Starting all over
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 16
Starting all over
Hello, last september I came to the conclusion that I can not drink, that I have to quit. I held up roughly 2 months, but then started again.
But now I'm there again. I do not want to do this anymore, have read a lot of AVRT and it was totally scary how much of it that applied to me. So now, the big plan is made. I have no clue of how life will develop and where I will be in a years time, but frankly I don't care. It will be better than it is today.
Sorry for the rambling, will write more with time.
But now I'm there again. I do not want to do this anymore, have read a lot of AVRT and it was totally scary how much of it that applied to me. So now, the big plan is made. I have no clue of how life will develop and where I will be in a years time, but frankly I don't care. It will be better than it is today.
Sorry for the rambling, will write more with time.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
Have you thought about what happened after 2 months and led you to cave? Relapses can be valuable when we learn from them, so that at least we don't relapse the next time in the same way. Stuff like, I didn't think I needed support, I thought I was cured of addiction and could drink again, I kept hanging out with drinking friends in bars, I let triggers grow into cravings because I fixated on them, etc. etc.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 16
To put it bluntly, I have had personal problems the last couple of years, and used this as an excuse to drink. And after those two months I kind of needed the relapse to see that drinking makes me feel miserable, even if my life is much better.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
...how clearly you can apply AVRT your addiction...
yj,
By calling your pledge of permanent abstinence "the big plan", and mentioning how clearly you can apply AVRT to your addiction, I gather you are interested in utilizing AVRT and will respond to this thread in those terms.
First I congratulate you for your wise decision to never drink alcohol again following your most recent 5 month descent into irresponsible, addictive drinking.
When you say "I don't care" about "how life will develop and where I will be in a years time" I understand your relief over feeling great about willfully deciding to put this serious problem behind you as being most important right now compared to other future important decisions you will be making about how you will be leading the rest of your life. Your feeling great right now about having made the Big Plan is called the Abstinence Commitment Effect, or ACE of Rational Recovery.
You have just ACE'd yourself out of both addiction AND the never ending Recovery Group Movement. As you settle into your Big Plan, your life will begin to adjust away from the glaring blaze of direct sunlight (alcohol use) and your eyes will adjust to the more nuanced lighting within the vast gallery of life itself where you can choose what to dim and what to brighten, within a much more diverse and stimulating human scale.
Your Addictive Voice, though, is right there with you, trying to inject itself into your new lifestyle, trying to get you to drink some more. Its first stab is the very idea that now without alcohol, you are now "clue"less, and "care"less about the rest of your life. Yes, I hear IT attempting to skew the very thing it hates the most, your Big Plan and your feeling the ACE. Of course you care, of course you have a clue about the rest of your life.
You can preempt your AV at any time by thinking and truly understanding that "I will never ever experience that buzz from booze again for the rest of my life." The positives about that idea come from you, the negatives, come from IT, the AV of your Beast. It is VERY serious about staying alive and convincing YOU, there will be a time to drink again. Otherwise, IT will DIE.
The following quote provides an excellent opportunity to practice the Technique of Recognizing the Addictive Voice. Which ideas are the Addictive Voice? In other words, which ideas are in conflict with your Big Plan being a stand alone pledge completely within YOUR control?
GT
By calling your pledge of permanent abstinence "the big plan", and mentioning how clearly you can apply AVRT to your addiction, I gather you are interested in utilizing AVRT and will respond to this thread in those terms.
First I congratulate you for your wise decision to never drink alcohol again following your most recent 5 month descent into irresponsible, addictive drinking.
When you say "I don't care" about "how life will develop and where I will be in a years time" I understand your relief over feeling great about willfully deciding to put this serious problem behind you as being most important right now compared to other future important decisions you will be making about how you will be leading the rest of your life. Your feeling great right now about having made the Big Plan is called the Abstinence Commitment Effect, or ACE of Rational Recovery.
You have just ACE'd yourself out of both addiction AND the never ending Recovery Group Movement. As you settle into your Big Plan, your life will begin to adjust away from the glaring blaze of direct sunlight (alcohol use) and your eyes will adjust to the more nuanced lighting within the vast gallery of life itself where you can choose what to dim and what to brighten, within a much more diverse and stimulating human scale.
Your Addictive Voice, though, is right there with you, trying to inject itself into your new lifestyle, trying to get you to drink some more. Its first stab is the very idea that now without alcohol, you are now "clue"less, and "care"less about the rest of your life. Yes, I hear IT attempting to skew the very thing it hates the most, your Big Plan and your feeling the ACE. Of course you care, of course you have a clue about the rest of your life.
You can preempt your AV at any time by thinking and truly understanding that "I will never ever experience that buzz from booze again for the rest of my life." The positives about that idea come from you, the negatives, come from IT, the AV of your Beast. It is VERY serious about staying alive and convincing YOU, there will be a time to drink again. Otherwise, IT will DIE.
The following quote provides an excellent opportunity to practice the Technique of Recognizing the Addictive Voice. Which ideas are the Addictive Voice? In other words, which ideas are in conflict with your Big Plan being a stand alone pledge completely within YOUR control?
GT
Originally Posted by JeffreyAK 
Have you thought about what happened after 2 months and led you to cave? Relapses can be valuable when we learn from them, so that at least we don't relapse the next time in the same way. Stuff like, I didn't think I needed support, I thought I was cured of addiction and could drink again, I kept hanging out with drinking friends in bars, I let triggers grow into cravings because I fixated on them, etc. etc.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
glad you made it back.
After having gone through the quit and restart and coming back to quit again, you must certainly understand how things can sneak up on you.
You should be better prepared this time to make it a one time time event. Last time event - quitting that is. Making the big plan is where it's at.
After having gone through the quit and restart and coming back to quit again, you must certainly understand how things can sneak up on you.
You should be better prepared this time to make it a one time time event. Last time event - quitting that is. Making the big plan is where it's at.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 35
Hello Yoda, welcome and congrats on making your Big Plan. I found these threads just over a month ago after many attempts to stop drinking, all of which ended in failure. I read all of the threads while waiting for Jack Trimpey's book to arrive and a lot of the time the hairs on the back of my neck stood up while reading.
I get this. This works. I now understand why I used to drink against my better judgement and that makes a huge difference. I understand many things now that were a complete mystery before. AVRT has reinforced for me some very fundamental and deeply held beliefs about my SELF. I have now made a promise and a commitment to myself that I will not drink again and I will never change my mind, no matter what. It's very real and very liberating.
I am glad you found these threads, well done on making that commitment to yourself!
I get this. This works. I now understand why I used to drink against my better judgement and that makes a huge difference. I understand many things now that were a complete mystery before. AVRT has reinforced for me some very fundamental and deeply held beliefs about my SELF. I have now made a promise and a commitment to myself that I will not drink again and I will never change my mind, no matter what. It's very real and very liberating.
I am glad you found these threads, well done on making that commitment to yourself!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'm glad you made it back, Yoda! It's a vicious cycle- personal problems make you drink and the drinking makes your problems worse. Ultimately it's a choice, which you figured out on your own. Kudos to you for that!
I'm glad you're taking the road back to sobriety.
I'm glad you're taking the road back to sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 16
The biggest difference this time
The biggest difference this time compared to last time is that I have been completely honest this time towards my gf, have revealed everything I have lied about and hidden. For example drinking and driving, drinking in the morning the day after, calling in sick when too hangover (and sometimes even staying home drinking then). This honesty towards her, as well to myself, makes the plan feel bigger, and the plunge much more far-reaching.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
This sounds very positive yodajaeger. Acceptance is a powerful ally at this point for you, it will help to cement your resolve, and it shows your SO that it will be ok for her to support you. All very positive indeed.
It was a huge relief to me when I realized that this could all be over and done with for good. This misery, anxiety, depression, self loathing, could be all done with . All I had to do was say so, albeit in a deep and a profound way, but it really could be as simple as that. It might not be easy, but the degree of difficulty was really irrelevant, and it was up to me to a large part. I used to be able to handle anything, and I knew that I would be able to do that again.
You CAN do it too. Believe in yourself, that you deserve a life without this misery. You can have it. Onward!
It was a huge relief to me when I realized that this could all be over and done with for good. This misery, anxiety, depression, self loathing, could be all done with . All I had to do was say so, albeit in a deep and a profound way, but it really could be as simple as that. It might not be easy, but the degree of difficulty was really irrelevant, and it was up to me to a large part. I used to be able to handle anything, and I knew that I would be able to do that again.
You CAN do it too. Believe in yourself, that you deserve a life without this misery. You can have it. Onward!
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by yodajaeger
... revealed everything I have lied about and hidden. For example drinking and driving, drinking in the morning the day after, calling in sick when too hangover (and sometimes even staying home drinking then)...
So, try it out and see how it feels.
"revealed everything I have lied about and hidden. For example drank and drove, drank in the morning the day after, called in sick when too hung over (and sometimes even stayed home and drank then)"
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine
Notice your first two verbs are correctly in the past tense. But the Beast cannot tolerate what you say next being put in the past tense even though it is now never going to happen again.
So, try it out and see how it feels.
"revealed everything I have lied about and hidden. For example drank and drove, drank in the morning the day after, called in sick when too hung over (and sometimes even stayed home and drank then)"
So, try it out and see how it feels.
"revealed everything I have lied about and hidden. For example drank and drove, drank in the morning the day after, called in sick when too hung over (and sometimes even stayed home and drank then)"
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by JeffreyAK
Have you thought about what happened after 2 months and led you to cave? Relapses can be valuable when we learn from them, so that at least we don't relapse the next time in the same way.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by Pouncer
I couldn't agree more. Feeling guilty really doesn't help you change in a practical way - you have to dig in and find out more about yourself and your drinking patterns and work on the root causes. I should know. I have enough relapses under my belt.
I, too, used to believe going out drinking some more and then thinking about it later would give me great insight into myself - booze as a therapeutic drug you might say. But once I made my Big Plan I knew that even if that was true there was no way for it to happen again.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by GerandTwine
This is more good material for practicing AVRT.
I, too, used to believe going out drinking some more and then thinking about it later would give me great insight into myself - booze as a therapeutic drug you might say. But once I made my Big Plan I knew that even if that was true there was no way for it to happen again.
I, too, used to believe going out drinking some more and then thinking about it later would give me great insight into myself - booze as a therapeutic drug you might say. But once I made my Big Plan I knew that even if that was true there was no way for it to happen again.
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