but i guess anythings possible. All my life he has had strange behavior though, but it appears to be getting worse.
He tends to have mood swings off the wall over trivial matters, for example i came to their house(i live on my own) and opened the garage door. He got really mad because "it uses electricity and lets the air conditioning out" i kinda messed with him about it and then left and he started running around the house just smashing things. It's hard to explain, but very small things throw him into a fit that he just won't let go of and will basically try to drag me or my sister into a fight with him, and it is always at random strange times like at a family event.
He also seems very distant, but sometimes nice and fun to be around, but i'm starting to think its an act. By distant i mean you can never feel like he is listening to you, he pretty much only talks about himself and doesn't know what is going on in anyones life. He is also obsessed with being on his phone/pc/tv will not really acknowledge anyone unless he has something to say or yell about. He doesn't pick up on social cues well at all and will think hes being funny when he's being strange or inappropriate.
He also will lie to anyone to make himself look like a man that has everything under control. The people outside my immediate family think he's responsible and a good dad, but my neighbors and family know otherwise. He puts a lot of blame for things he does on my sister and i and also doesn't do anything really throughout the days, but sit around and sleep. When asked what he did he makes stuff up or says he was busy all day. He has been caught lying multiple times with fairly serious matters(stealing money from my mom, cheating on her before they were married, probably after as well) but my mom is an enabler with her own problems and refuses to see the truth about anything. She is a whole other story though. What worries me is when i was young he was arrested for soliciting prositution, but then he insisted he was set up and we never heard anything after about it, my mom literally believes anything anyone tells her to a dangerous degree, so he got off with this. I used to believe him, but seeing how casually he has lied about things i'm not sure i do anymore.
He is broke a lot of times or short on cash and at one point was in huge debt, but no signs of drugs. My mom, after fighting with him covered for him again. She has bought so much for them, pays for vacations, cars, our house and he doesn't help take care of anything. He just puts us down usually for things he is most responsible for.
Lastly we all noticed he will have conversations with himself, like talk out an argument he had with someone over politics or talk about what hes doing in a more than normal manner. I've seen him zone out and just stare into space as well when no one's looking(he thinks). He has been in a few accidents and everytime we drive with him he has a close encounter almost hitting someone or driving the wrong way. He always brushes this off as being on "auto pilot" to go to work. If you accuse him of doing something wrong on the road or anywhere he will deny it to the end, it's NEVER his fault. I can't think of a time he took full blame for anything. Even small things someone shouldn't mind owning up to he will freak out over. it also takes him very long to finish sentences because he is constantly saying "uhh" between simple words. A 5 second sentence can take him up to a minute at times.
Anyway some of his symptoms look like ADD: constantly forgetting things, losing things, short attention, irritable, etc, but that doesn't explain everything else. Oh and btw he is not young, he is 62. It's hard remembering what things he has always done, and what has gotten worse, but off the top of my head that's all i can think of right now.
Thanks for taking the time to read if you guys notice anything that sticks out and what to do i'd very much appreciate it, it is hurting my family, but nothing ATM for him to be *forced* to seek help.
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Thanks jim. This info initially-(and given his age) reminds me of someone who might have dementia or alzhiemers....but you say he has been like this for a while now, so I don't know...He does sounds narcissistic too...and it sounds as though he always has to be right...and when he is technically wrong, he will admit to part of it but not ALL of it as if he needs to CLING to at least being partially right even if he is not. *sigh*
His scary driving? hmmmmm. Does he seem to have a disregard for basic safety? If so, that is indeed a problem! Maybe he is part way suicidal...not really caring if he gets hurts or killed (?). It's a red flag, anyways.
The blame shifting and talking only about himself is classic narcissism.
The spacing off could indeed be ADD, but could also be other mental problems. The freaking out about the garage door and smashing things? Violence is never good and he could be a danger to himself or others-which might be reason to get him in for treatment, even if he doesn't want it (involuntary).
Since you are no longer dependent on your dad, you are in a position that if you were to confront him about his behaviors he really can't hold much over you such as kick you out of the home. I am wondering what you have to lose by confronting him? Has anyone EVER confronted him about concerning behaviors? Unfortunately, as you have said, your mom has indeed enabled him to continue on in his habits,etc. and he has not really been held accountable; 'unchecked', so to speak. Sometimes this only serves to reinforce to them that they must be "ok" just because no one has said anything (yet).
Based upon what you have shared he needs professional help.
Blessed Be...
His scary driving? hmmmmm. Does he seem to have a disregard for basic safety? If so, that is indeed a problem! Maybe he is part way suicidal...not really caring if he gets hurts or killed (?). It's a red flag, anyways.
The blame shifting and talking only about himself is classic narcissism.
The spacing off could indeed be ADD, but could also be other mental problems. The freaking out about the garage door and smashing things? Violence is never good and he could be a danger to himself or others-which might be reason to get him in for treatment, even if he doesn't want it (involuntary).
Since you are no longer dependent on your dad, you are in a position that if you were to confront him about his behaviors he really can't hold much over you such as kick you out of the home. I am wondering what you have to lose by confronting him? Has anyone EVER confronted him about concerning behaviors? Unfortunately, as you have said, your mom has indeed enabled him to continue on in his habits,etc. and he has not really been held accountable; 'unchecked', so to speak. Sometimes this only serves to reinforce to them that they must be "ok" just because no one has said anything (yet).
Based upon what you have shared he needs professional help.
Blessed Be...
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I was suspecting some of what you said as well about the possible mental issues going on i just don't know how to make him get help. As far as confronting him i have, and have talked my mom into bringing it up(she knows theres something wrong, but shes so easily manipulated its sad), but he gets defensive and never entertains the thought. I have confronted him many times, luckily for me i was adopted and ended up being MUCH larger than him and i train mma, not that i'd use violence, i'm a pretty laid back person since i've been off drugs, but he knows not to go past the verbal abuse with me. When i was younger it was different though, basically until i was able to fight back. it wasn't like he was drunk coming home losing it though i've only ever seen him drunk a handful of times and he was actually a happy/goofy drunk. Seems like he's at his craziest when sober(or at least i think). My entire life things I thought were *normal*, i'm realizing weren't and now I have my own issues of putting blame on myself constantly because i always came out feeling like things were my fault.
Oh and he is actually a cautious driver he will just veer off the road or into the other lane without even realizing it. He is a very dangerous driver, at least when people are in the car with him. Sometimes it seems he's afraid to admit something is wrong with his focus. Kind of like when someone in denial gets really mad if you bring something up because theyre scared. He has definitely got worse with certain things like forgetfulness, stuttering when talking, etc. He also has this weird tick with his eye brows that he constantly does, kind of like if you open your eyes wide and lift your eye brows in a suprised kind of way. It's continuous though and he seems to lose focus everytime he does it.
Thanks for the response, i'm glad i'm at least not the only one that thinks these things are out of the ordinary. Most people that know him think he's a little off, but just kinda laugh about it. My family is very old fashioned and i regularly get the reply "back in my day no one went to psychiatrists/therapists and nothing was wrong with us" smh makes me mad even typing that heh.
Oh and he is actually a cautious driver he will just veer off the road or into the other lane without even realizing it. He is a very dangerous driver, at least when people are in the car with him. Sometimes it seems he's afraid to admit something is wrong with his focus. Kind of like when someone in denial gets really mad if you bring something up because theyre scared. He has definitely got worse with certain things like forgetfulness, stuttering when talking, etc. He also has this weird tick with his eye brows that he constantly does, kind of like if you open your eyes wide and lift your eye brows in a suprised kind of way. It's continuous though and he seems to lose focus everytime he does it.
Thanks for the response, i'm glad i'm at least not the only one that thinks these things are out of the ordinary. Most people that know him think he's a little off, but just kinda laugh about it. My family is very old fashioned and i regularly get the reply "back in my day no one went to psychiatrists/therapists and nothing was wrong with us" smh makes me mad even typing that heh.
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So I'm getting that he does not have chemical dependency issues, right?
But what you have describe so far is very concerning...
Do you think he could be a danger to himself or to others? If the answer is yes, depending on where you live, you can have someone involuntarily admitted at least for further evaluation by professionals and then go from there. I am not sure what the process is for that...You could call the police and ask them what that process is.
You have confronted him already, and he refused. Was he reaction to being confronted -apart from being defensive because of denial- at all violent or have a potential for violence?
I think one reason people are so resistant about getting help for a mental condition is that a lot of their DIGNITY is wrapped up in their ability to have control over their mental faculties and continue to do for themselves. If someone even hints they are "not all there" they FEAR the independence and control over their life is in jeopardy.
IN many cases it does boil down to a safety issue and that is the deciding factor.
Keep us posted and best of luck as you try to solve this problem....
blessed be...
But what you have describe so far is very concerning...
Do you think he could be a danger to himself or to others? If the answer is yes, depending on where you live, you can have someone involuntarily admitted at least for further evaluation by professionals and then go from there. I am not sure what the process is for that...You could call the police and ask them what that process is.
You have confronted him already, and he refused. Was he reaction to being confronted -apart from being defensive because of denial- at all violent or have a potential for violence?
I think one reason people are so resistant about getting help for a mental condition is that a lot of their DIGNITY is wrapped up in their ability to have control over their mental faculties and continue to do for themselves. If someone even hints they are "not all there" they FEAR the independence and control over their life is in jeopardy.
IN many cases it does boil down to a safety issue and that is the deciding factor.
Keep us posted and best of luck as you try to solve this problem....
blessed be...
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Thanks for the responses
As far as i know he doesn't have a substance abuse issue and i honestly don't think that it's his problem, but for some reason he never has money, even though he should considering he has nothing to show for it.
He doesnt get violent when we tell him to get help he just sort of brushes it off as if we have no clue what we're talking about or gets mad if hes in a bad mood.
I do think/know he would hit me at times if i wasn't bigger/stronger than him. It just sucks because sometimes he's nice and i feel bad for him, but then in a moment's notice he will do something that makes me hate him/think he's insane. I always get the feeling he's putting on an act though, even when we get along i know it wont be long lived.
I visit the house most nights after the gym cause he goes out and my mom just stays home and watches tv by herself, and lately she's been super depressed over something bad at work and how unhappy she is with my dad. Shes been getting high/drinking more than usual, wants to leave my dad but is scared, wants to quit her job and move away. She always talks about killing herself in a joking manner, or says shes crazy and is just gunna disappear someday, etc.
my sister seems depressed too and hardly ever gets out of bed(sleeps most of the day) except for to smoke ciggs or go to work(2-3x week) and shes a teenager.
Honestly i dont really tell anyone all this in full, but at least on here none of you guys know me personally so i feel more comfortable asking for help. I always try to ask myself if i'm just overreacting, but it seems like if i care about my family i should be doing something because none of this seems healthy.
Anyway thanks for listening. Sorry for all the text.
As far as i know he doesn't have a substance abuse issue and i honestly don't think that it's his problem, but for some reason he never has money, even though he should considering he has nothing to show for it.
He doesnt get violent when we tell him to get help he just sort of brushes it off as if we have no clue what we're talking about or gets mad if hes in a bad mood.
I do think/know he would hit me at times if i wasn't bigger/stronger than him. It just sucks because sometimes he's nice and i feel bad for him, but then in a moment's notice he will do something that makes me hate him/think he's insane. I always get the feeling he's putting on an act though, even when we get along i know it wont be long lived.
I visit the house most nights after the gym cause he goes out and my mom just stays home and watches tv by herself, and lately she's been super depressed over something bad at work and how unhappy she is with my dad. Shes been getting high/drinking more than usual, wants to leave my dad but is scared, wants to quit her job and move away. She always talks about killing herself in a joking manner, or says shes crazy and is just gunna disappear someday, etc.
my sister seems depressed too and hardly ever gets out of bed(sleeps most of the day) except for to smoke ciggs or go to work(2-3x week) and shes a teenager.
Honestly i dont really tell anyone all this in full, but at least on here none of you guys know me personally so i feel more comfortable asking for help. I always try to ask myself if i'm just overreacting, but it seems like if i care about my family i should be doing something because none of this seems healthy.
Anyway thanks for listening. Sorry for all the text.
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Hi Jim,
Honestly, it sounds like all the signs point to opiate addiction. Could it be possible that his doctor's been prescribing painkillers to him that you're not aware of? My mother was addicted to prescription painkillers til the day she passed away. And I was also addicted to them for 10yrs.
Mood swings, distant ( technique used to isolate ourselves, ) narcissistic ( wants the outside world to think all is well w/his family, ) plays the blame game, lies, lazy & sleeps more than your average person. All symptomatic of opiate addiction.
However, I'm more concerned with your mother's behavior. Jokingly talking about suicide is very disconcerting, especially w/the increased drug/alcohol consumption. I don't blame you for wanting to go there after the gym everyday. I'm not sure what your next step should be. Maybe call a suicide hotline to get some advice? Or a professional?
I'm very sorry your going through so much hardship. (( Hugs ))
Honestly, it sounds like all the signs point to opiate addiction. Could it be possible that his doctor's been prescribing painkillers to him that you're not aware of? My mother was addicted to prescription painkillers til the day she passed away. And I was also addicted to them for 10yrs.
Mood swings, distant ( technique used to isolate ourselves, ) narcissistic ( wants the outside world to think all is well w/his family, ) plays the blame game, lies, lazy & sleeps more than your average person. All symptomatic of opiate addiction.
However, I'm more concerned with your mother's behavior. Jokingly talking about suicide is very disconcerting, especially w/the increased drug/alcohol consumption. I don't blame you for wanting to go there after the gym everyday. I'm not sure what your next step should be. Maybe call a suicide hotline to get some advice? Or a professional?
I'm very sorry your going through so much hardship. (( Hugs ))
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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The by
I second this.
It is tough cuz you cannot always force people to get the help they need!! Frustrating too!! But there may be a safety issue here Jim, so that is something to seriously consider, friend... You are among friends here and we support you!!
Take care✌��️
Originally Posted by kzaug2014 
Hi Jim,
Honestly, it sounds like all the signs point to opiate addiction. Could it be possible that his doctor's been prescribing painkillers to him that you're not aware of? My mother was addicted to prescription painkillers til the day she passed away. And I was also addicted to them for 10yrs.
Mood swings, distant ( technique used to isolate ourselves, ) narcissistic ( wants the outside world to think all is well w/his family, ) plays the blame game, lies, lazy & sleeps more than your average person. All symptomatic of opiate addiction.
However, I'm more concerned with your mother's behavior. Jokingly talking about suicide is very disconcerting, especially w/the increased drug/alcohol consumption. I don't blame you for wanting to go there after the gym everyday. I'm not sure what your next step should be. Maybe call a suicide hotline to get some advice? Or a professional?
I'm very sorry your going through so much hardship. (( Hugs ))
Honestly, it sounds like all the signs point to opiate addiction. Could it be possible that his doctor's been prescribing painkillers to him that you're not aware of? My mother was addicted to prescription painkillers til the day she passed away. And I was also addicted to them for 10yrs.
Mood swings, distant ( technique used to isolate ourselves, ) narcissistic ( wants the outside world to think all is well w/his family, ) plays the blame game, lies, lazy & sleeps more than your average person. All symptomatic of opiate addiction.
However, I'm more concerned with your mother's behavior. Jokingly talking about suicide is very disconcerting, especially w/the increased drug/alcohol consumption. I don't blame you for wanting to go there after the gym everyday. I'm not sure what your next step should be. Maybe call a suicide hotline to get some advice? Or a professional?
I'm very sorry your going through so much hardship. (( Hugs ))
I second this.
It is tough cuz you cannot always force people to get the help they need!! Frustrating too!! But there may be a safety issue here Jim, so that is something to seriously consider, friend... You are among friends here and we support you!!
Take care✌��️
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Hey sorry i havent been on here recovering from surgeries, anyway i really appreciate the support and time you guys give it means a lot.
I really dont think it is opiates, i myself have/had problem with opiates from painkillers to heroin (although i am doing well right now, i am on small amounts of painkillers from surgery, but i have no contacts to get more opiates and dont plan on it i have moved away fron that lifestyle). Ive lost a lot of friends to opiates, heroin in particular is huge here and i've always been good at spotting opiate users. My dad doesn't seem like one to me, my mom always had painkillers from a bad car accident and he's never even taken one. Im not sure if hes ever been on them in his life. He has taken money though. He's very crafty with playing dumb to secretly manipulate people like my mom and lies a lot. He comes off like everything is about him doesn't genuinely care about anyone else and just pretends. Also as i type this i found out my sister caught him talking to another woman on his phone. Which really has me mad atm.
Anyway thanks again guys.
I really dont think it is opiates, i myself have/had problem with opiates from painkillers to heroin (although i am doing well right now, i am on small amounts of painkillers from surgery, but i have no contacts to get more opiates and dont plan on it i have moved away fron that lifestyle). Ive lost a lot of friends to opiates, heroin in particular is huge here and i've always been good at spotting opiate users. My dad doesn't seem like one to me, my mom always had painkillers from a bad car accident and he's never even taken one. Im not sure if hes ever been on them in his life. He has taken money though. He's very crafty with playing dumb to secretly manipulate people like my mom and lies a lot. He comes off like everything is about him doesn't genuinely care about anyone else and just pretends. Also as i type this i found out my sister caught him talking to another woman on his phone. Which really has me mad atm.
Anyway thanks again guys.
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Hi Jim and you are welcome! Thx for the update. Hope your surgeries went well and you are on the mend.
From what you've described to me, your dad definitely sounds like he could have narcissistic personality disorder....and you have a chance to read up on it, he sounds like a classic case. Maybe you already have read up on it. You've also described a bit of paranoia (garage door incident)....and then the outburst of smashing things....which reminds me of alzheimer behavior (angry outbursts out of the blue over things one would not usually get so angry about). This is a tough deal all the way around, Jim and I feel for you, your mom, and your sister!
Sometimes if you cannot convince a person they need help you can still get help for the ones who are most affected by it and have to live with it.
So, you mom is the bread winner/provider, right? If so, she has some leverage she may not realize she can use and if she really wanted out of this relationship it's not like she would end up on the streets, but could live on her own.
From what you've described to me, your dad definitely sounds like he could have narcissistic personality disorder....and you have a chance to read up on it, he sounds like a classic case. Maybe you already have read up on it. You've also described a bit of paranoia (garage door incident)....and then the outburst of smashing things....which reminds me of alzheimer behavior (angry outbursts out of the blue over things one would not usually get so angry about). This is a tough deal all the way around, Jim and I feel for you, your mom, and your sister!
Sometimes if you cannot convince a person they need help you can still get help for the ones who are most affected by it and have to live with it.
So, you mom is the bread winner/provider, right? If so, she has some leverage she may not realize she can use and if she really wanted out of this relationship it's not like she would end up on the streets, but could live on her own.
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Hey thanks, surgery went well and not feeling too bad.
Yes my mom makes most of the money, but she's worried if they split of A)what he might do B) him getting half of her stuff. I have heavily thought about him being a narcissist, but one thing about narcissists, don't they obsess with their image? He seems to have no shame and dresses strange and doesn't care what he looks like to other people. I always figured narcs as people that had to have the best of everything? It was interesting I read an article about people that say "um" excessively along with a few other words and phrases more often had psychopathic tendencies. He uses all of those words and phrases frequently.
The tough thing with my mom is she has her own problems and refuses to get help along with everyone else in the family. They may even entertain something I say about getting help, but actually doing anything is about the very bottom of their list of priorities. Neither of them seem to truly pay attention to anything my sister or I say. It's hard because my dad does come off nice and innocent a lot of times, but then I think of things he's done. At the same time my mom is a hard person to deal with as well. Ever since my pap died she seems to have reverted into a child-like sense of ignorance. She escapes problems by simply believing they don't exist. She has these habits that I have never seen before in a person where she is compelled to believe anyone about anything and trust them if they simply put on a friendly face and choose to represent something she is into. For example if anyone says they are a christian/goes to church no matter who they are, what they've done, she will believe them that they are a good person and mean well 100% trusting them with anything. She consistently says I will not live to be old because the end of the world is coming and is always buying these end of days books/magazines. She seems mentally forced to help people with whatever they ask for, even if they don't ask she will do random things for people, I think she likes to be the center of attention. Now this sounds good and she does do a lot of good, I don't think she's a bad person or means to do harm, but she goes out of her way so much that it hurts her and the family. Every day of her's revolves around doing random errands for people. So when it comes to things that need handled within the family she is so exhausted she ignores it all, gets high/drinks, sleeps, or blows up with anger.
Sometimes I don't even feel bad for my mom being manipulated by my dad and everyone else because she brings it on herself. I'm really depressed and angry about all of this and I'm basically just venting about things now that have gone on my entire life, I'm pretty much ready to give up on them. As long as no one is hurting anyone I'm done. I will stop by be friendly, cause no problems, but I think I'm done trying to get anyone help. I'm just afraid with the unhealthy way my sister is living (overeating, smoking, sleeping all day) that her days could be numbered. She is old enough though to where I can't do much unless she wants help. I eat very healthy and exercise a lot and I try to get my sister into these habits, but she never commits and my mom continues to buy her junk food and pop. My mom seems disgusted when I request healthy meals when we go out to eat (it comes off like she's jealous in ways), she doesn't seem to like that I'm into working out a lot and doesn't find exercise/healthy eating to be an important part of life. I don't even consider myself obsessed with these by any means and no one other than her seems to think that either. She subtlety tries to get me to eat unhealthy by getting my favorite snacks/desserts even when I tell her I'm trying not to eat that stuff. She tells my sister shes a lazy pig and eats too much, but then she buys all that crap. When I was in my early teens I was obese and unhealthy and she always thought that I was supposed to weigh that much and told me there was no way I could ever be thin. Anything she could do to keep me as a goofy kid that got made fun of and wouldn't have a girlfriend she pretty much did. When I tried to kill myself as a teenager she started treating me like I was a weirdo that she didn't know. Recently she did say she thought I was doing great, but that I used to be pathetic. It bothers me knowing that she simply thought I was pathetic when I was severely depressed trying to kill myself.
I have a hard time remembering a lot of this stuff until I really think about it because I start to get angry so I'm just going to end there and try to relax. I know things could be worse, I just get upset that no matter how much I physically improve myself, my self esteem and emotions are still having trouble. I basically see it as there being no hope for the family changing though, I need to give up on it and just worry about myself and the things I can change for now.
Yes my mom makes most of the money, but she's worried if they split of A)what he might do B) him getting half of her stuff. I have heavily thought about him being a narcissist, but one thing about narcissists, don't they obsess with their image? He seems to have no shame and dresses strange and doesn't care what he looks like to other people. I always figured narcs as people that had to have the best of everything? It was interesting I read an article about people that say "um" excessively along with a few other words and phrases more often had psychopathic tendencies. He uses all of those words and phrases frequently.
The tough thing with my mom is she has her own problems and refuses to get help along with everyone else in the family. They may even entertain something I say about getting help, but actually doing anything is about the very bottom of their list of priorities. Neither of them seem to truly pay attention to anything my sister or I say. It's hard because my dad does come off nice and innocent a lot of times, but then I think of things he's done. At the same time my mom is a hard person to deal with as well. Ever since my pap died she seems to have reverted into a child-like sense of ignorance. She escapes problems by simply believing they don't exist. She has these habits that I have never seen before in a person where she is compelled to believe anyone about anything and trust them if they simply put on a friendly face and choose to represent something she is into. For example if anyone says they are a christian/goes to church no matter who they are, what they've done, she will believe them that they are a good person and mean well 100% trusting them with anything. She consistently says I will not live to be old because the end of the world is coming and is always buying these end of days books/magazines. She seems mentally forced to help people with whatever they ask for, even if they don't ask she will do random things for people, I think she likes to be the center of attention. Now this sounds good and she does do a lot of good, I don't think she's a bad person or means to do harm, but she goes out of her way so much that it hurts her and the family. Every day of her's revolves around doing random errands for people. So when it comes to things that need handled within the family she is so exhausted she ignores it all, gets high/drinks, sleeps, or blows up with anger.
Sometimes I don't even feel bad for my mom being manipulated by my dad and everyone else because she brings it on herself. I'm really depressed and angry about all of this and I'm basically just venting about things now that have gone on my entire life, I'm pretty much ready to give up on them. As long as no one is hurting anyone I'm done. I will stop by be friendly, cause no problems, but I think I'm done trying to get anyone help. I'm just afraid with the unhealthy way my sister is living (overeating, smoking, sleeping all day) that her days could be numbered. She is old enough though to where I can't do much unless she wants help. I eat very healthy and exercise a lot and I try to get my sister into these habits, but she never commits and my mom continues to buy her junk food and pop. My mom seems disgusted when I request healthy meals when we go out to eat (it comes off like she's jealous in ways), she doesn't seem to like that I'm into working out a lot and doesn't find exercise/healthy eating to be an important part of life. I don't even consider myself obsessed with these by any means and no one other than her seems to think that either. She subtlety tries to get me to eat unhealthy by getting my favorite snacks/desserts even when I tell her I'm trying not to eat that stuff. She tells my sister shes a lazy pig and eats too much, but then she buys all that crap. When I was in my early teens I was obese and unhealthy and she always thought that I was supposed to weigh that much and told me there was no way I could ever be thin. Anything she could do to keep me as a goofy kid that got made fun of and wouldn't have a girlfriend she pretty much did. When I tried to kill myself as a teenager she started treating me like I was a weirdo that she didn't know. Recently she did say she thought I was doing great, but that I used to be pathetic. It bothers me knowing that she simply thought I was pathetic when I was severely depressed trying to kill myself.
I have a hard time remembering a lot of this stuff until I really think about it because I start to get angry so I'm just going to end there and try to relax. I know things could be worse, I just get upset that no matter how much I physically improve myself, my self esteem and emotions are still having trouble. I basically see it as there being no hope for the family changing though, I need to give up on it and just worry about myself and the things I can change for now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Oh man, that's a lot to deal with...!! I hope it was/is helpful for you share and can understand how it would make you feel angry and frustrated to say the least. Glad you are doing ok...well, it sounds like you are doing well...and doing a lot of healthy things. That's great.
Yeah, I think you are right about narcissists being wrapped up in their appearance.
Yeah, I think you are right about narcissists being wrapped up in their appearance.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 303
Thanks for the helpful and understanding feedback everyone. I havent been on here since my last post, been a little depressed lately, but nothing i can't handle. I think it's from sitting around the house overthinking everything.
Anyway i wish you all good and safe thanksgiving/holidays
Anyway i wish you all good and safe thanksgiving/holidays
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by jimt91
Thanks for the helpful and understanding feedback everyone. I havent been on here since my last post, been a little depressed lately, but nothing i can't handle. I think it's from sitting around the house overthinking everything.
Anyway i wish you all good and safe thanksgiving/holidays
Anyway i wish you all good and safe thanksgiving/holidays
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