Mrrryah1

What is this?

When people look at me, even if just for a moment, I feel extremely uncomfortable and also extremely angry. Like immediately filled with rage. My thoughts are - I don't want them looking at me. Why are they looking at me? Are they staring at me? Do they think something is wrong with me?

I go out of my way to get away from people and to avoid human interaction. Like at work, if I'm near the bathrooms and I see someone walking down the hallway toward me, I might deek into the washroom for a few minutes until I know it's clear. All day I place my head and body in such a way that people can't see me when they walk by my office, so there will be less chance of them trying to talk to me.

When people DO come and talk to me - even if they're being totally nice about things and had a legitimate reason to come and speak with me, again, I'm filled with extreme discomfort, a feeling of anger, high anxiety and panic. I feel this until they leave.

Okay, now that I write this out I'm sounding like a total crazy person, but this is like normal every day life for me and I'm used to it now.

Am I totally crazy? What is this - does it have a name? Does anyone else experience it?

SoberLeigh

Is this a new occurrence, Mrrryah, or have you been experiencing this for a long period of time?

Mrrryah1

It's not new. It's been around for a few years for sure.

I do think it has gotten better the longer I've gotten sober. But to be honest it's one of those things that I'm so 'used to' that I haven't given it much thought or attention in the past. Always just kind of thought - that's just how I am.

But now I'm kinda questioning hmm. Maybe this is a real problem with a real name and not "just how I am".

SoberLeigh

I think some people naturally have a wide comfort zone when it comes to personal space. You may want to investigate why infringement upon that comfort zone causes anger and high anxiety (and not just discomfort).

Gotta run; be back later.

DrunkOlBen

I've always been somewhat similar myself, especially with close contact such as hugging and the like. Hopefully someone can chime in on this.

raul88

Mrrryah, I feel the same way often (I think it is social anxiety). I have a few friends I don't mind seeing, everyone else just makes me want to hide from them.

I get annoyed (for no reason), when I'm shopping and an employee keeps asking if I need help. Or when another person wants to look at the same item, it makes me angry, and I often just give them a dirty look and leave (even if it is something I wanted to buy).

I've always wanted to yell "what are you looking at!" at a stranger, but I never have, because I guess it would be rude, but it is rude of them to stare too!

MIRecovery

I would seek out professional help. When we get sober we realize that we have other problems that we self medictated wit alcohol

ScottFromWI

I have noticed a lot of issues that I have since I got sober. Looking back it's quite possible i've had them my whole life and was masking them with my drinking. I've just started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life ( I"m in my mid 40's ) and i've been diagnosed with GAD and borderline OCD. It's really helping a lot, and I've also started doing some reading and research into meditation and mindfulness which is helping too. If you haven't seen a therapist, i'd recommend it. Or if you've seen one that wasn't helpful try a differnt one..you have to find a "fit" between you and them.

Shining~Again

I've always been like that - when shopping locally I am laser focused on the shelves, not people. I cannot stand when someone starts a conversation outside the regular workers.

It used to bother me that I wasn't all gung-ho on talking to people till I realised as long as it's not bothering me, why do I care about being something I'm not? I'm not a extrovert or a people person. While I enjoy many people one on one and even in groups, I don't care for the unexpected intrusions.

Plus, I have to say that I don't want to hear peoples deep, personal problems or gossip. Being in a small town ...well, it's maybe the reason I am the way I am.

Aellyce

Hi Mrrryah.

Sorry you are feeling this way. I saw on your other thread that you were recently in the ER, so I believe they examined you for many things there. I agree with those that brought up anxiety, and based on what you are describing, especially social anxiety. And you are newly clean/sober... that typically exacerbates it for those of us who are prone to it and it lingers for a while.

I also received a GAD diagnosis in early sobriety, which was no surprise to me at all, knew it since my 20's even without a proper eval. It really helps to "officially" sort out these things though. My generalized anxiety is interesting in that the "social" part is probably the least problematic for me especially when I am sober. It was worse in my youth and sometimes really crippling when I was drinking so that I wanted to avoid everyone and did pretty much what you describe: not wanting to be seen or be in a space with other people... everything bothered me, even the thought of having others around. This was one of the first things to go for me after only about a couple weeks sober, and then I needed to deal with the other anxiety stuff.

I'm nearly symptom free now most of the time and I'm not taking meds. I try to live in a healthy way: eat and sleep as well as I can, meditate, do things I enjoy (including socializing in moderate amounts with people I like), and exercise is probably the best remedy from all. I've also been in therapy for over a year now and that is very helpful for the most part.

What you are describing is certainly on the intense side of the spectrum, but you know, some people are just naturally more introverted and need more personal space/territory/time. It's not a disease by any means and can have many advantages also. It sounds like you would need to do some work to get to that stage, and for that I really recommend professional help and of course doing everything to stay clean and sober.