It's become bad again, REAL bad.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Hollywood, CA
Posts: 18
It's become bad again, REAL bad.
So, I don't think I'm new here since I have posted maybe once every few months, for the last two years. Okay, maybe I am still new, but not new to the recovery process; but, it's become bad again. Real bad. Possibly because I'm blaming myself more and more every day. I deserve to, though.
I am a musician, of course, and drinking is usually just part of the scene. I wish I could say it was that. Because if it were really just that, I'd only be taking shots with fans/friends at the bars after shows.
I got sober again on June 27th. I remember because it was the day after my brother's wedding. I had been planning the day to stop. I stopped completely until September 1st. Seems awesome huh? I even remember it got so easy to skip alcohol and just stick to an energy drink (not much better) or a soda.
...but then the dreaded 27 came (yeah, most of you will call me a jerk for saying this), but turning 27 is a big deal. It's now in between 25 and 30. I'm a musician and that's considered older for anyone in the business. If you're 30, you can almost forget about having a leading career, unless just behind the scenes. It's just a fact. Maybe I'm just looking for someone to call me a jerk and tell me how young I am. But in my industry, I'm getting older...
So, I started with, "I'll just have 2 beers. I'll be fine! I'll get a buzz, I'll feel okay, and I haven't broken my sobriety." But the back of my head knew, just knew it was gonna lead me back off that wagon. Well, here we are, only a month later and I'm back to drinking whiskey on the rocks, after I had sworn off hard liquor.
I don't even really know the point of this rant, because we all know I can only help myself. I guess I just feel so guilty. I need someone to make me feel better because I'm a complete narcissist. I also expect at least a few people to call me an @-hole and say things are that bad.
But I don't know..I'm just lost right now because my dog is my only friend that I don't work with and I'm losing him to cancer.
I don't know... I don't even know the point of this. Maybe I just needed to rant, or someone to talk to. I know I need to stop; but like I said, I know it's also going to be up to me.
I am a musician, of course, and drinking is usually just part of the scene. I wish I could say it was that. Because if it were really just that, I'd only be taking shots with fans/friends at the bars after shows.
I got sober again on June 27th. I remember because it was the day after my brother's wedding. I had been planning the day to stop. I stopped completely until September 1st. Seems awesome huh? I even remember it got so easy to skip alcohol and just stick to an energy drink (not much better) or a soda.
...but then the dreaded 27 came (yeah, most of you will call me a jerk for saying this), but turning 27 is a big deal. It's now in between 25 and 30. I'm a musician and that's considered older for anyone in the business. If you're 30, you can almost forget about having a leading career, unless just behind the scenes. It's just a fact. Maybe I'm just looking for someone to call me a jerk and tell me how young I am. But in my industry, I'm getting older...
So, I started with, "I'll just have 2 beers. I'll be fine! I'll get a buzz, I'll feel okay, and I haven't broken my sobriety." But the back of my head knew, just knew it was gonna lead me back off that wagon. Well, here we are, only a month later and I'm back to drinking whiskey on the rocks, after I had sworn off hard liquor.
I don't even really know the point of this rant, because we all know I can only help myself. I guess I just feel so guilty. I need someone to make me feel better because I'm a complete narcissist. I also expect at least a few people to call me an @-hole and say things are that bad.
But I don't know..I'm just lost right now because my dog is my only friend that I don't work with and I'm losing him to cancer.
I don't know... I don't even know the point of this. Maybe I just needed to rant, or someone to talk to. I know I need to stop; but like I said, I know it's also going to be up to me.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Calimusician
I know it might feel like 30 is ancient but I still play music at nearly 50 and some of my bandmates are in their 60s.
The rock and roll lifestyle destroyed me. I ended up with no gigs cos I was so unreliable - and I never thought I'd get to that point.
I got back into playing last year - sure I'm not gigging every day but I have to turn down work - some of those 60yos I mentioned play 5 or 6 nights a week - and they are HOT players.
I know a lot of sober musicians with some great chops.
You can choose to be a rock star... or you can be a musician - and a sober musician at that
D
I know it might feel like 30 is ancient but I still play music at nearly 50 and some of my bandmates are in their 60s.
The rock and roll lifestyle destroyed me. I ended up with no gigs cos I was so unreliable - and I never thought I'd get to that point.
I got back into playing last year - sure I'm not gigging every day but I have to turn down work - some of those 60yos I mentioned play 5 or 6 nights a week - and they are HOT players.
I know a lot of sober musicians with some great chops.
You can choose to be a rock star... or you can be a musician - and a sober musician at that
D
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