about sober alcoholics
about sober alcoholics 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Oxford, England
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by Dee74 
You've asked this several times - what is it you want to better understand jezzebelle? 
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I'm new to these forums and so am probably confusing people! I just wonder why the sober alcoholic is so fearful of any feelings, good or bad? jezzebelle
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I don't know about all alcoholics but I drank at my feelings for many many years.
Getting sober meant I had to deal with feelings again without being numb - and that was scary for a while.
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Getting sober meant I had to deal with feelings again without being numb - and that was scary for a while.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Oxford, England
Posts: 38
Hi Dee74 & Rusty Zipper,
now I begin to understand a little..... If it's hard to discover how to deal with fear as a kid, the fear lives on when the kid becomes a man. But men aren't supposed to show fear. Women are allowed to be afraid and lean on their man but who can the fearful man lean on? Maybe that's when alcohol gets useful?
And there are other uncomfortable feelings which we all have to somehow learn to manage. I had a lot of trouble with learning to "manage" my anger. I had to swim miles each week to dissolve it and also learn meditation. Jezzebelle
now I begin to understand a little..... If it's hard to discover how to deal with fear as a kid, the fear lives on when the kid becomes a man. But men aren't supposed to show fear. Women are allowed to be afraid and lean on their man but who can the fearful man lean on? Maybe that's when alcohol gets useful?
And there are other uncomfortable feelings which we all have to somehow learn to manage. I had a lot of trouble with learning to "manage" my anger. I had to swim miles each week to dissolve it and also learn meditation. Jezzebelle
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Well, those are stereotypical perceptions of fear maybe, Jezzebelle. But in my case, I'm the one who tends to show less fear, and it is my husband who seems to have a bunch of it that goes unchecked. Not sure how or why that happened, but I tend to be the one who is strong while he tends to flip out over the little things. The exception would be our pets. I do have some irrational fears of losing our pets, or the pets getting hurt, etc.
In sobriety, I did have to deal with a lot of anger, sadness, grief, you name it... all of the strong emotions. They surfaced. The first year can be overwhelming for those of us just learning to deal with our real emotions sober, especially when those emotions have been buried for quite a while under the alcohol.
In sobriety, I did have to deal with a lot of anger, sadness, grief, you name it... all of the strong emotions. They surfaced. The first year can be overwhelming for those of us just learning to deal with our real emotions sober, especially when those emotions have been buried for quite a while under the alcohol.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I think for me, the 'special ' bit is the peace.
It's like a big secret in the world has been unlocked for those that struggled with drink.
When you 'get ' it, you get that peace.
You get let into the big secret that all the others who have 'got ' it have been let into.
It is really as simple as 'drinking is not for me, so I don 't drink'.
At first that seems so simple.
All you have to do is not drink.
How hard can that be if you don't want to do it in the 1st place?
But as many of us know, me included, it is not easy to do.
It feels like the hardest thing to do at times when you are still drinking.
Just driving home a different way so you don't stop for a bottle feels like a superhuman task.
Putting the kettle on instead of popping a cork is really, really hard.
But when you do get some good sober time and you realise there is no way you would go back, I think it dawns on you that being sober is truly special.
It's like all the pieces fit together.
If I don't drink there is no drama.
I've not drunk and gues what? No drama!!
I remember I used to look and listen to long term non drinkers and think 'how are they so happy, so serene, so peaceful, so contended?'
After not drinking for over 3 years I know get why!!
Are you going to come be part of the club?
I wish you the best xx
It's like a big secret in the world has been unlocked for those that struggled with drink.
When you 'get ' it, you get that peace.
You get let into the big secret that all the others who have 'got ' it have been let into.
It is really as simple as 'drinking is not for me, so I don 't drink'.
At first that seems so simple.
All you have to do is not drink.
How hard can that be if you don't want to do it in the 1st place?
But as many of us know, me included, it is not easy to do.
It feels like the hardest thing to do at times when you are still drinking.
Just driving home a different way so you don't stop for a bottle feels like a superhuman task.
Putting the kettle on instead of popping a cork is really, really hard.
But when you do get some good sober time and you realise there is no way you would go back, I think it dawns on you that being sober is truly special.
It's like all the pieces fit together.
If I don't drink there is no drama.
I've not drunk and gues what? No drama!!
I remember I used to look and listen to long term non drinkers and think 'how are they so happy, so serene, so peaceful, so contended?'
After not drinking for over 3 years I know get why!!
Are you going to come be part of the club?
I wish you the best xx
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