Riverbird

This might be a very stupid question. It also might not have an answer. But since I'm clueless I figure it's worth asking and maybe someone can say something that can help.

I've been sober for almost 4 years. I started my sobriety locked in a psych hospital, so I've been on a substantial number of meds throughout my sobriety. Well, I was on meds long before that too, but I'm not sure that really "counts" because I wasn't always taking them as prescribed and I was dumping loads of alcohol on top of it all the time.

After some sober time (about 3.5 years), I was doing so well I decided I wanted to try going off of some of my meds. Being on meds doesn't bother me necessarily, but I've never been sober and not medicated since childhood, and that wasn't exactly a peaceful time. I feel like I don't really know who I am...which part is me and which part is meds. I don't like putting so many chemicals in my system every day unless absolutely necessary, and I've been having some frustrating side effects from the meds.

Since I've started messing with the meds (all with doctor supervision and support), things have been weird to say the least. My mood has been all over the place, as has my sleep and other issues. But in that time (it's been 2-3 months now since I started the process...all very slow weening), I've also had some extremely stressful stuff going on at work, and my birthday (which is a very stressful date for me).

The more I write this I'm guessing no one will really be able to answer it for me, but I just wonder how to know what is a normal reaction to life events vs. a bigger issue that shows a need for medication. I don't want to just give up and go back on all the meds, but even the good times within the last few months I haven't felt as good as when I started the process. Then again I've felt more clear-headed...but more easily agitated too. In some ways it seems silly to not just go back on the meds since I know they work, but there are all the reasons listed above not to. Even in my sober time, I feel like I haven't really learned what is a normal reaction to stressful events in life, and what is a sign of bigger issues.

Sorry this is so long...any help greatly appreciated.

advbike

The ego makes many things bigger than they need to be. Comparing, judging, criticizing, feeling put out, etc. As long as you're able to handle those events, I'd say you don't need to take meds. In the long run, meds can't be good, if you can do without. Just learn to observe your reaction, and see what stories your ego is telling you. I highly recommend A New Earth, by Ekhart Tolle, or Awareness, by Anthony De Mello; as good books to explore the role of our ego and prior conditioning in our reaction to life's events and circumstances.

Astro

Keep a journal of your moods, sleep patterns, etc. and continue working with your prescriber. I wasn't able to judge what is normal and what's not (and sometimes still can't) so I rely on others to let me know when something isn't right.

SoberCAH

If the meds work, Riverbird, why taper off of them entirely?

If your doctor permits, of course, you may maintain a modest baseline dosage and alter it as needed.

I have a friend who does that and it works very well for him, if you know what I mean.

Good luck and let us know what you do.