A little nervous
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 285
A little nervous
When I first got sober (3.5 years ago), I ended up on a lot of different meds due to having severe depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. Actually, no one has ever really been able to decide for sure what my diagnosis is, and every doctor I've seen will say something a little different. I've been to a million different psychiatrists it seems and tried so many things, but I was actively drinking while taking meds and not always taking the meds as prescribed, so it's not a huge surprise that nothing worked.
When I got sober I saw a great doctor who got me on some new meds, and I also got into AA and started really working hard on myself and on building coping skills.
Now that my head is clearer, I'm getting a much better sense of where I'm at, and am thinking I really don't need all the meds I'm on. I've talked to my doctor and she is on board with trying to reduce some things and see how it goes. The first on the list is Depakote. I'm on a pretty big dose, but with a less foggy brain I really don't think I'm bipolar. I think my mood swings were much more caused by my alcoholism and other issues. My current doctor thinks my issues come from ADD and PTSD, which I agree with.
I did a bit of reading online and found a lot of stuff about how Depakote can be hard to come off of, there's withdrawal symptoms, etc. I can't imagine it could be as bad as alcohol withdrawal, and I'm tapering off super slowly (per doctors orders), but it still makes me nervous. It's possible that I'm feeling so much better because of the meds and that I really do need them. I feel like I'm bracing myself waiting to see issues pop up, and it worries me to not know what to expect. Today is the last day of my weekend, and usually a relaxing day for me, but for now that's probably not helping. Too much time to read, think, and worry. I'm going to find something to do, but it probably would've been better to start this on a day when I had more distractions.
Overall I'm really excited to be doing this, because it shows so much progress that I'm stable enough to be trying new things. I've changed meds before, but this is the first time I've tried going decreasing/going off of something. I do have some more specific questions but I think I'll ask those in another thread because this has already gotten long. Thanks for listening, I think I just need a place to talk this out.
When I got sober I saw a great doctor who got me on some new meds, and I also got into AA and started really working hard on myself and on building coping skills.
Now that my head is clearer, I'm getting a much better sense of where I'm at, and am thinking I really don't need all the meds I'm on. I've talked to my doctor and she is on board with trying to reduce some things and see how it goes. The first on the list is Depakote. I'm on a pretty big dose, but with a less foggy brain I really don't think I'm bipolar. I think my mood swings were much more caused by my alcoholism and other issues. My current doctor thinks my issues come from ADD and PTSD, which I agree with.
I did a bit of reading online and found a lot of stuff about how Depakote can be hard to come off of, there's withdrawal symptoms, etc. I can't imagine it could be as bad as alcohol withdrawal, and I'm tapering off super slowly (per doctors orders), but it still makes me nervous. It's possible that I'm feeling so much better because of the meds and that I really do need them. I feel like I'm bracing myself waiting to see issues pop up, and it worries me to not know what to expect. Today is the last day of my weekend, and usually a relaxing day for me, but for now that's probably not helping. Too much time to read, think, and worry. I'm going to find something to do, but it probably would've been better to start this on a day when I had more distractions.
Overall I'm really excited to be doing this, because it shows so much progress that I'm stable enough to be trying new things. I've changed meds before, but this is the first time I've tried going decreasing/going off of something. I do have some more specific questions but I think I'll ask those in another thread because this has already gotten long. Thanks for listening, I think I just need a place to talk this out.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I took Depakote for many years. I just stopped. 
Not saying that's a good idea, but I didn't know any better. I just stopped all my meds. I'm fine, I didn't flip out or anything. Just so you know, it is possible - at least it was for me. It's really difficult to get a clean diagnosis on mental disorders. There is no proof or clear treatment for many things that are just part of being human. Keep searching, though. You have it in you to find healing.
With that said, it probably would have been better to wean. I just didn't know that was a thing.
Not saying that's a good idea, but I didn't know any better. I just stopped all my meds. I'm fine, I didn't flip out or anything. Just so you know, it is possible - at least it was for me. It's really difficult to get a clean diagnosis on mental disorders. There is no proof or clear treatment for many things that are just part of being human. Keep searching, though. You have it in you to find healing.
With that said, it probably would have been better to wean. I just didn't know that was a thing.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I took Depakote for many years. I just stopped.
Not saying that's a good idea, but I didn't know any better. I just stopped all my meds. I'm fine, I didn't flip out or anything. Just so you know, it is possible - at least it was for me. It's really difficult to get a clean diagnosis on mental disorders. There is no proof or clear treatment for many things that are just part of being human. Keep searching, though. You have it in you to find healing.
With that said, it probably would have been better to wean. I just didn't know that was a thing.
Not saying that's a good idea, but I didn't know any better. I just stopped all my meds. I'm fine, I didn't flip out or anything. Just so you know, it is possible - at least it was for me. It's really difficult to get a clean diagnosis on mental disorders. There is no proof or clear treatment for many things that are just part of being human. Keep searching, though. You have it in you to find healing.
With that said, it probably would have been better to wean. I just didn't know that was a thing.
That said, I probably am reading way too much in to this as there are a lot of stories out there of people who have just stopped without issue. (Not that that's my plan, but like always i'm probably overthinking and overreacting!).
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I was prescribed Depakote primarily to teat migraines prophylactically. I know it is an anti-seizure medication, so you're right, I'm sure. Seizures on cessation.
I'm lucky in a lot of ways for so many things. I should be dead about ten thousand times over.
Over-thinking is a problem of mine too. I have to mindfully practice calming my thoughts. I just couldn't deal with all the side effects of the meds. I stopped complaining to my doctor and she stopped prescribing meds and I searched out other methods of finding serenity.
I'm lucky in a lot of ways for so many things. I should be dead about ten thousand times over.
Over-thinking is a problem of mine too. I have to mindfully practice calming my thoughts. I just couldn't deal with all the side effects of the meds. I stopped complaining to my doctor and she stopped prescribing meds and I searched out other methods of finding serenity.
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