sean0621

It’s hard to adjust to all the missing drama in my life. I feel very unsettled in my current state of life. I can't remember a time when I didn't have to deal with girlfriend I was trying to help get sober or a father who died from alcoholism and liver failure that I was trying to help get sober, a roommate that was having severe drinking issues that I was trying to help convince to get sober and of course my own drinking problems that started while I was in the marines as I was trying to fit in with everyone else. I often don't know what to do with myself without this person to save or this addiction to fight against in my life. I thought I had found a new lifestyle of healthy living last year when I quit drinking and smoking and lost 100 lbs. I still ended up in the same relationship with the same girl who had addiction problems and mental illness of her own. I guess I thought I'd found a matching set of issues and we could fix them together. I found that it wasn't an attempt at a new healthy lifestyle. It started that way, but it became a mission to perfect all my flaws, it set me up for a big fall. I guess I thought if suddenly I changed then she would change along with me. But I guess things have changed. The negative drama that I can control is out of my life. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I eat well, I am saving money, I am not in a damaging one sided relationship, I just feel suddenly boring. I feel very disconnected at times, but I have more meaningful friendships now than I've ever had in my life. I've reconnected with my extended family and I've reconnected with my mother. That being said I have never felt so depressed and so bored in my entire life. I find I have little to say and am constantly worried about having nothing to say. I find it hard to keep myself entertained with TV, video games, exercise, anything really. I can see that things have gotten better as I go through the process of recovery and healing. But many times it is unsettling and lonely.

greens

I know what you mean Sean. I know people who are sober and they have their ups and downs but then I know some of us with dual diagnosis and it' can be so frustrating being sober but still having all these other issues , I can so relate to the depression and just going through the motions every day but not necessarily feeling great ( I feel pretty good after exercise) but I can't remember the last time I was truly excited and energized and ecstatic about life or things In general

Astro

I find that it's something I have to focus on and be determined to work hard at.

Loneliness is cured by meetings, service work, and church. I sometimes have to force myself to get to those places though because my nature is to isolate.

Having a sense of purpose is a little tougher for me. Work and family can sometimes feel like I'm just going through the motions. I think what helps most is knowing that a Higher Power has a plan for me, and that plan is not to lay in bed and pull the covers over my head.

sean0621

There are times when I feel lonely at the meetings and service work and church. I have a great group of people that I hang out with outside of our meetings. We run together we do yoga classes together go out to eat together and have fun together. These are new friends and I greatly enjoy their company. But at times I feel even more lonely among them and at meetings than I do at home. Sometimes I cannot actively engage in conversation because I literally run out of things to say. Other times I can talk and talk and talk. It's not just them, it's people I have known and talked to for years. I'm beginning to fear talking to people. It feels like the only thing I have going on in my life is therapy, meetings and work and I don't want to talk about anything going on in any of those areas to people outside of those areas. I wouldn't know how to meet a new person outside of a meeting right now. I feel lost and detached many times. I feel like I have lost my sense of purpose and am just going through the motions at this point. I'm not a big fan of work as it is not very engaging. But I'd rather work than have a day off. I don't know what to do with myself on my days off. So I just go to therapy and meetings and I exercise from time to time. I know it will pass. Or at least I hold onto the hope that it will pass. But this is where I'm at right now. But on the bright side it's a step up from where I was at last month.

bookmaven

I feel lonely in meetings more often than not. I could be surrounded by people who genuinely care and yet I can still feel completely alone.

And when someone tells me something like "you just have to snap out of it" it makes me feel like I want to snap their neck.

It's a chemical imbalance in my brain. When things are balanced, I can feel my emotions and process them. When things are unbalanced I cannot think clearly.