Holds1325

After browsing a thread in another section, I remember my OCD and how I struggled with it as a kid. No one understood this problem.

Anyway as an alcoholic I drank to hide these tendencies and it hit me hard after I stopped drinking.

Has anyone else dealt with this? And if you are recently trying to sober up, just know that you aren't alone with this type of disorder! I am working hard to overcome it.

Tomandliv

Heya,

I don't have OCD, but I'm always interested to listen. What type of OCD do you have/how does it manifest itself in your day to day life?

Holds1325

I struggle with what is typically known as Pure O and is an OCD that doesnt have obvious obsessions, or observable obsessions. For example some people claim to be OCD if you mess with the way their desk is organized at work or how their car is, etc. thats just plain anxiety in my opinion but then again I dont know.

My OCD manifests as unwanted thoughts and impulses that terrify me to no end. If I let these things flare up it gets to the point where I feel trapped and if I move then these things in my head will definitely happen. I do have some observable compulsions such as repeating good things to myself, avoiding certain situations and tv shows etc. due to these thoughts.

Primarily obsessional obsessive compulsive disorder

That link should give you some type of understanding.

Tomandliv

Thanks for that link. That really helped. I actually recall watching a documentary on a guy who had this (or very similar) where he had constant intruisive thoughts about being a paedophile. He knew he wasn't one, but the sheer terror of these thoughts gave them an extreme power. I guess it was like the harder he fought to get them out of his head straight away, the more force they came back into his head/persisted.
There was another guy who had a fear of wetting himself in public so it stopped him being in certain situations and he had to keep constantly sitting on the toilet for half the day to make sure he 100% didn't need to go.
From watching that documentary, I feel for your struggle.
Both those guys overcame it though... Which is hopeful.
How do you manage your OCD?

Tomandliv

Not sure if you're from the UK, but the documentary was a channel 4 one called Bedlam (episode 1). Interesting to watch

Holds1325

Mine doesnt manifest in pedophilia or social situations, sometimes it does. Mine is mostly with fear of hurting people on accident mostly or doing something awful to myself, like suicide or cutting. Doctors thought I was suicidal hence the psych ward, however they realized that id go to great lengths to avoid this by hiding knives, not wanting to be around guns, avoiding any sharp objects etc. pills ropes, everytime i looked at them i got such intense fear.

I honestly get through it by laughing at it and looking at the situation in a comical way. For example i used to have this thought that id accidentally or on purpose push certain people down, it terrified me of the aftermath, but then i played it out in my head and laughed at it, this thought then loses its power.

The suicide bit, at first when people would make jokes about it id get so angry or scared. However i started joking about it myself, whether to myself or laughing when people joke about it, this then begins to lose its power, it still bothers me though.

The hypochondria is one im currently trying to overcome I cannot stop checking myself for things and when I think I find something I spend hours googling it. Some people just stop themselves from looking that up, for me its an obsession, if I dont look it up I panic.

The thoughts flare up though in high stress situations, all of them hit me at once. Sometimes i have to just run off and keep repeating things to myself over and over, ur okay, nothing bad is going to happen, meanwhile checking my body for lumps its ridiculous! but i seriously cannot help it.

Holds1325

Mindfulness helps with the hypochondria too, Im okay now, Im breathing, Im not going to die right now, its okay etc.

Tomandliv

Oh that seems really good that you've managed to find your own unique way of taking the power out of those thoughts.
It's amazing that to some degree everyone has these thoughts.. Yet for some people they're persistent and cause a great deal of distress and they will mull over them so much.

Although I've not had your condition, I can imagine (on some level) the thoughts you feel.... For example, I cannot bear to see anyone using a sharp knife or a Stanley knife. My dad brought over some razors to scrape the sealant off my shower and I couldn't even bear to use them or be around them. They're hidden right at the back of a drawer in a plastic container. The thought of them makes me feel a tad sick and almost gives me chills like nails on a blackboard.
The googling - me and my friend laugh because we do that SO much. Sometimes she'll randomly message me and say "so I think I'm dying of cancer" and I'll say "have you been on google again?!"
Self-diagnosing off the internet is always a minefield and you come away thinking you're going to die!
I'm glad you've got a relatively good handle on your condition. Do you feel its manageable now? Did you have some therapy or CBT for it?

Tomandliv

Oh I love mindfulness. I think it's just amazing for a whole world of things (I sound like I'm away with the fairies haha).
I just think that it's good for any situation where you want to distract yourself from your thoughts, or where you want to be in a moment and focus your thoughts on something.
I do it a lot when I can't sleep because my head is full of thoughts, and it always works.
Wonderful stuff.

Holds1325

Yep everyone has these thoughts they just never give them any more thinking beyond the thought itself. Mine turns into an obsession, to the point where I am panicking over doing something terrible and then the thoughts chain onto bigger ones, I dont have to try to have these thoughts they come on and then chain bigger and before i know it im having a terrible panic attack. Knives was my big thing, Id see a knife anywhere and the disturbing thoughts invited themselves in, thoughts of grabbing one and jabbing into my arm or neck, my hand trembling, almost to the point where it felt like I couldnt control myself and if I didnt do it, the thought will never stop bothering me etc. It really is helpful to know that these thoughts only get worse the more I let them bother me.

I tried over a period of months, mindfulness about the knives, and just going with it. If i had to use one during cooking or whatever I just went with it, even though the thoughts flooded in. It took weeks but eventually they subsided.

The hypochondria is my biggest though it goes far beyond just googling, ive been to the drs office 5 times in the last month. Im constantly checking everything and if somethings off my mind freaks out. I understand that Im going to need therapy for this sometime in the future but for now searching for a therapist is proving difficult at this point in time.

ulfr

i have OCD and mine tell me to hurt people its got so bad that i couldn't trust myself when i was out and about i thought i was going to hurt people so i had to get my husband to take me everywhere and hold my hands on the bus i got help with it from my psych and Therapist mindfulness does work give it time

Soberwolf

I have a pencil case full of pens il never use I used to have it quite bad

teatreeoil007

I tend to slip into a bit of an OCD mode when I am feeling stressed or pressured. It hasn't been debilitating or anything like that. I think possibly certain professions contribute to being OCD...(?)

If OCD is a real problem and is interfering in functioning well, maybe you should have it evaluated by a professional if you haven't already done so...

I have heard that in some cases they are using certain antidepressants to help treat OCD..

Tomandliv

It sounds like you've done incredibly well to deal with those thoughts. That's an amazing thing.. I know I wouldn't know where to start to deal with any of that. You're very strong.
I hope that you continue your progress into the hypochondria side of it too. It's so good that you have managed to overcome/manage the other aspect of it (involving knives) because It must keep you hopeful that it is possible to overcome this aspect of it too.
I hope you find a therapist that can help you in your quest.

Have you spoken to any other people who have the hypochondria aspect too? Or possibly looked on YouTube for some people who can share advice on how they're managing the same?
I know different things work for different people, but I guess it's worth a try.

Holds1325

Im sorry you have to go through that, it really is awful. How are you doing now?

Mindfulness helps me a ton. Also looking at the thoughts and laughing at them. One thing that helped me as well is when I'd tell my wife about this and she'd stop me and say "What makes you think you came up with these thoughts on your own?" then walked off.

Its true, I used to think I was psychotic and had a serious problem. Turns out I was just OCD and my brain chose to latch onto these things because I couldn't let them go and then they just got worse after that.

I was watching some videos on this awhile back and there was one good point that was made, If we continue to think upon these thoughts, analyze them , give them any type relevance then they only get worse.

Holds1325

Yes in severe cases the anti-depressants have shown to help by affecting the serotonin levels in the brain. However this almost always has to be in conjunction with therapy.

I have had some therapy for this and have done a ton of reading up on it. It clears up whenever "I live in the now." and be present.

However the hypochondria is a new anxiety that I am trying to get over.

This is helped with practicing thoughts such as: "I am fine now I am breathing I am here and OK" "This is not the time to worry about these things, there is nothing wrong in the present" etc.

I have been prescribed anti-depressants but for now I am practicing ways to get over this without it. I know that they do help some people but with a combination of self-harm intrusive thoughts and stubbornness its just not an option for me.

I had intrusive thoughts about harming myself and it terrified me. Hence me refusing to take ADs because the very label on the box said MAY cause suicidal thoughts or increase them. Many doctors and psychiatrists have told me that these are just black box warnings and they are very very rare side effects. You could give me 1 in a million odds of something bad happening and my OCD brain would pick the worst with anything.

Holds1325

Thanks for your kind words!

I joined a board on Health Anxiety and posted there a few times about my fears and it has helped however, I found that I cannot frequent that forum often because it puts me back in that same pattern of thought and sometimes makes it worse. I do plan on getting therapy for this some time in the future whether through a professional therapist or at my church.

Hypochondria ran in my family too for awhile, I remember as a young boy I'd find my mother crying telling me she was dying of some illness and that I'd never see her again, I'd cry too and worry. She did this often. She never did die though til many years later in my adulthood of something totally unrelated.

Cancer does not run in my family whatsoever, mother and fathers side yet it scares me on a constant basis. Even when I've had several tests done theres always the thought that they might've missed something etc. It gets really frustrating at times.

Most times i'll just say okay, if I do die then whatever I don't care, and move on, however the fear of illness hits without warning at anytime of the day.

Holds1325

SW - I have this mechanical pencil in my office with the sharpest point on it. I used to hide it constantly til finally I just started using it and not caring, it took weeks but eventually these thoughts went away. Its like a small bully, you only give the thoughts relevance the more you avoid things like this.

How did you get over this?

Muunray

I couldn't even read all the posts. My ex-husband who is dead now had OCD. Everything is the house was organized according to whatever- to size, etc. One day he made me repark the car because it wasn't straight enough between the lines in the parking lot. I can't imagine having to deal with those feelings. I hope you find help.

Holds1325

Thank you, I've had help for this mental disorder and alot of it seems to have subsided including the intrusive self-harm thoughts, they no longer bother me as badly as they did.

Unfortunately my OCD likes to attach itself to something else, and this time its Health anxiety.

Pure O is different from organization compulsions but the anxiety can be just as bad from it. I'm sorry your ex-husband went through that.