missylou

Due to a situation at work where I got mad at somebody over something I thought was inappropriate at work, I now have this woman constantly giving me dirty looks, she has to walk by my desk to get to hers, she turns around whenever I say something, she makes constant sly comments to other co-workers, of which, I feel are intended toward me. This has been going on for about 6 weeks now. I have tried to talk work with her but she is not having it. It actually feels like she is bullying me(I was bullied as a child), so this is not comfortable for me at all. I am having trouble concentrating, anxiety, not eating & the runs(sorry). I started seeing a counselor 2 weeks ago as well as an antidepressant, the doctor would not let me have any anti-anxiety medicine. I am trying to put on the air that it doesn't bother me, but on the inside I am miserable. I am in my early 60's, I don't feel I should be dealing with this stuff, I have thought of quitting but I make $32 an hour with benefits! My understanding is she was like this before. Thanks for reading, help!

D122y

I deal with work bullies too. I ignore them, don't laugh at their jokes, walk away from them while they are talking etc. Act like i am working an issue, or grab my phone..got to take this....give them the dead eye stare...smirk...it takes practice though...30 years of dealing w military types...

There are so many nice people to give kindness to. I find them. Give them a little smile.

I treat bullies like a thunder storm. Avoidance. It feels good to give them a little discomfort.

Easier said than done. But, that is my plan.

Muunray

People like that- makes me want to act like a baby and stick my tongue out at them when they look at me! ha

Soberwolf

Missylou ignore her if she steps out of line report her or report her now on the grounds of what you have just told us

hpdw

When I used to read Louise hay , Wayne Dyer books ( spiritual stuff ) they would tell you to forgive , pray for , wish well for them etc etc and by some universal law ( law of attraction I believe it was ) they will stop the aggressive behavior , leave for another job or whatever .

Try it

neferkamichael

Missylou, rootin for ya.

BlueFairy

I did this--I love Wayne BTW. I used wicca (2 different banishment spells) and facebook friended a bunch of people from my work to get them on my side. I posted a bunch of stuff about workplace bullying. I was pretty new to facebook so it worked for me to friend a bunch of people like that. She got another job shortly after and she'd been there for years--and her daddy was a store director for our chain. I never thought she'd leave.

Anaya

Missy: I am sorry you're facing this. I would hope that if you can muster the strength to move on and not engage with her that she eventually may get tired of trying to get a rise out of you and move on.

I've had some difficult experiences on the job and have learned to set boundaries and to keep contact with bullies or even would be bullies to a minimum.

Crossing fingers and hoping for better days ahead for you. Peace.

LiveInPeace

My sister is a work bully. She boasts to me about the things she has done or said to her coworkers. I feel sorry for everybody who has to work with her. She bullied me too. If you really knew her, you'd know at her core she is filled with zero self-esteem. Her extreme and jaw-dropping arrogance is a front. All bullies are like the wizard from the Wizard of Oz.

"Hurt people hurt". Someone once told me that. Not that it's an excuse or justification to accept her behavior. No. It is just to put things in perspective.

What I try to do when dealing with a bully, is say the third step prayer and fear affirmations in my head. I try hard to put up that "God shield", so as not to let the bully's spiritual sickness seep into my soul. I try to remind myself "This is a sick person. It is not personal."

Trust me I know where you are coming from. I spent decades in anxiety, depression, fear, major IBS, panic attacks, etc., because of dealing with abusive bullies. They are actually weak, sick people who need to bully to feel better about themselves. It does help me to see them for who they are.

Don't let her self-hatred seep into your soul and poison it. Give it to God and let it go. Ask God to help you. The prayer could be as simple as, "Please God, help me not let this sick person's behavior affect me."

Remember the Serenity Prayer. We can't change other people. We can only change how we let other people effect us or cause us to respond/react. She will never change. We have to change. I hope that makes sense. I'm not asking you to treat her different. I'm asking you to think about how you respond to her bullying.

It also might help if you pray for her. I know, you can get mad at me for saying that. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. I almost didn't write it. But it works. I can't explain it. Say the resentment prayer for her every day for about 2 weeks. It will bring you peace and comfort.

I wish you serenity and peace.

LiveInPeace

This is great advice.

Try to do it without looking anxious; otherwise she'll sense your weakness. Nonchalant avoidance.

IfYouCanDream

I just found this thread from September while looking for some information about bullying at work (I'm going through something similar now).

Excellent advice here, but I thought I'd bump it, maybe someone has something new to add?

Zeroine

Hi IfYouCanDream,

Sorry to hear you're going through something similar.

I've had some experience of being bullied at work. I found a book by George K Simon helpful. It's called In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. I don't know if that particular book would help others, but in general there might be a book out there on the topic of dealing with difficult people that would hit the nail on the head for you.

I think one of the most useful things was seeing "my" difficult person described and dissected. It helped me to feel less alone and to stop questioning myself and my actions. It also seemed to make them less powerful to see them as a type, especially to be given strategies for dealing with that type.

If the situation is really affecting you though, I think the only thing to do is to plan a way out. There's a website called bullyonline which was started by Tim Field. I don't agree with everything on it and the legal stuff is UK-based and might be out of date. But I think Tim Field spoke a lot of sense. One thing I definitely agree with and discovered myself is that keeping records and raising issues with internal management doesn't help. Management have already failed to address the bullying, and their interest is in staying away from the problem.

If you can bear the situation I think there's a lot to be said for doing what you can then trying not to dwell on the person. Forgiving and sending love was a bit beyond me, but I did at least try not to get any more entangled with them mentally.

I hope things get better for you.

Fabat50

You mention that you got mad at someone over their work. Has that issue now been dealt with positively and resolved/smoothed over? Or are there still lingering tensions in the office that may be contributing to this person's innapropriate behaviour?