Update from Marie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 35
Update from Marie
So, it's been a couple of months at least now since I stumbled across these threads and discovered what I now feel I had been seeking for a very long time. Something that was logical, rational and fitted right in with my own personal belief system. Something that made such perfect sense to me .Something that helped me sort my thoughts and to discard a lot of things that are generally accepted about recovery (things that had confounded and confused me and ultimately fed my addiction and kept it going) for good.
As far as updates go, there's not really much to report. In a nutshell I made my Big Plan. I stopped drinking. The End.
Except it's more of a beginning than an end, isn't it?
I live my life as I always did, but I am free from the madness and the chaos that came from being enslaved to something I didn't fully understand.
I understand now. I know the beast. I have shone a light into that dark corner inside me and saw it for what it really is.
It's not as powerful or all consuming as it pretends to be. In fact, it's really pretty pathetic once it's been found out.
So that's where I am today.
I did this myself. I made my BP all on my own and I am taking full credit for that. But there is thanks to be given. To SR for hosting these threads but most of all to you all for posting here, for sharing your experience and leading the way towards what was for me a eureka moment, the biggest of my life.
Thank you all for your invaluable contributions, knowledge, and generosity of spirit.
As far as updates go, there's not really much to report. In a nutshell I made my Big Plan. I stopped drinking. The End.
Except it's more of a beginning than an end, isn't it?
I live my life as I always did, but I am free from the madness and the chaos that came from being enslaved to something I didn't fully understand.
I understand now. I know the beast. I have shone a light into that dark corner inside me and saw it for what it really is.
It's not as powerful or all consuming as it pretends to be. In fact, it's really pretty pathetic once it's been found out.
So that's where I am today.
I did this myself. I made my BP all on my own and I am taking full credit for that. But there is thanks to be given. To SR for hosting these threads but most of all to you all for posting here, for sharing your experience and leading the way towards what was for me a eureka moment, the biggest of my life.
Thank you all for your invaluable contributions, knowledge, and generosity of spirit.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
That's awesome, Marie! No need to do much after the Big Plan; just enjoy sober life! I do hang out at SR a lot but that's because I'm a forum-type person and I hope to help others to get to where I am now, sober and at peace with it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 35
I logged in this morning and had a message saying 'you haven't posted in a while'. About a month, thank you SR.
Quite a lot has happened as it does in life. There have been opportunities at work for double time overtime, something I never would have committed to in the past because my AV would always win the argument over much needed extra money or drinking time. So I've been working hard and of course the AV has piped up with the old 'reward' 'you deserve a couple' blah blah blah chestnuts on occasion. Easily silenced these days because I know what I deserve.
I've also had a bit of stress due to illness in the family. I am much better at handling stress than I used to be, and much better at being fully present for support to those that need me without the added stress of being a slave to addiction.
I have been out socially a good few times over the month. Most recently last Saturday night with a group of colleagues. The boss was buying shots and a drink every round. There were about 10 of us and I was the only non drinker. I've discovered that no one really gives a **** about whether or not I am drinking, they are all too busy dealing with their own drinking to bother much about mine. I enjoyed getting dolled up, seeing everyone outside of work I had a really good time, left when I wanted to and drove myself home.
Physically I am in good shape. I am not a slave to the gym, or healthy eating (I refuse to be a slave to anything any more) but I do eat well, exercise when I can and look after myself properly. I am back to my ideal weight, and for the ladies, my skin hasn't had such an even healthy glow in many years.
Mentally and spiritually I am getting to be in a good place. I am finally able to let go of the past. I surprise myself sometimes by how calm I am and where I used to react emotionally to situations, now I think. I breathe. Then I act.
At work the other day, my boss wanted to say thank you for all of my hard work over the last few months. He gave me a beautifully gift wrapped bottle of prosecco. I had a little chuckle about that. My AV used to tell me that prosecco was delicious, luxurious and the epitome of sophistication.
The reality is and always has been that prosecco actually tastes like I imagine chilled sparkling **** would taste but clever advertising and social conditioning work in tandem with the beast to fill our heads with all sorts of nonsense, don't they? I am seeing a friend later today and I will gift it to her, I have no use for it. I even put it my fridge to keep it chilled for her.
So I am sitting here on a Sunday morning, typing this for I don't know who, maybe just a reflection for myself prompted by SR's little message this morning. Sunday mornings used to be hell. Now they just are what they are. Tranquil, and maybe the ideal time for a little reflection and quiet inner celebration of the fact that I have achieved what I wanted for so long and I am living it. It's not a dream life or a perfect one...and like everyone else I have lots of stuff to learn every day (and that excites me). But it's my life. Mine.
Would I ever have recovered without AVRT? Maybe, because my thinking was going along these lines for a long time. What AVRT did for me was educate me and help me to make sense of what I needed to do. And for that I will be forever grateful. xx
Quite a lot has happened as it does in life. There have been opportunities at work for double time overtime, something I never would have committed to in the past because my AV would always win the argument over much needed extra money or drinking time. So I've been working hard and of course the AV has piped up with the old 'reward' 'you deserve a couple' blah blah blah chestnuts on occasion. Easily silenced these days because I know what I deserve.
I've also had a bit of stress due to illness in the family. I am much better at handling stress than I used to be, and much better at being fully present for support to those that need me without the added stress of being a slave to addiction.
I have been out socially a good few times over the month. Most recently last Saturday night with a group of colleagues. The boss was buying shots and a drink every round. There were about 10 of us and I was the only non drinker. I've discovered that no one really gives a **** about whether or not I am drinking, they are all too busy dealing with their own drinking to bother much about mine. I enjoyed getting dolled up, seeing everyone outside of work I had a really good time, left when I wanted to and drove myself home.
Physically I am in good shape. I am not a slave to the gym, or healthy eating (I refuse to be a slave to anything any more) but I do eat well, exercise when I can and look after myself properly. I am back to my ideal weight, and for the ladies, my skin hasn't had such an even healthy glow in many years.
Mentally and spiritually I am getting to be in a good place. I am finally able to let go of the past. I surprise myself sometimes by how calm I am and where I used to react emotionally to situations, now I think. I breathe. Then I act.
At work the other day, my boss wanted to say thank you for all of my hard work over the last few months. He gave me a beautifully gift wrapped bottle of prosecco. I had a little chuckle about that. My AV used to tell me that prosecco was delicious, luxurious and the epitome of sophistication.
The reality is and always has been that prosecco actually tastes like I imagine chilled sparkling **** would taste but clever advertising and social conditioning work in tandem with the beast to fill our heads with all sorts of nonsense, don't they? I am seeing a friend later today and I will gift it to her, I have no use for it. I even put it my fridge to keep it chilled for her.
So I am sitting here on a Sunday morning, typing this for I don't know who, maybe just a reflection for myself prompted by SR's little message this morning. Sunday mornings used to be hell. Now they just are what they are. Tranquil, and maybe the ideal time for a little reflection and quiet inner celebration of the fact that I have achieved what I wanted for so long and I am living it. It's not a dream life or a perfect one...and like everyone else I have lots of stuff to learn every day (and that excites me). But it's my life. Mine.
Would I ever have recovered without AVRT? Maybe, because my thinking was going along these lines for a long time. What AVRT did for me was educate me and help me to make sense of what I needed to do. And for that I will be forever grateful. xx
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Outstanding post, eloquent badassery 
I, too , was tending toward, leaning to, wanting to end my drinking when I found and logged onto SR and saw mention of RR and AVRT on my first day, and thanks to that it was my first day. Such a powerful perspective , imho.
Nice to hear from a fellow nondrinker , here's to the proper way to enjoy a Sunday am
I, too , was tending toward, leaning to, wanting to end my drinking when I found and logged onto SR and saw mention of RR and AVRT on my first day, and thanks to that it was my first day. Such a powerful perspective , imho.
Nice to hear from a fellow nondrinker , here's to the proper way to enjoy a Sunday am
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Powerful and inspiring, Marie. Congratulations!
I want to offer a huge thanks for dropping back in for an update. I feel that my decision to quit drinking has gone much as your has - final, unconditional and irrevocable, opening up opportunities for growth and joy. But it is so much better to hear you say it!
I will guarantee you that your thread here has made a big difference for someone today, someone who might not have believed that they had the neccessary stuff to do as you have, but has recognized that internal spark with your help.
Onward, Marie!
I want to offer a huge thanks for dropping back in for an update. I feel that my decision to quit drinking has gone much as your has - final, unconditional and irrevocable, opening up opportunities for growth and joy. But it is so much better to hear you say it!
I will guarantee you that your thread here has made a big difference for someone today, someone who might not have believed that they had the neccessary stuff to do as you have, but has recognized that internal spark with your help.
Onward, Marie!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by freshstart57 
Powerful and inspiring, Marie. Congratulations!
I want to offer a huge thanks for dropping back in for an update. I feel that my decision to quit drinking has gone much as your has - final, unconditional and irrevocable, opening up opportunities for growth and joy. But it is so much better to hear you say it!
I will guarantee you that your thread here has made a big difference for someone today, someone who might not have believed that they had the neccessary stuff to do as you have, but has recognized that internal spark with your help.
Onward, Marie!
I want to offer a huge thanks for dropping back in for an update. I feel that my decision to quit drinking has gone much as your has - final, unconditional and irrevocable, opening up opportunities for growth and joy. But it is so much better to hear you say it!
I will guarantee you that your thread here has made a big difference for someone today, someone who might not have believed that they had the neccessary stuff to do as you have, but has recognized that internal spark with your help.
Onward, Marie!
I will never regret making my Big Plan. And I am very happy to say without hesitation or regret, I will never drink again, and I will not change my mind. No matter what.
Onward indeed! Thanks, all of you. xx
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