birdygal78

I posted this in the alcohol thread but it's getting no action, and this is probably a better place for it anyways.
I've been trying to get sober for a year now. Right now I have 10 days clean... so you can assume how that's working out for me.
My pastor has been invaluable in the whole process, always talking me through things, calling me out on my crap. Lately he seems like he's pulling away. Granted, I'm starting to push him away. He doesn't answer my texts anymore, and I'm sure he's tired of hearing the same crap over and over.

My main concern right now, is I am very uncomfortable around him all of a sudden. I've known him half my life and love him to pieces, but now I can't look him in the eyes or even talk to him in person. I feel guilt and my stomach sinks every time I see him. I have nothing to hide from him right now, no relapse, no lies.

Anyone have any ideas why i feel like this?

Astro

I've had the experience of being uncomfortable in my own skin to the point that I was uncomfortable around anyone else. It got better as I recovered, and as the quality of my sobriety and my life improved. Being around other people at church and AA meetings, and experiencing fellowship and new friendships opened me to being social again.

Just a thought...... I would prefer to have a face-to-face relationship with a member of the clergy. Somehow, texting wouldn't feel quite right to me, especially if my pastor is of the opposite sex.

Bird615

This particular thing hasn't happened to me, but I also find texting more tiresome that talking on the phone or face-to-face.

I guess the only way you could really know what's going on is to have a conversation with your pastor. It could have nothing to do with you. Although it's not an easy thing to do, I've found that often being straight up and honest about how I'm feeling and having a heart-to-heart discussion clears things up.

Soberwolf

Congrats on double digits lean on us whenever you need

advbike

Maybe he's busy?

birdygal78

Guess I didn't provide enough detail... I've know him for at least 10 years. We mainly communicate through texting because we don't live too close to eachother and our schedules are outrageous. Our relationship is pretty informal. I see him like a big brother more than anything really.

As far as him being too busy to reply.. it's possible, but days, weeks go by with no response. I know he's always busy, but in the past year he has always gotten back to me one way or another. Now it's like all communication has stopped which is not normal.

biminiblue

Ask him.

birdygal78

I tried. I didn't get much of a response. He picked the one phrase I said and used it to avoid everything else. I'm starting to accept that there's not much else I can do.

Soberwolf

Stick close to SR Birdygal

taylord13

I know I talked to my Pastor about my drinking, and anxiety, and he pointed some areas that I could read in the bible and I do over and over. I know my Pastor get's inundated with people asking for help and people think he's a shrink. I just don't bother my pastor anymore and I see my shrink weekly who happens to be a Christian.

Bekindalways

Congrats on the 10 days Birdy!

It is possible he is in his own crisis. If this is true, it could be very difficult for him to explain this to you as it would be a roll reversal. Pastors/ministers/priests are all just humans and as broken as the rest of us. Also relationships have their own lives and change with time.

Keep him in your prayers. Probably the best thing you can do for both of you is to keep working on your own sobriety.

teatreeoil007

Eye contact is an important, amazing form of communication. If you feel you cannot look into someone's eyes then there is probably something going on there...especially if you always COULD look into someone's eyes...looking into the eyes in my opinion conveys trust. When there is a lack of trust for WHATEVER reason or there there are hard feelings or if there are just misunderstandings going on the eye contact won't be as good and how it usually goes. Thank GOD for other forms of communication, right? If each party sticks with it that's trust can definitely be re-established. Anyways, be true to yourself...that's really the only way you are going to be happy...and stick with your recovery...you are on the right path.

taylord13

I have no hard feeling with my Pastor, he teaches the Bible very well, and is very interesting.

teatreeoil007

That's good that you have no hard feelings with your pastor...and hey-if it's not interesting it's pretty hard to sit and listen to stuff.

But you may need a counselor too. Each one has a different function in your life. You pastor helps you stay connected to God and your counselor helps to process emotions and tackle issues and encourages you to honestly be in touch with the real you...

It'll all work out...be patient and stay true to yourself. You are a beautiful person created by God. Don't forget that!

teatreeoil007

Heart to heart discussions are great and needful, but there is something about a soul to soul discussion that is almost indescribable...and can be way more intense at times...